I went in to today's endo appointment knowing that it was not going to be pretty. I still cried on the way home. I cried becuase I feel like my daughter deserves better. I have read the studies and know what a higher A1C could mean for her future.
The most challenging job I have had is being a mom. (It's incredibly rewarding but challenging non the less) That was until I became a mama pancreas. Being a mama pancreas is tedious, meticulous and draining. Unlike being a mom, the rewards are few. It takes a completely selfless attitude as your life is poured out into calculations, ratios, factors and boluses 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with out a break, ever. I do all of this to my best ability for my daughter so that she doesn't have to do this stuff and so that she can live a long, full life ( I pray).
These last three months as a mama pancreas have been particularly challenging as Bekah came out of the honeymoon phase (where her pancreas was secreting some insulin). Her insulin needs increased. Each of her basal rates went up at least one notch and her I:C for dinner changed. On top of that she had a couple of colds, a raging ear infection, strep throat and some growth going on.
I had checked her 90 day average and got a 218 which would translate to an A1C of 9.2. I was pretty sure that it wasn't going to be that high but close. I went with the expectation of seeing an 8.6. Even her 7 day average was at a 207 so I knew the 7.2 we had seen last time was a thing of the past.
I left the endocrinologist office last time with an A1C of 7.2% hoping for a lower number at our next appointment. Unfortunately that was not the case today. 8.2% was what we left with. I know I did my best but I feel like my best was not good enough...