Will the real Rebekah please stand up

I was just going to post about my other three who don't get much of the spot light lately, but then I realized that Bekah gets seen through a cloud of D.  D does not nor ever will define her it is just a part of her like her blue eyes are a part of her. Here are a few of Bekah's favorite things...

I have shared her latest A1C (6.8) but did you know that playing with my hair brings her comfort.  It started when she was just a nursing infant.  She would reach up and  gently play with my hair while she was suckling.  She never ever pulled or yanked.  The only time it would hurt was if my hair was in a pony and she grabbed the hairs on the back of my neck.  I grew my hair out for locks of love and when I got it cut, I saved a lock for her (gross I know but she loved my hair so much that I thought she would think it was cool).  She wanted nothing to do with the hair if it was not connected to my head.  If she had my hair to play with, she could fall asleep any where.  To this day when she is feeling sick, she will sit beside me and gently sift her fingers through my hair.

Bekah also loves to dance.  For a season we were able to afford lessons for her.  It's just too expensive now especially with the extra cost of D.  Here is a video that I found on youtube that they made for a promo of her class.  She is itty bitty here.  It was her very first session of ballet.  She is second to the right of the teacher. 

 

Bekah loves to draw and unprompted will spend an afternoon "creating".  When given free choice time at school her favorite activities always included some sort of art.  Here is a drawing that she made in art class.  (at home we call her Bekah but at school she prefers to go by Rebekah) 

"Joy Unstoppable"

You hear about little David often and I decided to update you on him today.  What is going on in the toddler's life these days?  Other than growing like a weed and going from baby to little boy practically overnight, he has been keeping us busy with his toddler antics.

David turned one just a few weeks before Bekah was dx with T1D.  He has sacrificed so much with out even really realizing it over the last seven months.  From having to give up mommy while Bekah was in the hospital, to giving up nap times so we can be at school to help with Bekah's care.  Usually I believe in a pretty regular routine for little ones so they know what to expect and that seems to lessen tantrums.  Unfortunately D doesn't work around our schedule and there are many times when I have to scoop him up from his nap to head to school.  I hate waking him or knowing he just needs to sit and nurse down to sleep but we have to be at the school.  I am hoping now with the 504 (almost-not quite signed yet) in play and her teacher being so in tune with Bekah's personality and what to do for various different BG levels that we won't have to pack up in a moments notice as much and a regular routine will be possible.

A few weeks ago, little David started signing "pee peeeee in da paa-deee, pee peeee in da paa-deee" and dancing along to it when ever anyone would head in to the bathroom.  I decided that even though my other kids were all 3 before they were potty trained (we are a little slow with that one around here) that it was time to buy a little one for David.  After training 3 kids I have decided that I really don't like potty chairs so instead of his own little chair I got a couple of seats that fit on the big one to keep him from falling in.  One for upstairs and one for down.   So far we have mostly just "practiced".  He sits there and asks for toilet paper, I give him a square and he wipes, jumps down and flushes then we repeat until he is bored.  The first couple of days we camped out in the bathroom for like a half an hour.  Now it's just 5 min here and 5 min there.  He has made a couple of pees in the toilet and one turd.  He made bank with the turd.  Candy and a prize from the prize box.

David is talking lots now.  He says the funniest things.  I need to write them down because now that I am trying to remember, I can't seem to think of one of his funny quips.  The only one I can come up with is last night I did a basal test and was sound a sleep when he woke up to nurse. (it's amazing to me how I can be wide a wake checking a blood sugar one minute and so sound a sleep the next) I woke up to him tapping me saying "Hey! Hey Mommy!  I need da milk"  Once I became coherent that made me chuckle.  

I love the age that he is.  At a few months before he second birthday, he finds life fascinating.  Everything is new and fun!  He is discovering new things that he can say or do every day.  He is learning like a sponge.  Everything gets absorbed in to his little brain and who knows when it will come back out again.  Sometimes a little more than we bargained for with teenagers in the house teaching him things that babies just shouldn't know.  For instance, I think he is probably the only one year old that knows how to force a fart and thinks it's the funniest thing in the world when he is successful.  He does say excuse me but then laughs and tries it all over again.

David is not in to the tv much at all and I try to keep it off as much as possible but again a result of having teenagers in the house, he is addicted to youtube.  Being a toddler he loves to see things repeated over and over.  His favorite videos are the duck story ones and we watch them each at least twice a day as he begs "mo mo duck".  If you are unfamiliar with these, I attached them below. Be warned they are catchy and sometimes get stuck in your head. 

Naked Pancreas

My friend Reyna bared all in her meme and challenged others to do the same.  For those of you not immersed in the D world this gets a bit complicated.  Reyna was kind enough to add links which I cut a pasted from her meme. (I'm pretty sure they work here too.) 

1. What kind on insulin management mode do you use? A pink One Touch Ping insulin pump

2. How often do you inject/change pump sites? every 3-4 days (usually 2xs per week)

3. What type (s) of insulin do you use? novalog

4. What are your basal settings ? .175   24/7 (you have to remember we are noobs and still finding our way around.  a .175 keeps Bekah from going too high or too low.  Now that she is settled in school I think it's time to finally test her basal rate to see where we need to tweak.  Every time I have tried so far, we either have a low or high before so we have to start over again)

5. What are your correction factors ? 

 1:150 with a target BG of 120 during the day and 150 at night

6. What are your meal ratios ?

Breakfast=1:17

Lunch=1:18

from 3:00pm on= 1:25

7. What do you do for activity and/or PE? 

If BG is <200 then 15 carb uncovered snack (we check before and after to make sure she is safe to get on the bus and after anything under 150 gets another 15 carb uncovered snack) 

8. How do you manage Pizza, Macaroni and Cheese, or any other "difficult to manage" foods? Combo baby!  40%-60% over an hour usually works well for us but not always I'm still trying to figure it out.  Bekah is not a sandwich kid so I pack mac n cheese in a thermos for her often in her lunch and she only gets her insulin straight up at school.  With the extra activity etc it seems to work well.  I'm not seeing lows or super highs on those days.

9. How do you prefer to manage your logs/data?  When we were on MDI, I loved the frog log book but it doesn't allow enough space for all that I need to record with the pump and extra BG checks so now I use the Ping software and download and highlight myself.  I feel a little lazy not recording stuff every day.  

Joshua - the brave and noble one

 I chose to try to write a little about each of my children this week.  You may hear mere mentions of them but I have have not officially introduced you to them all. 

Today, is Joshua's day.  Joshua is my oldest child.  He is the one who gave me my first badge of honor and helped me enter the club called motherhood.  Joshua has been my pioneer, teaching me how to be a mom.  He has helped me through trial and error (lots of error) when to be soft and when to be firm; when grace is appropriate and when boundaries need to stand strong. 

Joshua is 15, soon to be 16.  He recently got his permit and is now driving. This is a scary season, a season of release for me.  A time when I have to trust that each time he gets behind the wheel that he will make wise choices and be ok.  A time when I find myself praying protection over him more than ever.

You don't hear much about Joshua because he doesn't "need" me as much as the other kids do.  He is pretty self sufficient and is in a season where his needs for parental stuff are met mostly by his dad.  There comes a time when the male roll model is strongest in a child's life.  Josh has always had a strong bond with his dad.  Even as a baby, where the other three only wanted me, Josh would be just as happy with Jason. 

As I write this, I am trying to be ever so careful about what I write because I don't want to embarrass him. he does have his "teenage" moments but over all I am proud of the man he is becoming.   

Josh is a great big brother and has a pretty tight bond with Bekah.  He was very concerned when she first got her pump that he wouldn't be able to rough house with her for fear it would get knocked off.  The kids all like to play rough and tumble games with Josh and their dad.  These big guys are like human jungle gyms for Bekah and David especially. 

Joshua is a gamer.  Video games are his thing.  He has never really been into any sports or instruments.  Video games are what has stuck with him.  That and jump-style dancing.  He is pretty good (I am slightly biased though).  He also has a thing for mid-evil stories (books, movies and television shows based on mid-evil themes), hence the title of this blog.

Josh stands at about 6' tall.  It is a very surreal day when you have to look up to see your child's face.  Josh is kind and sensitive.  He is fun to be around as he takes life fairly casually.  He posses the qualities of a great leader as he is confident to take charge of many different situations.  He sees the big picture and doesn't get caught up in the mundane details.

Joshua is a great kid and I am proud that he is mine.  Thank-you Lord for the amazing blessing that he is!

504 meeting (an update)

Today was our 504 meeting.  I had been dreading it all weekend.  I didn't know what to expect, having never  done this before.  It all went well.  They ended up taking mine and reading over it, asking questions and making it more relevant.  Things like having Bekah's lunch checked every day got thrown out because I know my daughter and she knows the rules of D and what has carbs etc.  She always eats all of her lunch so I have no worries that she won't and she leaves the pkgs in her lunch box so I double check when she gets home.  This was a point that before school started was a big deal to me that is not a big deal anymore.  There were a couple of other things like; I need to come to the school to check for ketones if I want that done and that is fine with me.  I just got a blood ketone meter and don't have the funds to keep the strips in both places.  Expecting a 7 yr old girl to pee on a stick at school seems a bit much to me (we use a toilet hat at home and dip the ketostix then wash the hat for the next use).  

My husband was there with me to bring out the bull dog if necessary.  (He's good at that- at almost 300lbs and 6'3" he is usually a teddy bear but can intimate the he** out of anyone that crosses him)  I appreciated the support. Josh was there to watch the younger two kiddos.  He was a big help as well!

I was having an emotional day to begin with.  (I have SAD-Seasonal Affective Disorder)  The rain in the NW started up heavy yesterday.  I will have to do a whole blog on the subject because in someways it is very comforting and I love this time of year.  On top of that I was dealing with some personal stuff that had me weepy most of the day.  I went into the meeting with my head held high but ended up melting down for a brief moment.  They were understanding and the meeting moved right along.  I am still a little embarrassed that I cried but it was just one of those days.  Glad I didn't have to face it alone.

All in all I feel like my daughter is being well cared for thanks mostly to her amazing teacher that treats her like one of her own kids.  She is somewhat familiar with managing BG levels as her dad and husband are both T2.  She's got the game down and knows how to flex with the crazy numbers that D brings up.

Magnificent Megan

I have four kids and you hear about 1 of them a lot because my thoughts are usually consumed with her and her numbers.  I do add David in from time to time because he is with me 24/7 and sometimes his antics just have to be shared.  I do struggle with the guilt of not giving my all to each of my kids so today I decided to tell you about my second born, my oldest daughter, Megan.

Each one of my children is incredibly unique.  I am so blessed to have been given the charge of raising these precious people and getting to experience daily life with them.  Some days are a challenge, no doubt, but the joy they bring me far out weighs the frustrations.    So with out further ado, meet Magnificent Megan!

Megan is 12 and is the definition of tween.  She seems to bounce between being a child and an adult wanna be on sometimes an hourly basis.  One morning she'll come down with her hair straitened, donning makeup and a stylish outfit and the next she'll come bouncing in with pig tails in her hair, no make up and chattering about her silly bandz.

Megan loves to read, she just started the third book in the "Hunger Games" trilogy.  She loves the "Twilight" series as well and I think has read each of the four books at least a dozen times.  She spends quite a bit of time at our local library and her room is filled with books galore.

Megan has a flare for the dramatic (what tween doesn't).  She joined the drama club at her school this fall and is preparing for her first audition.  She is also in choir so when in the mood her vocals can be heard resounding through out the house.  Megan also chose dance as her PE option this school year.  We get to watch a lot of  "shows" where she will perform the latest jig or tune.

Megan is also a great helper.  David has, from birth had a bond with her.  When he is upset, other than I, she is the only one who can console him most times.  When I have to be otherwise occupied with D care especially giving an injection or doing a site change, Megan is great to keep David distracted.  He loves his "Naynay"!

Megan is the antithesis of Bekah.  Where Bekah is shy and quiet, Megan is loud and outgoing.  Bekah tends to clam up and not want to talk about stuff especially when it comes to her health or D care, where Megan has to share every detail and wants to talk through every procedure that she may have to go through.  Bekah likes her clothes to match where Megan tends to have a more "artsy", way of dressing and could care less if purple stripes and orange polka dots don't go together if that is what she feels like wearing.  Where Bekah would rather fade into the background, Megan loves to be the center of attention. 
 
Last spring, Megan had some tummy trouble that I took her to the doctor for.  Blood test revealed elevated liver enzymes.  After a retest and seeing a specialist, it was determined that Megan might have fatty liver.  She has done so great to pay closer attention to what she is eating and drinking and get some more exercise.  Our scale reflects that she has lost 20 lbs.  (we have been in this weight loss journey together)  I assumed she was just chubby and needed to grow in to her weight.  I was chubby as a kid and once I had a preteen growth spurt was "normal".  I am so proud of her efforts to get healthy!  She seems to have a great attitude about the whole thing as well.  I worry because I know how fragile the female preteen psyche can be especially where it comes to body image so I have tried to be as positive and encouraging as possible in her journey to get her liver healthy.

Megan is a great big sister and is Bekah's champion.  She sticks up for her when the bratty neighborhood kids are eating dramatically (they know she can't always have what they are having and one in particular is just a brat about the whole thing) in front of her or asking questions that Bekah doesn't feel like answering.  She holds her hand when, Bekah doesn't feel like being brave and Megan has even given Bekah an injection.  Megan cheers on her sister as she reaches new mile stones in her self care (checking her BG level on her own, giving her self shots etc).  Megan has been very compliant to take the back seat for a season while we all get used to this, albeit unwelcome, new house guest called diabetes.

As I looked back over some of my older posts, I realized that I had done a couple on Megan so you can go here or here to read more about this magnificent girl.

Pumpkin Day

Our beautiful weather had to end sometime so today was a great day to stay indoors and experience pumpkins to the fullest.  Today we decided to carve pumpkins (a sensory experience in and of its self) roast seeds, make pie and bread.  I made salted seeds, garlic and herb seeds and then cinnamon topped with a bit of stevia to add sweetness with out carbs.  I got so wrapped up in the seeds, the bread has to wait until tomorrow.  We had great fun digging out the guts and creating faces and other such creatures on our pumpkins.  I was the only one who didn't make a face on my pumpkin because I like to bake mine, puree it and make goodies out of it.  Pumpkin chocolate chip cookies are on my list of things to make with my yummy gourd.  Here are some pictures of our day:

Sometimes it's the little things...

 Hearts are heavy around the DOC and rightly so.  We have been hit hard.  We see each other like family and in some cases offer each other more support than family.  When one of our own has left us we all take it personally because we know it could just as easy be us facing our worst night mare.  Reyna put it very well this morning, we need to live life to the fullest each and everyday!  I decided to write about something a little more light today that brought me joy this week. 

We are a family of humble means. The weather in the mornings has been getting more chilly every day although the afternoon have been gorgeous.  Bekah has grown out of the winter coat that she wore last year.  She is not one to wear a heavy coat everyday and sweatshirt or fleece usually will suffice so when we got school clothes, I didn't buy her a new coat and decided to save the funds for when she would need one. The weather in the NW is very unpredictable and it could be in the upper 50s and raining all winter in which case she wouldn't need anything heavier than her rain coat over a fleece.  This fall, my once rarely sick girl, seems to be fighting colds on a regular basis.  Yesterday, it was 38 degrees and I felt so guilty sending her to school in a fleece.  She was fine with it though.  As I drove home, after dropping her off at school, knowing we had almost no money in the bank account, I prayed a little prayer.  "Lord, help me find the perfect coat for Bekah that fits in to my budget".  I knew I had seen some at Costco and my plan was to head there later in the afternoon hoping we would have the funds to purchase one.  As my day went along, I realized that Costco wasn't going to work into my errands.  I had some stuff to drop off at the consignment store so I decided to wait until Bekah got home from school and take her with me so we could look there for a coat.

The consignment store that I shop at is awesome!  It actually smells good and they only take name brands, even then are super picky, so everything is in top notch condition.  We looked along the row of coats in Bekah's size range.  Each one that looked great would be on the small side.  I was just about to give up when there it was.  A double layer Gymboree coat in her size.  It is really four coats in one.  The two zipped together, each layer separated  or the inner layer can be reversed to make a cute fleece.  Anyone who knows me well, knows that in the days when we had money, I was a Gymboree freak.  I don't think Megan wore very many things that weren't from Gymboree all the way up until kindergarten.  The coat was marked at $14.00, even more perfect!  We took it to the cash register to pay and they checked my in store credit from my consigns.  I had more than enough to pay for the coat.  As we left, I said a prayer of thanks for my practically free find!  Here is Bekah modeling the coat:

Yes, Nicole (a good friend since we were in 5th grade who has 9 kids) I will pass my great find along to you when Bekah is done with it.  

Speaking of Nicole, she made my day last week.  David has particularly wide feet.  It's not really his feet but his toes that are wide and his baby toe gets caught unless he is wearing wide width shoes.  I was lamenting to Nicole that I was probably going to have to take David to get some expensive shoes to accommodate his toes.  She being the super shopper that she is, has a huge box of shoes for her kids.  As each one grows out of a pair it goes in the box for the next child to wear.  She actually had 3-4 pair of shoes that David's feet fit into that she let us borrow until the triplets are ready for them.   Thanks! =)

Another little thing that puts a smile on my face everyday is the coffee maker my in-laws gave me for Christmas last year.  Isn't she beautiful!  She makes the yummiest cup of coffee for me every morning.  (I buy the little k-cups at Costco, Tully's French Roast to be exact) I am a creature of habit and use the same mug, given to me for my birthday a few years ago by a dear friend, every morning.  As I am perusing your blogs each morning you can bet that mug is in one hand filled with a full bodied, rich cup o' joe. 

 

I was going for an artistic angle  

Have a great weekend!  Loves! 

504 meeting

I got a call this week to finally schedule a 504 meeting.  Monday (10-25) is the date we set.  Please make a mental note, I'd appreciate your thoughts and prayers. 

The call didn't go as I had hoped.  The person on the other end said, "we'll meet and get everyone's ideas".  I informed her that I had already written a very detailed 504 (that she should have a copy of) and suggested that maybe we could just read through that and make edits as necessary.  "That's not how we do these things," was her reply.  "We all need to collaborate and then I will make it all nice and neat."  I felt like this was a dig at me.  My 504 is very professional looking.  I took more than 2 weeks this summer to research and write the most detailed, professional 504, to ensure my daughter's safety and they are throwing it out.  I am feeling a bit agitated about that.  I am a busy mom of four and time is gold.  I feel like they just stole from me something so precious that you can't put a price on it.    

All that to say, I am feeling a bit discouraged and not looking forward to Monday.  I don't want to go in to this meeting all defensive.  Some days my emotions get the best of me and all I can do is cry.  That'll be just great, a blubbering mom who can't pull it together.  I will keep you posted...

David

This post has been haunting my thoughts for the past 7 months.  Given the recent events, I just need to get it out of my head and in to cyber space.  I will warn you, this is a tragic event and just as much of a parent's night mare as the recent death of a CWD.  I don't expect you to read it but I need to purge my brain.  I need to release the fear.  Proceed with caution...

David, was my husband's best friend in high school.  They had dreams of raising their families together and pursuing degrees from the University of Washington. The plan was that they would both get math degrees and eventually be math teachers.  David played the guitar and was a part of a band that did some Christian rock, Petra style of course.  Jason did the sound for that group.  David was smart and talented, he was kind and a great friend.  I used to love to rub his head after he had just gotten a fresh cut.  I loved the way his newly sheared head felt.  David also had T1D.  I didn't know much about it nor did I ask.  It was his thing and he made it look like no big deal.  He'd carry insulin and syringes around in his pocket and give himself injections through his jeans (not the most sanitary of practices but at least he was getting his insulin).  I never remember seeing him check his blood sugar, but then again that was 20 years ago and I'm not sure what kind of technology for checking blood glucose levels was available then.

David became a husband and father not long after the boys graduated and by the time they were 21, had three children (one was adopted from his wife's previous relationship).  Life was stressful for David as he worked tirelessly to make ends meet.  I had no idea the other stresses in his life.  I didn't take the time to understand about D.  As I look back, I feel so selfish.  As close as we all were, I didn't even try to "get"  that part of him. 

I remember one time helping he and his wife move and there was nothing really left in the house when he had to sit down with a low BG.  He was searching for anything to help get his BG back up.  My husband ran to the store for some OJ while I stayed and talked to David.  I remember he was sitting there looking scared and sweating.  I asked some ignorant questions as I tried to understand what was going on.  Jason got back fast with the OJ and after a few minutes David was good to go. 

I graduated two years after Jason (and David) and we got married not long after.  It was the following February that we got the call......  David had taken his life. 

He bought a gift for each of his girls and then gave himself a shot of insulin.  He was watching out the window of a hotel room, looking at the coast when he passed out on to the bed.  He had rented a room for 3 days.  The maid found him.  I remember at the time thinking, "how did he know how much would do the trick?"  Now a seasoned D-mom, I know he knew. 

I think about it so often now.  I was so ignorant when it happened.  I can just see him starting to shake and sweat, feeling scared and alone.  I wonder, as he was going unconscious, did he regret what he was doing?  I hate that I didn't try harder to "get it".


David and Jason had this thing about the name Joshua and the race was on to see who had the first boy.  Of course when our first son was born, we named him Joshua and our second boy is named David, after our friend.  We also chose the name David because we  can honestly say we have never met a David we did not like.

I can't go back but if he were here now I would tell him that I am sorry I didn't take the time to understand him better.  I do wish he were here to give his perspective as we parent our way through this blasted disease.  What advice would he give?  How would his wisdom help us? 

I would love to tell you that we stayed close to his wife and girls, but we didn't.  The pain was just too much.  It was an immature response to grief, I see that now.   It's been 17 and a half years but still, the pain some days, like now as I type this, is just as fresh as the day it happened. We have stayed in contact with his parents but not as close as either of us would like.  Again, the pain and memories come flooding back every time we are in the same room.  

So you see, I have a healthy and some days not so healthy fear of insulin.  Insulin took the life of some one dear to me.  I don't want to hear about it taking the life of anyone else, especially one of my own children.  My heart aches tonight for my own loss and for a family that I have never met.  My heart aches becuase the reality of D slapped us all upside the  head today.  Meri's post stirred something in me and brought this post to the forefront of my mind.  I know if I am going to release the fear, I have to release my friend and the way that he left this earth.

Good bye David!  Rest In Peace my friend!  

(I hope one day to add a photo to this post.  All of our photos and year books are packed away.)


My thoughts and prayers go out to Eilish's family as the sting of death is so fresh in their hearts. 

Pumpkin Patch

Sunday, was just as beautiful as Saturday but I couldn't talk the family into another 5+ mile hike.  We decided instead, to go to the pumpkin patch.  There are several in our area.  The one we chose is probably the busiest one in town.  We got lucky and found parking pretty soon after we arrived.  The kids wanted to start out with the giant hay bail.  The climbed and crawled and had great fun.  Next was a hay maze.  At the end of the maze Bekah just casually asks me for a baby wipe and begins to clean her finger to check her BG.  45!  That is the lowest low we have seen.  We went to visit the animals after she ate her fast acting carbs while we waited to get her BG back in range.  I had expected it the day before but was not as prepared to see a low number that day.  Her BG came right back up and stayed good for the rest of the day.  We got lost for close to an hour in the corn maze.  (Score one for mom, sneaking in the exercise when they weren't expecting it)  We took a hay ride out to the pumpkins once we got free.  David was so cute, wanting to pick up every pumpkin.  He finally found one he could pick up and was oh so proud!  Enjoy the pics:

Activity

"Activity, activity, activity..." is my new mantra as I am working to make myself a healthier person and be a better example to my kids.

After Bekah's dx in March, I wanted to be able to place her on a shelf as if she were a porcelain doll.  Don't move a muscle and maybe we can have control over D.  Ha ha ha... I finally got brave after about 3 weeks and we went out for a walk.  I gave her a juice box before we left and then we fought off a couple of lows when we got home.  It was scary for me so I avoided getting her out for very much activity for the next few months.  If she was content to stay in doors and color then I was fine with that.

Fast forward to August and Megan's GI appt.(She was dx with fatty liver)  I knew then that I was at fault and had set a poor example for her and we both needed to make a change.  I began encouraging Megan  to be more active and was trying myself too.  I had Megan keep a journal of  four things; what she was eating, how much water she was drinking, how much screen time (computer, tv, video games) and how much activity.  I made sure she understood that there was no judgment.  I just wanted to increase her awareness of what she was doing and what changes could be made to increase her health.  I joined this venture with her so she didn't feel alone.  I have to honestly admit that my efforts were only half-a** as I was buried in trying to get all of the documents and supplies together to make sure that Bekah would be safe at school all day. 

A couple of weeks ago we got an exercise trampoline.  I also had an epiphany that I needed get over my fear of her being active and begin now encouraging Bekah to get regular exercise and eat her veggies. These are key components to managing good health, D or no D.  She does ok with veggies but has realized that she doesn't NEED to eat them.  Her carbs are always first and then she is usually full.  So I set up a sticker chart.  For every 3 servings of veggies or 20 min of exercise, the girls each get a sticker (there is not a limit to the number of stickers they can earn in a day).  (I am on the chart as well)  Bekah's school has a licorice sale every  Friday after lunch, so if she has 7 stickers on the chart by Friday, she gets a quarter to buy two pieces of licorice.  I am hoping this is teaching Bekah that treats are ok in moderation while getting the good habits of eating veggies and regular exercise to stick for life.  Megan's reward is getting to watch her favorite tv show that day if she has at least two stickers on the chart for that particular day.  (I am a little more intense about it with Megan because she is older and can handle higher expectations and her health has suffered already so we need to get it fixed fast, plus I have less time to teach these things to Meg as she is approaching the teen years and we all know what teens think of parents.)

Yesterday, it was a gorgeous day here in the Great Northwest!  I decided some outdoor activity was in order.  There is a walking trail that is just about 3 miles in length (which makes for a nice 5.5+ mile hike) not far from our house.  Bekah checked her BG before we left (83 so a juice box was in order) and away we went.  Bekah got a little crabby at one point so I asked if she "felt low".  I knew it would be a fight to get her to check so I handed her a juice box and a handful of fish crackers.  I then remembered that I had the POWER now that she is on a pump so I turned down her basal rate 50% for the next hour and a half.  I told her to just keep munching on goldfish if she felt hungry and we'd just correct if she went high at dinner.  (I had pulled pork in the crock pot so I knew we'd be eating almost immediately after we walked in the door.) I don't remember the exact number but her BG was somewhere around 160.  No lows that night either =) 

Here are some pictures of our wonderful outing:

 Checking out the woolly bear caterpillars along the trail

 

 

 

 Daddy and David on the bridge

 

 

 

 The view from the trail (if you look closely in the back ground you can see Mt. Hood)

 

 

 

The whole crew, Josh is in the lead (walking and texting of course) Bekah is on her scooter beside Jason pushing David in the stroller and Meg is on her bike

The not so super substitute...

I think Bekah is out of the honeymoon phase and her pancreas has now kicked the bucket.  Since school started we were battling lows.  Not low lows, I'm talking a lot of 77s.  (we treat anything under 80 as a low)  Then suddenly we had a beautiful week of  105-135.  No joke.  I couldn't even bring myself to blog about it because it was such a thing of beauty and I didn't want to jinx it.  Suddenly last week we started having a random 3somethings, but still most of her numbers began with a 1 and life was good for the most part.  BAM!  Out of the blue last night when I did her midnight check before heading to bed myself,  the meter read 415!  I'm not sure where it came from.  I washed her hands with a baby wipe to make sure we were getting an accurate reading.  395!  Bolus for the HBG and check for ketones ( we just got a blood ketone meter and I LOVE it) 0.0.  Whew, no need to change the site just yet.  Of course I didn't get much sleep.  My hubby checked her at 3:00, BG = 330 and ketone check said 0.0 again.  I breathed a sigh of relief because as much as I was hating those numbers I did not want to do a site change in the middle of the night.  Last time I tried, Bekah woke up just after I placed the new site and yanked it out, and then was a CRAB for the rest of the day.

First thing this morning we did site change.  Her fasting BG this morning was 158.  It had come down quite a bit.  Her teacher had told me the day before that her class would have a sub as she got called last minute to attend a class.  I had an appt over in Portland with Megan to see a GI specialist for some liver issues that she has been having so I would be quite a ways from school if there was a problem.  I was exhausted from the night before and a nervous wreck about how the school day would go.  I wanted to keep Bekah with me but decided that she needs to know that I trust her and that I trust that she is going to be ok.  I don't want to create a relationship with her where she is unhealthily dependent on me all of the time. So, I sent her to school.


When she got off of the bus, I asked how her day went and immediately took out her daily BG log that I use to communicate with her teacher.  ( I pretty much copied Reyna's)  It was not filled out except for the lunch part that the secretary does.  I asked if she had just had a snack and Bekah said no.  Did you have one before recess?  no After? no.  I start to panic thinking she is on the verge of a low and we have 1/4 mile to walk back home.  (a very long walk when you have a low BG)  As we walk she mentions that her last BG reading was 4 something.  I stopped in my tracks and took out her meter then raced through the button pushes to get to her last BG.  Yes, indeed it was 453!  I asked if they checked for ketones? Bekah informed me that she just went out to play.  I have written a very detailed 504 that outlines all of this.  See:

5. HIGH BLOOD SUGAR (HYPERGLYCEMIA)

5.1    Bekah may feel thirsty, sluggish, hungry, have a headache, blurred vision, and/or need to urinate often when her blood glucose is high.  See Bekah’s Diabetic Information and Care Plan document for specific information on treating high blood sugars.

5.2    Hyperglycemia (high blood sugar) should be monitored closely.  Whenever Bekah's blood glucose is over 300, the nurse should also check for ketones using the urine ketone strips.

5.3    Lack of insulin supply, which can occur with a pump malfunction or an occlusion in the tubing or infusion site, may lead to diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA) within a few hours.    Diabetic ketoacidosis is an emergency medical condition that can be life-threatening if not treated promptly.

There is another section that talks about when to call mom and a BG reading of over 300 is one reason, ketones present is another.  I wrote a letter to the principal, nurse and her teacher to let them know this happened.  Once home, I rechecked her BG and checked for ketones.  BG= 348 and ketones 0.2 (I'm still getting used to the blood meter readings but I assume this is trace)  I was still infuriated that they allowed her to go play when she had ketones present.  I know this was not much and she was not in danger but she could have been.  What ifs flooded my mind.  I'm so thankful that this turned out ok.

Add to my day Megan's appt.  It was not horrible.  The GI doc was extremely encouraging the first time we saw her.  Megan has been working hard and our scale at home reflects about a 20 lb weigh loss.  She was weighed last week at the nutritionist office and that showed only a 10 lb weight loss.  The doc's scale reflected only a 3 lb weigh loss. The doc didn't even mention it.  Even 3lbs for a 12 year old is amazing!  The doc was a bit more critical and didn't want to recheck Meg's liver numbers because she didn't think that much had been done.  I left a little disillusioned.  I guess I was hoping for some kudos because I feel like we have done and are doing a great job!  Maybe I was just overtired and sensitive because of the lack of sleep.  

I'm tired.  I'm frustrated.  I'm done.

Gift Exchange

Cindy put together a gift exchange.  David got paired up with the Princess as in the Superhero's sister and Bekah with Ally from Life is like a Box of Chocolates.  Thank-you Cindy for such a great idea!  Thanks to Ally and Misty and Tracy and her Princess for such fun gifts!  The kids love them!  Megan got paired up too but I will post her exchange separately.  (I'm working on a post dedicated all to her)  Enjoy the pics!  (Bekah's pics turned out a little better because I took them on my camera, David's I took with my phone)  

  

 

 

 

 (If you look closely you can see her medical ID from MedicAlert)

 (notice the Tummietote from Tally gear)

My journey

It has been almost a week since my last post and I'd like to think you might have been wondering what I have been up to.  (I know I wonder about all of you when multiple days go by with out a word).  I started a new blog dedicated specifically to my weight loss journey.  I decided to officially begin on 10-10.  I wasn't going to post anything about it here but decided that this is a big (no pun intended lol) part of me and I love learning about all of you aside from the D aspect of your lives. I do love that D is what brings us together and you are all some of the most encouraging people I have ever met.  (Some of you are not D folk but follow me because you like me =) thank-you.)

I'm not sure I like the look of the blog just yet.  I threw something up that had butterflies which I chose to symbolize the metamorphosis that I am looking forward to taking place in my life.  I thought about making it private because as I read the words, I feel naked, as my struggle with weight has been the place I have faced the most judgment and pain, but that would take away the accountability factor.   If you ever want to peek in on my progress, I'd love to have some encouragement along the way.  =)

Blue Sand

I woke this morning with a to do list that felt like a mile long. I have spent so much time at the school since the beginning of the year (for reasons that I am not allowed to mention because in case you haven't heard, it's no D day) that my poor house has been a little neglected. The sun was in rare form for a northwest fall day. As I was picking up toys, I passed by the back slider door and caught a glimpse of the sand table in the back yard. I felt an urge to go put my hands in the soft blue sand that it contained. "Maybe later...David would love to play in the sand after I get a few more things done", I thought to myself. I went upstairs and the laundry pile was overwhelming. I took a load downstairs and started the washer. As I turned to go get the cleaning supplies to begin cleaning the bathroom, I could see the sand table through the window with golden rays of sun dancing around it but, as I looked away there was Mt. Washmore taunting me. I took a deep breath, "I have GOT to get this stuff done" I sighed to myself. After a few more minutes of cleaning I could feel the beautiful blue sand beckoning me to come and play. I didn't waste another minute, I scooped up my son and took him outside to play in the blue sand.

The bulldozers brought in the building material and the gallant castles were constructed. The dinosaurs tromped through the forest, finally destroying the castles with the help of the giant (aka 19 month old toddler that loves to knock down towers and destroy castles built of sand). I didn't even think about the house work the whole time we played. Yes Mt. Washmore is still intact (getting smaller though). I was too caught up in the moment to take any photos. The photo at the top is from a different day when we first got the blue sand.

**revision** I wrote and posted this late last night and as I reread through it this morning, noticed that in my efforts to be poetic, I may have missed the point as I failed to articulate the sweet little toddler who was following me around while I did my chores saying "Play Mama?" It was for him that I went out to the sand not my own selfish desires to put off housework and kick back to play. My point was supposed to be to seize the moment and play with your kids. Yes the housework will always be there but the kids are growing faster than we realize in the daily mundane of life. Life is a delicate balance as we don't want to live in filth and teach our kids that housework is never important but in our hurry up and go life we don't want to miss what is most important in this world. I think too often we don't take time to really see our kids or seize the moments as they grow. **

This day reminded me of a poem that I received about 10 years ago. I was a young mom and loved my kids, but didn't really know how to cherish them. I was caught up in all that needed to be done to be a good mom. A friend had just gotten the horrific news, that the baby she had been carrying for 20 weeks had a birth defect that made it incompatible with life outside of the womb. (The official diagnosis was anencephaly) I learned in that season how to cherish my own children, as my friend went through the unthinkable. She chose not to take the baby's life prematurely and left the timing up to God. Her little girl was born in the middle of the night in mid July and lived for about 45 minutes. After her passing, my friend needed to share her baby. I was one of the privileged few that got to go and see this sweet little bundle. After I spent time with my friend and her baby (who was deceased), I went home and read the poem that was on my fridge and in those moments was changed. The roll of mom was no longer a burden and the stuff that went along with it no longer mattered. What mattered most to me was the (at the time) two precious lives that God had blessed me with (now I have four). I held my children a little tighter that day and have ever since.

Just For This Day... (author unknown)

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying...
Just for this morning, I will let you wake up softly, all rumpled in your sheets and I will hold you until you are ready for the day...
Just for this morning, I will let you chose what you want to wear and I will smile and say how perfect it is...
Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry and pick you up and take you to the park to play...
Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink and let you teach me how to put those Legos of yours together...

Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles...
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once not even an tiny grumble when you scream fro the ice cream truck and I will buy you one, if he comes by...
Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned...
Just for this afternoon I will let you help me bake cookies and I won't stand over you trying to fix them...
Just for this afternoon, I will take you to McDonalds and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys...

Just for this evening , I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you...
Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry...
Just for this evening, I will let you stay up later while we sit on the porch and count all the stars...
Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours and miss all my favorite tv shows...

Just for this Day , when I run my fingers through your hair, as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given ...

Just for this day and every day there after, I will thank God for you and ask Him for nothing except.... One more day

JDRF Walk 2010

Just over six months ago, I wouldn't have given much thought to the JDRF walk. I might have donated a few bucks because I knew it was a good cause but the day would have come and gone and I wouldn't have given it a second thought. My world however was rocked in March of 2010 by this thing called Juvenile Diabetes and it nearly stole my daughter away from me. I jumped right on the bandwagon to any effort to try to find a cure and registered as a team captain in May. I didn't care if no one walked with me, I HAD to do this! As the months went along, people donated and joined the team to walk with us. I wasn't sure what I was doing but just kept trudging through with any direction I could find. I had never been to this type of event so I had no idea what to expect.

The JDRF walk in the Portland area was held on Oct 3 at Oaks Amusement Park. The theme was "to a Cure and Beyond". We showed up bright an early with the other team captains at 8:00 AM and IHOP served breakfast at 9:00. (I'm not one to usually complain about stuff but there were no carb counts on anything and they served us a carb filled breakfast of pancakes with syrup-I didn't see a sugar free option, I'm thinking they could have done a better job of being D friendly) The day was amazing though! We did get little rain, in true NW fashion =). Mostly it was misty. (Here in the NW we have at least 100 words for rain that correlate to the type of rain we are having at the moment. Many would say it was just spitting on this particular morning.) We had 23 walkers on our team and the count is still out but so far have raised over $2,500! Radio Disney provided the entertainment and after the walk was a BBQ followed by all walkers getting to ride the rides at the park. We had a blast!

Here is a photo of our table that we were supposed to decorate with the theme in mind

My sisters were amazing when Bekah was dx. It was some of the scariest days of my life and they were the ones I found by my side supporting me however they could and again for our JDRF walk they were there again supporting my daughter and I. We also had some dear friends drive down from the Seattle area to be with us as well. With the exception of our immediate family and my mother-in-law, Jason's half sister and step-dad, everyone drove at least two hours to walk with us! Now that is love! I felt a lot of love and support and hope that our efforts will grow next year.

Here is the best thing I got to a group photo (I forgot to take one myself and also couldn't find the place they were taking the official group photos) Getting ready to step out into the crowd.

As we walked we cheered "Y-E-L-L everybody YELL for BEKAH'S BOUNTIFUL BUNCH!!!" We also did a jodie (marching cadence) that my husband made up on the spot "I don't know but I've been told that all these kids have hearts of gold; we are here to find a cure and get rid of any lasting fear; we are here today to beat the clock, that is why we are on this three mile walk; sound off 1,2 sound off 3,4 sound off 1,2...3,4" We had a ton of spirit and others along the walk joined in.

Here you can see my sisters and my nieces cheering as they walk
Here is a great shot of the back of the shirts (David and Daddy are watching the big kids go on rides)
After we had our fill of rides we went back to my parent's house(they had another obligation so they couldn't walk with us ) for my dad's yummy BBQed ribs. As David says "Dampa ibs"
Here are a couple pictures of our family group that I took at my parent's house afterward (One of my nephews and brother in law are missing from the photos as they had another obligation)



Just in case you can't get a good view here is a close up of our shirt

My Best Friend

Today is not only the JDRF walk in our area but it marks the day that my husband and I started dating, 22 years ago. We were just kids. I was 15 and he 17. I was drawn to his gentle yet stable ways. He had a deep faith in Jesus Christ that I wanted to experience more of. We married 3.5 years later, just a few months after I graduated from high school.

Over the years we have laughed and cried together as life has brought us so much joy with a little pain thrown in. He is still my stable rock. He fights dragons for me as he deals with our extremely tight finances and puts the various agencies (like insurance companies and pharmacies) that screw things up in their place. He supports me in all that I do. When people ask "does your wife work?" His answer is always "oh yes she works harder than I do." He protects any judgment that people might have that I need to get a job working outside of our home. We make sacrifices to keep me home and one of them is that my husband rarely puts himself first. He has missed many a birthday gift because while we had great intentions, there was something more important that came up. He won't let me do that though, in his eyes there is not much that would trump making me feel like a princess on my birthday.

When it comes to D care, Jason will do whatever I ask of him. He is a night owl so his main D job is the 2-3AM checks. I am so thankful that he takes the reigns for this job almost every night. Our little David is not a good sleeper and I take the night shift with him.



My Jason is a punster and loves to make people laugh (or groan). He loves politics (me not so much). Strategy games are his thing. He can take just about anybody at a game of Catan. Jason loves kids especially babies. His occupation is as a web developer although he has taught high school on two different occasions with an emergency certification. He loves to think outside of the box and is a visionary. Jason posses both a physical and spiritual strength that are rare. My husband is a quiet man most of the time but he can get the kids riled up in a good wrestle/tickle match. He has a thirst for knowledge and a quest for truth and justice. I am proud that he is the father of my children because he lives an example of a Christ-like character and shows them how to enjoy life. One thing that I adore about my husband is that he squeezes every ounce of life out of every minute of the day. He loves his family more than life itself and his top priority is making our lives the best they can be. My favorite place in the world is with his big strong arms wrapped around me.

After reading Reyna's post about Dave and the book given to her, great post by the way, I had to do an evaluation. I have worked with children with special needs and know the statistics. When you add that kind of stress to a marriage, the chances of staying married go way down. I didn't think that anything could shake my marriage really. We are not in trouble but there has been tension and stress and very few breaks, just the two of us, to nurture our relationship since D entered the picture. I wanted this post to be all sunshine and roses but I felt like I needed to keep it real. Even the most blissful of couples get shaken up by their child having a chronic illness. Even the most compatible people don't always see eye to eye when they are sleep deprived and anxious about what the future holds for their child. Hey Reyna, if you are out there I'd love to have the name of the book you referenced in your post. I have always prided my self in having a great marriage and I know if I don't take time to read that book and make the extra effort to nurture my marriage that great might turn to good, and good to so so, and so so to not so great, and then I don't even want to think about what that could mean.

I am so very blessed to be married to my best friend, the person who knows me best and loves me most. I can honestly say, I only love Jesus more.

Accidental Squash Soup

I love fall and squash season. I'm one of the only people in my family that eats it but I looove squash. Since it is a rare treat I bought the pre-peeled and cubed Butternut from Costco. If I am treating my self then it's worth it to not have to cut it up and peel it. Today, I decided that squash would be on the menu for lunch. Oh my mouth is watering even as I type it.

I dumped in the container of squash and added some water, a shake or two of salt and a pinch of cinnamon to a large pan and brought it to a boil. When it was done cooking I realized I had overestimated the amount of water needed. I didn't want to drain all of the good vitamins out so I decided to puree it and see what happened. My hand mixer is on it's last leg but it did an ok job of mostly smoothing out the chunks. I decided to try thickening up the mixture with some cottage cheese. I placed the 4+ cups of squash mixture in the blender with about a half a cup or so of cottage cheese and blended them together. To my surprise when it was finished I had the most yummy creamy butternut squash soup I had ever tasted!

Sorry no exact recipe or carb count but I had to share!