Monday, March 25, 2013

Working mama

Our finances have been uncomfortably tight for quite some time.  We are in a place where ends don't always meet and robbing Peter to pay Paul has taken its toll.  God always takes care of His beloved, I believe that wholeheartedly.  We have always had everything we need.  Our monthly deficit is not going to take care of its self so through a lot of crunching numbers, some tears and tons of prayer we decided that if we could find something that was flexible enough that it was time to take the plunge and I was to go back to wage earning.  I do clean an office building on the weekends and that helps a little. 

I don't have but a couple of quarters of college so the possibility of my earning more than childcare costs is minimal.  Add in the need to at times run to the school to care for Bekah and being available for my teens and the unpredictability of depression, we decided that a work from home or mostly from home was what we needed.

I searched Craig's list and came up with a lot of what look like scams that fit my criteria.  That is when I had a jewelry bar to help my friend out who is looking to replace her current income.  I found these unique treasures to be quite intriguing.  Fun, one of a kind lockets that tell a personal story!  As my friend talked to me more I found out that this was a new business that was growing like crazy and there is little to no competition in our area. 

I signed up and am now an Independent Designer for Origami Owl custom jewelry.  I am anxiously waiting for my stuff to get here so I can start playing around with creating unique lockets. 

I told the gals in my upline about T1D and had them put together a couple of lockets to give my DOC friends and idea of what you could create.  These lockets make great gifts, even for the gal that you know that has everything. 

These are just some ideas that my friends came up with.  You can make it uniquely yours.  If you let me know you are part of the diabetes community I will donate 10% of my commission from your sale to JDRF .

Here is the link to my webstore.  If you are local I would love to have a jewelry bar for you and your friends. 

Friday, March 8, 2013

3 years

3 years ago today I didn't have a clue at how much this day would impact my entire family.  This year diabetes has taken a back seat as I have worked though some pretty severe depression with my older two kids.  While diabetes is not the cause of anxiety and depression in my older children, diabetes has had its contribution.

I have sat through conversations and counseling sessions where this day, 3 years ago, has been relived and rehashed.  Feelings of abandonment and insignificance were stirred up in my children 3 years ago when we left them to care for their sister in the hospital.  Yes there were those that came to take care of them.  They did the best they could but did not allow my kids to cope they way they needed to.

Both of my older two children have stated that our family changed on that day 3 years ago and we will never be the same.  I would like to think that part of us changed for the better.

The first year after Bekah's diagnosis I poured myself in to research and advocacy.  I blogged regularly and we had our own walk team.  I wanted to know every thing I could about this new beast we had to fight everyday.  I needed to know how to keep my little girl as healthy and happy as possible in spite of the illness that threatened to take her life on March 8, 2010.

I never meant to make my "healthy" kids take a backseat.  I never meant for them to feel insignificant.  It happened and we are working through it.  I am only one mama who is doing the best I can.  Allowing diabetes to take a back seat this past few months has taken its toll as well.  Bekah's last A1C was the highest ever since dx. 

Life is a balancing act and we have to do the best we can to be present every moment.  We are all going to make mistakes in this life and hopefully we have grace for those around us as they do the best they can to balance what life throws at them.

I am so proud of my brave girl.  3 years in and she is a pro at carb counting and working her pump.  She has been doing her own insets since just a few weeks after she started pumping.  She is one of the most responsible kids that I have ever met.

This year we will celebrate our brave girl low key.  We will have a special treat of some sort (probably pie, the girl is obsessed with pie) to celebrate.  As we do every year, we will donate a few stuffed animals to our local pediatric ER dept at the hospital where she was dx.  We will even make a donation to help people living in 3rd world countries be able to have access to insulin. 

3 days from now we will be celebrating my first born turning 18 and that won't be such a low key celebration.  I can't take back the feelings of insignificance that he has had these past 3 years but I can celebrate him on this day and I will do just that. 

Happy Dia-versary sweet Bekah!  You make me more proud with each passing day! 

Friday, January 25, 2013

somedays are better than others...

Today was one of those days where I had a hard time staying positive and keeping a good attitude.  Bekah stayed home from school for the fourth day in a row because her teacher was out ill.  I was a little annoyed that I had to miss my exercise class becuase Bekah was home. Its hard to trust a substitute teacher to read the notes on Bekah and follow through with them.  I always leave it to Bekah and her comfort level of being at school on sub days.  This school year she has gone many times when her teacher is out.  This week not so much. 

 Megan had three panic attacks at school.  For her its similar to a T1 having 3 lows in a day.  They are unpredictable, unplanned, mess up her day and make her feel like crap.  Just like when Bekah is having a bad low I always feel helpless when Megan has a panic attack.  She was a trooper and able to make it through the school day.

When picking David up from school somehow the topic of food came up with the other moms and I mentioned that we have to measure everything Bekah eats.  One lady piped up "oh is she diabetic?  my dad has that but he is not on insulin"  I gently let her know that T1 and T2 are very different and clearly her dad has T2.  She wasn't buying it. Then another mom asked me "how I knew that Bekah was diabetic".  I told her that she had gotten really sick and in fact came pretty close to dying.  (after hearing about kids dying from going undiagnosed I don't want to be a drama queen but also don't want people to take this disease lightly) The mom with the T2 dad looked right at Bekah "Oh yeah you were just trying to get attention huh?"  She laughed and wondered why Bekah didn't find her joke funny. 

Maybe I am being silly but that comment made my blood boil.  Its so not funny that a child, my child, almost died, and T1 is so not funny.  I like to keep things positive but in my opinion her comment was so inappropriate and rude. I ignored it because I have been taught if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything.  So I didn't say anything.

I usually stand silently as I listen to the conversations that the other moms have as they wait to pick up their preschoolers.  Complaining about what a chore grocery shopping is or how much they spent on clothes for their growing child.  In my head I am thinking, "imagine adding carb counting to the shopping chore or meal planning for a T1".  "You think clothes are expensive,"  I think, "medical supplies to keep a T1 alive are way more expensive".  They don't get my world.  They can't get my world.  I didn't even get this world before I lived in it. 

These moms don't have teenagers in fact most of them have a baby under a year old and their preschooler is their oldest child.  These moms don't have a chronically ill child or even have a clue what it would be to miss their workout.  (ok now I am being snarky) 

I want to connect with these ladies but their world seems so superficial.  I want to be a "normal" mom but I am not.  That is not my life.  I have kids ranging from almost 18 down to almost 4 that in and of itself is odd and makes it hard for them to relate to me and me them.  Add in the anxiety/ depression that plagues my teens and T1 and my world is probably too much for them to even begin to comprehend.  

I guess I need to get over myself and try to understand their world to be able to connect.  I need to try to bring myself back to the day when the perfect Gymboree outfit with matching curly loops was my world.  These ladies will never be my BFFs.  My BFF has only one child and while she doesn't live in my world she works hard to try and understand it.  She is a rare breed and I am lucky to have her in my life!