Not sure what to think...

I'm sitting here trying to make sense of somethings.  My husband is a brilliant man.  He has never taken an official Mensa test but I'm pretty sure he would qualify if he did.  He is also very funny and fun to be around.  (Not the typical nerd, he's smart but has social skills if you get my drift)  He has had many different jobs and has a great skill set.  He does have a web hosting/design business that he runs from our home.  Since the recession has hit, it has not been enough to come close to paying the bills.  He took a part time teaching job last year and then was not hired back because they didn't have the budget for part time and he didn't have the seniority to get a full time slot.  He was going to try to put on a small business trade show of sorts and two weeks before the show, the place he had acquired for the even got sold and could no longer host said event.  Last month our biggest client, who was also the church that we had been attending, decided to go another direction for their web services.  This week my husband had an interview.   It seemed as if this company was not just interested in an interview, they were pursuing my husband as they sent an email and called to make sure they had his salary requirements etc up front.  The interview went beautifully!  We were hoping that since we have been out here in the desert for so long that we were finally going to get a drink of water.  We are ok with where God has us.  We know He will provide ALL that we need.  He is so faithful and we have never missed a meal and although it has gotten very close, we have made rent every month.  It would be nice to have some wiggle room though.  Jason was so positive when he came home from the interview.  He was pretty sure that he nailed it.  The guy he interviewed with said that he was making a decision by the end of the week.  Friday came and went, no call.  Jason decided that it would be appropriate to send a follow up email to thank this company for their consideration and their time.  He got a reply Saturday afternoon, he didn't get the job.  I'm trying to keep my head held high.  I'm trying to be positive about all of this,  reminding Jason how amazing he is and this is just not what God has in the cards for us right now.  Inside though I am feeling a little disillusioned, not with my husband or God, just with the whole situation.  I know God is bigger than all of this!  He has proven to us time and time again that He will take care of us. I have so many things to be thankful for but just for this moment, I needed a place to sort this all out.  A place where I know it is safe to say this is hard and some days I don't like it very much.  A place where in the wee hours of the morning I can just cry as I "vent" and my kids won't see this.  I don't try to be fake around them but they don't need to worry about this stuff.  They know we live a humble life and that things are tight but they don't have a clue just how tight they are.  It's their job to be kids and have fun! 

I don't even know how to wrap this up, I am kind of a mess right now.  I think I will go grab my Bible and at Jesus' feet for a while.  Thanks for listening...

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