A world of our own

To those other D-moms out there:

I have a very good friend who had triplets about 6 months ago and one day recently she said to me, "you know having triplets is like being in a world of my own. I have supportive friends but nobody can really understand my life unless they have had triplets"

I feel the exact same way about D. Unless you walk and talk it every day you don't get it until you live it. I have supportive friends and family but nobody else is there when I wake at night to make sure Bekah is still breathing or holds her when she is inconsolable with a high BG level. Nobody else feels the dagger to the heart when her meter reads 345 or 398. Nobody else sees her A1C as a personal test. I do have friends and family that try to understand but just like me with the triplets I will never really know what it is like because I don't live it. I can hold them and help diaper and sooth them and even pumped my milk for them. At the end of the day though I go home and don't have to think about how many times they will feed in the night or if I have enough milk to go around.

I look at my friend in awe as she breastfeeds and cloth diapers all three babies not to mention has 6 other kids that she cares for at the same time. She does it with what I see as grace and makes it look easy. I know it can't be easy and I don't know how she does it.

One day she said the same thing to me as I was talking about trying to second guess how Bekah's body was going to react to the sun and heat on that particular day. "I don't know how you do it"

Our answers to each other are the same. Because we have to. There is no other choice. For her she doesn't feel like it's right to just pick her favorite at the moment and breast feed that one, she wants all 3 to have the benefits from breastfeeding. Cloth diapering for her is not a choice either because it's way too expensive to use disposables Xs 3. Granted breastfeeding and cloth diapering aren't a matter of life and death but she does have no other choice than to make sure they are all thriving because as their mom that is her job.

My daughter's life and quality of life as she grows older rely on me doing the best job I can at being her pancreas/nurse.

I am thankful for those of you out there that do get it. Just knowing that you are out there doing your best a being a pancreas or in some cases 3 pancreases (yes Meri I mean you =) ) is an encouragement. So here we are in a world of our own and I am glad I have you all to share it with. This is all so new for us and at times so completely overwhelming. I may not always comment but I read your blogs and laugh with you and cry with you and many times what you are dealing with is right where I am at.