A kerfuffle

Yesterday I had a bit of a kerfuffle (isn't that a great word) in regards to Bekah's care at school.  It was mostly due to a misunderstanding and my girl wanting to be more independent than she is emotionally ready for.

In my previous post I was sharing my mama pride about how nonchalantly Bekah had become independent and was rockin' a temp basal all on her own accord.   She goes through phases where she wants to take on a lot of her D care and then others where she wants me to do everything including going to get her meter for her.  There is such a balance between feeling empowered and overwhelmed especially with the intensity of the tasks that it takes to manage diabetes.

The following morning as we were driving to school I remembered that I had forgotten to adjust her I:C ratio for lunch.  She piped up that she could do it.  I knew she didn't know how to do that but I walked her through the screens to get to the place where she could make the adjustment.  I was having to grit my teeth through it becuase the lack of control was really getting to me.  I know where it is and I have it neatly arranged in her pump and I was afraid she would mess it up.  She did it perfect!

Just before we reached the school, my phone chimed in with a text message alert.  As I pulled into the parking lot amongst the line up of cars, I glanced to see who it was from.  It was Bekah's teacher letting me know that she would be out for the day.  "do you want me to come to do your lunch bolus?" I asked.  Bekah hates being put on the spot.  "I don't know" was followed by a "no, I'll do it myself" in kind of a huffy tone.  I reminded her that an adult needed to observe her do the bolus as she was bounding out of the car toward the playground. 

As I drove home I felt conflicted.  I didn't want her to feel smothered or like I didn't trust her by showing up nor did I want her to feel abandoned and overwhelmed if I didn't show.  Something inside of me felt like I needed to be there.  I made a plan to drop off some juice boxes at lunch time so I'd have an excuse to be there just in case my presence was seen as hovering. 

At lunch time, I walked in the door of the school and signed in at the office.  Just as I turned the corner I see wandering ALONE with her meter in hand, a very tearful Bekah.  I scooped her up in my arms and gave quite an earful to the innocent teacher who happened to walk by.  My thoughts went immediately to a couple that I had met just a few days before at an ADA symposium.  Their daughter had been diagnosed in September just a few weeks after school started.  They happen to be in the same school district as we are and share a nurse (with 3 other schools as well).  This couple was in the throes of grief, stress etc and the school situation was about to drive them over the edge.  I remembered full well why I was on the verge of having a nervous break down before this school year began.  This couple relayed to me that one day just a few weeks prior (a good six months after dx) their daughter had been found lying down on the playground at school and was taken to the office, to the health room to lay down.  Her blood sugar was not checked!  The school staff thought she was probably tired becuase she had missed her snack.  Hello!!  There are some places our kids are not safe becuase of the ignorance out there! (yes they have a 504 in place but it doesn't get followed)

I took a deep breath through my tears and began to sort out with Bekah what had happened after first making sure her BGL was not low.  About that time the substitute came walking up almost in a panic letting me know that she had been looking all over the lunch room for Bekah and she was no where to be found. This lady was so sweet!  I couldn't stay angry with her.  I quickly gave Bekah her bolus for lunch and sent her on her way.  I then explained to the sub that there was just a misunderstanding.  Apparently, Bekah thought I said, as she was getting out of the car, that I was coming to the school for lunch.  She was wandering the hall looking for me.   I am so glad I listened to my instinct!

The substitute told me that she volunteers at the local hospital and she was going to take the next class offered about diabetes.  She seemed determined to make sure and learn what she knew she didn't know.  I just wanted to hug her.  She was not ignorant but knew that she didn't know much and knew that she needed to rely on others to help her to learn.  She was concerned for Bekah's safety and wanted to make sure she had my number in case any thing else might come up.

On another note, changing the I:C for lunch was exactly what Bekah needed.  Post lunch BG= 130...booya!