The cost of it all...

 

Diabetes can be a very expensive disease to try to manage.  Our family is very fortunate in that the insurance that we have through our state pays 100% of all medical expenses.  I do buy the lancet cartridges for the lancing device that Bekah prefers as those are not covered.  They cover one that actually hurts when you poke (ask my husband, I had him check his BG level the other day when he was feeling a bit hypoglycemic and he complained for quite a while about that little buggar)  It does seem ironic to me that one of the life saving things we need to have for Bekah also is not covered, the glucose needed to bring her out of a hypoglycemic episode.  

I had stopped at the store for some Juicy Juice as we were running low and decided to pick up some Starbursts because for some reason the Costco that I shop at has not had the big bag of them for quite some time.  Our stash of Smarties was getting low as well so I added those to the cart.  In my eyes, I was buying medicine.  The cashier I think thought otherwise.  He was very kind but gave me a look of horror when he saw all of that sugar come through his check stand.  

Starburst $3.00 a bag X 4 bags = $12.00

Smarties $2.00 a bag(on sale) X 2 bags= $4.00

Juicy Juice $2.50 for an 8 pack X 6 packs= $15.00

Knowing that my daughter has what is needed to fight the hypoglycemic episodes that are inevitable when you are dependent on insulin=  PRICELESS

Too good to be true??

I have to honestly admit that after reading Shannon's post, I was a bit jealous.   We have had no one who has tried to understand our world and take on the responsibilities.  Well, I should clarify.  I did leave Bekah with my sister (who is a nurse) in charge at my parents house (my husband was there but was napping) while my other sister and I went shopping for about an hour.  My mother-in-law has taken an interest and took the girls and David for "grandma camp" one day this past summer.  My husband and I were able to go out to lunch sans kids, it was very nice.  My parents are working on getting brave enough to take her and so is my father-in-law.  It is a HUGE responsibility so I am not hurt by their tentativeness.  I would just love to go on a date night with my husband with no worries about D.  I do know that in an extreme emergency, there is a family that I could turn to that also has a daughter with T1D who was dx 5+ years ago and has used a Ping (insulin pump).  I began to pray that God would bring me just the right person to come along side and offer to help out so Jason and I could have a date night.  It is awkward to ask because most people don't like to tell you no and I wouldn't want anyone who is not comfortable trying to take on the responsibility of caring for my daughter.   My prayer was specifically that they would offer...

Today, after I had given Bekah her bolus for her hot lunch, David and I walked her purse with her meter, back down to her classroom for her. Her teacher and I chatted for a bit about an upcoming field trip. Then out of the blue she said, " this has been on my heart and if you don't mind, I'd like to offer you some respite care. It's probably hard for you and your husband to get a date night and I know how to take care of Bekah and would be happy to have her and David over some evening"  I think my jaw dropped to the floor.  This is the woman that I trust with Bekah's care for 6 hrs a day 5 days a week.  I can't think of a better person, plus Bekah has a relationship with her.  That is huge in Bekah's world.  She does not like meeting or being around adults that she doesn't know well.  (For the first 4+ years of her life, I don't think my sisters had heard her talk).  I told Mrs. M that Jason and I hadn't been on a real date for over a year and she immediately told me to plan something for around Valentine's Day. 

I'm so excited!!  I get to go out on a date with the hottest guy I know! ;) Woohoo!!

PPS (Post Pasta Spike)

What is it about pasta?? I am getting close to getting pizza down to a science but pasta still has me beat.

Yesterday was my sweet Bekah-boo's 1/2 birthday. We don't eat out often but decided that 1/2 birthdays were something to celebrate and an excuse to splurge on eating out. The birthday or 1/2 birthday person in this case gets to pick the place. We ate at a local restaurant where you throw the peanut shells on the ground. Bekah loves that part and that she gets a pre-dinner treat as we don't bolus for peanuts. Mac-n-cheese is her dream food so that is of course what she ordered with fruit on the side. I am getting pretty good at restaurant swagging even though I don't do it often. I did a combo bolus of 60% upfront and 40% extended over an hour and a half.

Once home we did chores, homework, played a quick game and then baths. After her bath we did a BG check and got a 70 and she wasn't feeling low at all. 70 to her is low because we treat everything under 80 as a low BG. I didn't want to confuse her but my instinct said to wait it out, the PPS (post pasta spike) was coming. I let her have 20g of cookies that they gave her at the end of her meal and she was too full at the time to eat. I thought at this point it is probably better to correct later than to confuse her as to what I was up to.

At 12:00 I got a 212 and gave a correction and at 3:00, Jason got a 319. As we all know that fasting BG that our kiddos wake up at has a huge effect on the numbers for the rest of the day. By wake up her BG was only down to 245.

I am going to do some basal testing this weekend to make sure that is not the problem but darn that pasta anyway! She LOVES it so I have got to figure this out. She does have mac-n-cheese almost everyday at lunch but that body in motion keeps the PPS away.

I would love to hear your tips and tricks for pasta. I promise to seek my medical team for their advice before trying your ideas. Thanks!

Treating the lows...

This is what treating a low BG looks like in our house. (that is Meg that peeks in in the end)

For you my friends....

A friend posted this on her blog and it spoke to me so I repost it here for you my friends, may you blessed by this...

Fruit Salad gone bad...

Please do not take any of this as medical advice, although I play the role of a pancreas for my daughter what works for us probably won't work for you.  

I screwed up royally today!  I am kicking myself and the guilt feels like it will never loose it's grip on me.  This morning I was cutting up some fruit for David and myself when Bekah asked for a fruit salad for breakfast too.  I asked what she wanted in her salad and she decided on a pear, an apple and a mandrin orange.  I decided to use my handy dandy scale to measure said fruit to get the correct carb amount to bolus her for.  I weighed the pear and got 27.6 (grams of net carb) and the apple was 28.2 (grams of net carb) and I know the mandrin is about 10 and didn't want to weigh it with the skin on and forgot after I had peeled and sectioned it.  I put the slald together for Bekah and she gave me her meter with the reading of 182 (one of the best wake up numbers she has had all week due to an illness).  I gave the correction and bolused for 65g of carb and added .25 U (I have been doing this since I got wind of the super bolus via several blogs and research. I am not following the protocol correctly but it has worked like a champ to keep those after breakfast spikes down a bit with out her going low.)

She ate the entire salad and the kids were playing when I heard her say in her sweet little voice, "Mommy, I feel low".  I ran downstairs and got her meter and grabbed a handful of Starbursts.  The meter told us her BG level was 46.  I was just about to get in the shower and Jason said, "I've got this, she'll be fine you go shower".  When I got done in the shower I walked into my room to find a sweaty, teary eyed Bekah, lying on the bed next to her dad.  "She's feeling it now," Jason said.  I checked to see how much insulin was on board.  2U!  Crap!!  I thought I was going to faint.  We rode out the rest of the 15 min and the recheck said 136.  We went downstairs and she was HUNGRY.  She ate 4 scrambled eggs, a gogourt (no bolus), and a cheese stick or two. 

As I thought back over why this could have happened, I remembered that I weighed the fruit whole with the core and I didn't go back to weigh the part of the core that I didn't put in the salad and subtract that from the bolus amount.  I know it was my fault.  I hate seeing my baby hurting and knowing that I did that to her is not ok with me.  46s happen, I know that but, most times it is either so random I can't figure it out or she is more active than I had planned on or didn't eat all I had bolused her for and those feel like innocent mistakes.  This time it feels like laziness, a mistake that could have cost a lot more than it did. I know I can't go back, and must move forward, learning from my mistake.  Now if the guilt would just let go, maybe I could do that. 

Catching up...

I have been super busy managing sick kiddos etc and haven't taken the time to write a few things that I wanted to share with you.  They are all pretty quick so no worries about a monster long post.

First just an update from my previous post (WTFudgecycles).  I decided to give Bekah antibiotics even though her strep test came back normal and I did a temporary basal increase in 5 hr increments over the next day or so and her BG numbers have come back down in to the 100s.  (YAY!!)  Bless you all who left comments and wisdom or just love as I tried to figure out what was going on.  The lack of sleep really plays into a mama pancreas not being able to figure out what to do with HBGs. 

Next I need to thank Rachel for the love and awesome sugar bolus that she had.  We got a package in the mail and here were the contents (minus the itunes card that I gave Meg as a prize for working hard to get her liver healthy)  I kept the rest for me =)!!  Thanks Rachel, you are awesome and I love the way I smell (so does my hubby ;) )

The other day David was playing with some farm animals and a fence.  He walked over to me with it wrapped around his waist, "look Mommy, I have a pump"  It's crazy to me how "normal" this life is for him.  He doesn't bat an eye at BG checks and in fact loves to "check" just like Bekah.  He always tells me his number is 90-90.  (he is trying to say 99, when I first typed it out I left out the dash and about croaked 9090 is a number I NEVER want to see). 

 the front

the back

And lastly my family celebrated a late Christmas last weekend.  We always pick a weekend in January to celebrate as my sisters and I all have our families and our in-laws and , and that all demand our time during the holidays so we decided we want uninterrupted time together and would rather wait (plus we get to hit the after Christmas sales to shop for each other).  any way check out the shirt my sister got me (forgive the wrinkles I had to pull it out of the hamper to take the photo because I couldn't capture one online)

 

 

Have an awesome weekend!

What the Fudgecycles?

I will make this quick because my swelly brain is tired and needs to go to bed.  I'm not sure what is going on with Bekah's BG #s.  I am hoping that I will have an epiphany as I am sleeping because I took the time to type this out.  We had an amazing weekend with my sisters and their families.  Monday night after they had all left and my kiddos were tucked in and sleeping peacefully I did not bat an eye at the 256 BG reading that I got at midnight. (we celebrated a late Christmas and there was lots of yummy carb filled goodness to feast on)  I did a correction and went off to bed.  When I got up at 6 I checked the logbook to see what # Jason had gotten at 3.  (this is my usual morning routine) I was a bit perplexed to see that it was 222.  It had not gone down far from when I had given a correction at 12.  I went down to get my coffee and laid out a "daily log sheet" for Bekah to fill out (she won't let me touch it, she has to do it all) and got her vitamins out and set them next to the paper.  I didn't have my coffee in hand yet when Bekah came down and checked her BG, 356 (say what??).  I clunked a new site in her hand along with an alcohol pad faster than you can say time for a site change.  Complete site change and since ketones showed up at 0.2, I gave her an injection instead of trying to correct the HBG through the pump.  She was a little late to school as we waited for her number to come down to 300.  Her numbers continued to improve until this mama pancreas couldn't say no to that sad face that wanted "hot" lunch so badly.  That 90g carb lunch sent her BG soaring back up again but then by the time she got home form school her BG was 110.  It stayed there until bed time. 

I can't remember the number I got at midnight.  It was like 282 and I gave a correction.  At 3 my husband comes in and wakes me up.  "hey hon, what should I do with this?  I got a 456."  (WTFudgecycles)  We got her up and changed her sheets (you would probably wet the bed if your BG was that high as well) and gave her an injection.  I did another site change at 6ish. (I didn't change the insulin through) her numbers hovered in the 300s during the school day and again when she got home 96 and she stayed in the low 100s until I just checked her at 11:30 and got a 221.

I am racking my brain to figure out what is going on!!  Of all of my kids and sisters kids, 5 have had positive strep tests in the past 24 hours (my Megan and David are both in that group).  I had Bekah tested as well and hers came back negative.  The nurse explained to me that it was probably a false negative and that we should probably treat it.  I agree that something is going on in Bekah's body and I am hoping antibiotics help.  This will only be her second round of them ever. 

Could it be that her sites really are going bad (I'm thinking tunneling insulin) in less than 24 hrs?  We are barely 5 months in to pumping so if anybody has a suggestion I would love to hear it.  I keep thinking of Hallie and her princess and the week they had not long ago and Alexis and Justice and the craziness they have experienced with BG levels lately.

I am hoping for a better night...

Amazing

Have you read THIS? (it's an interview with Nat Strand) As a mom of a type one diabetic, it really spoke to me.  Yes of course I am awe inspired by Nat.  She is amazing! To be the first all woman team to win Amazing Race is inspiring in itself but to know what she had to deal with every day of this challenge and all of the supplies that she had to find room for etc. is nothing short of amazing!

The part that really got to me was here:
DM) I have to start by asking: didn’t anybody ever tell you there are things you can’t or shouldn’t do with diabetes? NS) I remember when I was diagnosed someone said, ‘You can’t be a truck driver and you can’t be a pilot.’ So that left everything else on the list of things I could do.
My parents were very good. They never told me there was anything I couldn’t do.  I still went on vacations, I still slept over at friend’s houses, I studied abroad.

Maybe it's because she is still so young and D is new to us but a sleep over is scary enough let alone studying abroad.  Abroad like in another country where I can't just go to my local pharmacy and get supplies  and drive them to where ever she is if she happens to need them.  Abroad like if she wound up in the hospital, it would take longer than a few min or hours to get to her.

After I read the interview, I did some soul searching and decided that I need to let go of some of my fears.  I don't want my fears to EVER stand in Bekah's way of being the best that she can be!  I don't want her to ever not take a challenge head on because of me and any fears that I have instilled in her.  It is difficult knowing how close we were to losing her when she was dx but, I have to trust that God is watching over my baby girl even closer than I ever could.  He loves her more than I do and always has her best interests at heart.

Bekah probably won't want to do the Amazing Race or study abroad but I won't be the one to stand in her way of reaching her dreams!  I have never told Bekah that because of D that there were things she couldn't do.  I want to be like Nat's parents though and give my little girl all that she needs to be amazing!

Recipe for a site change

Site changes look very different in each family but many of the basics are the same.  Kind of like a family recipe of your favorite cookie.  Here is our recipe for a site change:

Ingredients:
1 very precious little pumping 7 year old girl with Type One Diabetes
1 Animas Ping Insulin pump (pink of course)
1 Animas inset (pink is the color of preference)
1-2 alcohol pads
1 extra tubing
approximately 100 units of insulin (we prefer Novalog)
1 new insulin reservoir
1 One Touch test strip (if no error 5)
1 One touch meter and lancing device
1 Hershey's kiss
1 small prize

Begin by handing an alcohol wipe and new inset to precious 7 year old girl and retrieve pump from her.

 Now wipe down the insulin vial with an alcohol wipe.  You must wait until it dries to draw the insulin in to the reservoir (I have learned this the hard way and you'd think I would have gotten it the first time but I do it to myself time and time again.  If any alcohol gets into the insulin it causes the insulin to be less effective.)  Place the needle on the reservoir and draw up approximately 100 units (or at least enough needed for about 3 days).

Take off the needle and place in sharps container and attach new tubing.  Here is where the extra tubing comes in.  I have saved all of the "extra" tubing from practice sites and sites that get pulled out and don't need to use the tubing.  I keep it in a baggie.
It's new tubing and makes the site change go smoother for us.  While Bekah is pulling out the old site(using the alcohol wipe to loosen the adhesive) and inserting the new one, I can get the pump ready and primed.  Now you take out the old cartridge (rewind) and insert the new one with the tubing attached, prime the tubing and wait until 7 year old girl is ready to have the cannula primed.

              
Prime cannula and now 7 year old uses the One Touch meter, strip and lancing device to check her BG level and  to "test" the site a Hershey's kiss is given and bolused for.

Then a small prize is obtained from the prize box.  (I keep all kinds of crazy cheap little things in a box for her, squinkies, silly banz, card games, sugar free gum etc)  Today's prize was a card game.   Toss all of the garbage and take the needle out of the insertion device using needle nose pliers and place in sharps container. (Sometimes we keep the insertion device minus the needle to practice on stuffed animals etc) Two to three hours later, a recheck on the BG level is done to make sure it's good to go. 

 Ideally the old site will look a bit like this when it is removed.  A straight cannula with no blood.  (we usually have a little pink)

A happy girl showing off her prize for being super brave!

Today...

Today I had a few moments that took my breath away and I had to fight back the tears.  The first one was watching "A Bug's Life" with the kids.  If you haven't seen it, you should, great movie.  Flick is the epitome of my husband.  Misunderstood by most of the world but has the most genuine heart to want to inspire others to greatness.  I love the movie!  As we were watching, there is a point where the box that the circus bugs hang out  (it's a box of animal crackers) gets closed.  Bekah pipes up "oh look Mommy it says 12 carbs".  Most children don't even know what a carb is.  I was so proud, yet so sad that she has been forced by D to grow up so quickly.

This afternoon we went to a grand opening at an indoor baseball arena that Bekah's best friend's dad is part owner of.  Bekah had her doll complete with an insulin pump with her.  J asked to see it.  Bekah is a bit shy and doesn't readily show off anything let alone her diabetes stuff so he had never seen a pump up close and was very curious about the doll's pump.  As J was playing with the doll and pump I over heard him say "oh no it's giving her too much insulin" he proceeded to, in 7 year old boy fashion, punch the pump.  "Ok that's better, now it's just giving her 1 unit, " he said.   He was able to act out what I have wanted to do to D since the day Bekah was dx. (punch it in the face) The doll's pump was just representing the disease in this case.  He didn't say it in so many words but I think he hates D as much as I do some days.

We then had a few errands to run.  We stopped at the store where I had left Bekah's D bag in the car because I keep a glucometer and candy in my purse and we were just running in real quick to get just a couple of items.  The older kids got distracted by the airsoft guns and I had to check out the purse selection because mine is getting a bit small for all of the stuff I carry in it on a regular basis.  Bekah was pushing David in the cart and looked at me with that pale face and glassy eyes that I recognize oh so well.  "Mom, I feel low".  I quickly scrambled for the glucometer in my purse and handed it to Bekah.  I took a deep breath as she was checking and I said a silent prayer of thanks that I am able keep D stuff everywhere, 'cause you never know.  The meter beeped, 55.  I dug out the four Starbursts that I had in my purse and as I handed them over to Bekah, David chimed in "I lo, I need tandy"  Oh how quickly they learn.  Luckily I had some smarties in my purse.  He was not happy that he didn't get a square one but decided the smarties would do.  I really didn't want to deal with a toddler tantrum and a low BG right in the middle of the store.  Bekah began breathing in short deep breaths, almost a moan so I escorted her over to the display couch to sit and finish her candy.  Her symptoms were getting a little more severe.  Bekah laid back on the couch and continued to moan a bit and I just held her.  I hated D at that moment.  I let the tears stream down my face, I could not hold them back any longer.  I flashed to a few of my friends who have had to use glucogon recently and cursed my self for leaving the bag in the car. I almost started shoving more sugar in Bekah's mouth but decided to see what happened in 15 min.  This was one of the most symptomatic low BGs that she has had.  It took almost the full 15 minutes for her to perk back up and begin feeling better.  The 15 minute re-check showed a 193.  I will never get the complexities of BG levels and how they can rise and fall on a dime and sometimes are so stubborn that it takes several treatments to get barely above 80.

Tonight I did a midnight BG check and got a 315 with 0.2 ketones.  I gave a correction bolus.  I'm pretty sure the HBG is from cashews.  I don't usually bolus for them but I'm thinking I might have to start.  I came up to my computer to quickly catch up on FB and blogs before entering slumber land.  The radio in my room was playing "No Matter What" by Kerrie Roberts.  It just fit where I am at today with D.  I'm so thankful for God's grace to see me through each and everyday.  Here is a youtube version of the song with the lyrics:

alas they must grow up...

Sunday, we decided to tackle taking down the Christmas decor in preparation of the reality that was looming to hit the following morning when everyone had to go back to school etc.  After the tree came down, I decided to take on the playroom and reorganize it to fit in the new toys. As I cleaned, I weeded out some of the "baby" toys.  My heart was heavy to say good bye to these things but I knew my little guy was growing up and at 22 months prefers cars to rattles. 

As I was handling things in the playroom, my husband had decided to work on the garage.  (We have it carpeted and it acts as his office but had become a catch all during the holiday season.)  He asked me to come out and look at something that he needed to decided what to do with.  Several months ago a friend had given us a bed that his son had grown out of.  It was a very cool bed and we had decided to hang on to it until David was big enough for it.  We talked about continuing to store it, risking that it could get wrecked, giving it away (knowing that David would love to have it) or taking the crib down and putting it in the house. 

Tears began to stream down my face.  My husband was compassionate and said it could wait.  I did not want to stomp on this incredible momentum we had going and I was already facing that the baby days were gone.  So I went upstairs and began to disassemble the bedding and the crib.  As I untied the bumper and took off the sheets I felt as if my heart was being torn apart. We didn't even use it much but, David is our last baby.  Unless God intervenes in a crazy set of circumstances, David will always be the last.  The last time a first word is said, the last time first steps are taken, the last time I will snuggle a a baby and take in that sweet smell.  While the new phases are so exciting, I can't help but feel like the end of an era is inevitable.  I remember with Josh almost pushing the next phase as I was so excited for him to reach a new mile stone.  Four children later, I have found my self slowing down and enjoying the moments more.  It seems like my younger two have been in more of a hurry to grow up.  Both walking at 10 months where the other two were 13 months.  *sigh*  Before I get too sappy and emotional, I will end this post with some pictures of the nursery before and after.

 You can't see it in the picture but the lights on the bed really work.  I knew this was the best decision for David (check out his smile in the first pic of the new room) even though it left my heart aching.  Forgive the photo that is propped on the changing pad, I hadn't gotten it hung before I took the photos.

If you read my post about the "new roost"  aka the place where I get pancake ass as Reyna puts it =) that photo was taken in the same room.  (a hand me down from my in-laws and I LOVE it)

Puzzeld? 

We have a giant master bed room.  The closet and the bathroom are tiny but we have lots of floor space. 

This is taken from the doorway. (yes that is David in my bed)  That is not a giant tv next to my desk (well it is but it is a broken hand me down that will cost more to fix than buy a new one, I think it's a guy thing)

   

My crazy family

Here is a peek into my crazy family.  My husband has a web development business and he has been wanting to offer his clients video options.  For Christmas we got him some lights and a big piece of green material as a pseudo "green screen".  Last night he and my 15 year old were goofing around with it and here is what happened:  (yes, even though he would deny it, his mom taught him to dance ;) )

My new blogging roost

I inherited a desk tonight from my in-laws =)  Here is the new spot I will be blogging from.  Now you can picture me in my new "roost" when you read my blog =)