Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Beyond exhausted...

I don't remember ever feeling this emotionally done. It has been an excruciating week. I don't even know where to begin. The one thing that has been ok has been D. Bekah's numbers (knock on wood) have been doing well. Waking up at 115ish and hanging out there most of the day and peaking at 160ish at 3AM. Pretty consistent. Now that I have it down on paper it is bound to change.

David has an eye infection that started in his right eye. I got him in to the doc as soon as I knew it was bad. The ointment they gave me didn't work and then both eyes got infected and goopy gross. So now he is on drops and I think the green goo will finally be gone today sometime. He has been cranky with a capital C.

Megan has done her collection for the GI doc and we are waiting for her appt in early Aug. Meanwhile I am trying to keep my thoughts inline and not go to the unthinkable unknown places.

I have an angry case of eczema that goes from my knees to my shoulders and every where in between. Although we have great insurance for the kids we have none for us. Cortisone cream is not touching it. I have been on a dairy free diet for over a year because we discovered David is allergic to cows milk even through my milk. I just added a gluten free component that doesn't seem to be doing anything for the eczema. I was hoping it was a gluten rash and I could find the cure with out a bunch of tests. I guess my next step is to call the doc and fork over the money to get it figured out. (still will most likely be cheaper than private medical insurance)

My husband gets his last teaching check next week. He is not looking for a job but instead has an idea for networking small businesses. I'm sure that God will provide but I have to be honest and say I am too tired to be as supportive as I know he needs me to be. I'm not un-supportive but my heart is not in it. I have so much else to worry about that I am just a long for the ride. My husband has a reckless faith which is admirable and many days I enjoy the adventure but right now I long for some semblance of stability. Most of our married life we have lived on daily faith and seen all but litteral manna provided for us. I have story after story of God's faithfulness just when we didn't know where else to turn.

Here is one for you. Just this week, the kids were playing outside and one of them noticed that the tags on our car were expired. My husband went and looked and sure enough they were expired but not just recent. They expired in March. Just about the time our identity was stolen and Bekah was dx with T1. It was a miracle that we hadn't been pulled over. We only had $18 in the bank so there was no way we could afford to get the tags replaced. A client that we had all but given up on (my husband has a web hosting business) called that day and asked if we would come pick up a check. It paid for the tags, gas and a little bit of food. I was never once worried because I am my Daddy God's princess and He ALWAYS takes care of me.

My teenage son has been the most exhausting. I need to respect his privacy and not go in to detail about what has been going on. I have been clinging to God for wisdom and strength through this. (as tears well up in my eyes)

Today I am beyond exhausted...


  1. Hugs to you!

    Glad D is behaving for you lately! I hope you did not jinx yourself. :)

  2. HUGS to you... I'm sorry that you are dealing with all of this (and at the same time, no less). I pray you get some much needed rest, and things start to even out soon.

    Glad the D is at least behaving.

  3. God does have a way of making things okay.

    I hope you are able to get all things figured out... your eczema, Josh and Megan's GI stuff. It always seems to pile on all at once doesn't it. That's how it is around here anyways.

    If you need to talk about anything... you can talk privately with a lot of us on FB. Take care of yourself and hang in there :)

  4. He Friend, What is it with all of us in the D community these days....we are all struggling with burnout...

    You know I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

    I understand where you are coming from. It's not just the D, it's D on top of life, which can be tough.

    I'm trusting God (or trying to) but bills are piling up, right along with Matthew's blood sugar! And it's just so much sometimes. Then I feel guilty for feeling that way...

    But we can trust God to pull us through. He's strong enough and He will do it. I'm so happy that He is making himself evident in your life.

    We need to remember, when we are at our wits end...our very lowest point when we see no answers....that's when God works best....then He gets all the glory.

    I'll say some extra big prayers for your son. Let me know if you have any specific requests.

    I love you, Friend.

  5. When it rains, it pours!

    I wish you peace and happiness. I know you will find it again.

  6. Sweet friend. I am sorry so much is on your shoulders right now. I pray that the Lord will continue to provide a way, even in times where there seems to be no way. Sending much love, and (((HUGS))) your way!