Perspective

My perspective on some things has changed drastically this week.  You may remember if you have been following my blog that back in April we gave in to our sixteen year old son's pleas for a puppy.  A beautiful Border Collie/Aussie Shepherd mix became a part of our family and Kihembah (my son named her)quickly made her way in to our hearts.  She was a high energy dog and as she grew did not tire easily making life with her challenging.  Her endless energy and smarts (Border Collies are known to be as smart as a 3-4 year old human) found her getting herself in a world of trouble.

One of my most prized possessions is a wooden horse that my grandpa made for Josh for his 2nd birthday only a few months before my grandpa passed away.  Recently Josh and Jason have been night owls and would still be up with the dog when I would go to bed.  In the morning when I got up, on several occasions I found the horse with chew marks.  I was more than a little miffed that our puppy had defaced this cherished heirloom.

I now have a different perspective on those chew marks.  You see a couple of months ago our precious pup began having cluster grand mal seizures.  She was put on meds and diagnosed with epilepsy.  We heard many hopeful stories from many people who had experienced their dog having seizures or epilepsy and had lived a long life.  Every two weeks the seizures would break through and she would have to go in and be sedated to break the cycle and then she'd come home a little listless but with in 24 hours would bounce back to her usual self.  Then three weeks went by with no seizures.  We were hopeful that we had finally gotten her medication dose down and life could go back to normal.  (a new normal of making sure she got her meds every 12 hours which made having to plan our activities around her medication schedule, being a T1 family we are used to having to plan around medical stuff)

A few days ago, Jason was just getting ready to walk out the door to go teach his class at our local community college when Josh came in and told us that Kihembah was having another seizure.  After the last time she had a seizure break through, we had gotten a prescription for a tranquilizer suppository that was supposed to help break the cycle and keep her from having to go to the vet.  One dose didn't work nor did dose two and three so they packed her up and took her to the vet while I called Jason's boss to inform him of our current circumstances.  In a 20 min period of time, Kihembah had about 8 seizures.  At the vet they hooked her up to IVs giving her a stronger dose of tranquilizer along with more anti-seizure meds.  This didn't work.  Heavily sedated, the seizures did finally stop but then each time the vet would bring her out of sedation, the seizures would start again.

We were faced with a difficult decision.  Do we keep her alive and keep her heavily sedated or do we have her put down and put her out of pain and misery?  We decided that it was time to say goodbye.  It was time to admit that we had tried our best and she was just too sick to keep her alive.

My husband did the tough deed.  He went to the vet and signed the papers.  Josh could not bare to see her again but Jason felt he owed her a proper goodbye.  Jason went in and held her head, tearfully looking her in the eyes and had a heartfelt talk with her to let her know how much we loved her and were sorry that it had to come to this.  I love him and respect him so much that he doesn't just take the easy road but will do the hard thing when it is necessary.

Those chew marks on our beloved wooden horse are now a thing of beauty.  Not only do we have this memoir of my grandpa but there is a special addition where Kihembah left her mark.  Now we get to remember two loves in our lives when we see this horse.  (Josh and my grandpa were super close so the horse will forever be his)

Josh loved his dog and it has been heartbreaking for me as a mom to know I don't have anything to take his pain away.  Its one of our jobs as mommies to make the booboos better and I can't fix this one. 

RIP Kihembah

I chose this picture becuase it shows the relationship between my son and his pup and you can see the horse in the background

The D Fairy

We D moms seem to be able to personify diabetes as if it has a personality or is watching us.  I do sometimes feel as though there is this little invisible to the human eye fairy type that is watching and taking notes to report back to diabetes. 

Last school year every time I went to Costco I would get a call or text with a BG issue.  It wasn't just Costco, haircuts, photos of David all seemed to bring about pump issues or major BG issues.  It seemed like every time I went somewhere there was diabetes trying to spoil my fun.  I even left Bekah with my mom once to got shopping down the street at Target with my sister and Bekah's site fell out (or maybe it was ripped out by the D fairy). 

This school year everything is going great.  No major issues and I feel like I have a bit more freedom.  This week our car insurance was canceled (hopefully it will be short lived).  Yesterday Bekah's BG was in the 400s at the end of the day and I was tempted to break the law and go get her.  I had the teacher do an EZBG correction in Bekah's pump and put her on the bus becuase I could take care of what I needed to at home.  Today was the other end of the spectrum with a stubborn low that kept going lower.  Bus was not a safe option.  So I broke the law (shh don't tell on me) and went to get my girl.  By the time I got there her number was back up to 120 and she was safe but the bus was gone by that time. 

Have you spotted the D fairy in your life lately?? 

One of Those Days...

Yesterday was "one of those days".  It has actually been "one of those months" around here.  October started out well.  There was promise from clients and possible new clients of plenty of work to make ends meet.  They all had stuff that came up so the work was elusive and so was the money.  We found our selves at the end of October not having paid rent and our car insurance was cancelled.  It was scary.  Josh's dog has been diagnosed with a seizure disorder and most days it is controlled with medication but she began having seizures again as all of this other stuff was culminating.  One seizure here or there is fine but cluster seizures could be her demise so we have to get them treated by the vet immediately.  Megan also asked me to check her hair becuase it had been itching.  Sure enough there were nits.  (I loathe lice, those pesky little bugs bring me to my knees and make me feel so dirty and gross)

All we could do is deal with each crisis one at a time.  We used the lice shampoo to kill the bugs and then dried her hair and used the lice gel to loosen the nits and combed through her hair with the metal fine tooth comb.  We topped off the treatment by dying Megan's hair to create a hostile environment for the bugs so they would decide not to raise their babies in my baby's beautiful locks.  I then cleaned like a crazed animal and put all of the stuffed animals in plastic bags so they could hibernate for a few weeks.  Bedding will be placed in the hot dryer daily for at least 10 days.  Luckily Megan was the only one who had head lice and hopefully they learned that they made their nest in the wrong house.  This mama shut down their party and hopefully they will not coming knocking again!

Jason and Josh took care of his dog and got her to the vet where they gave her an IV and extra meds to stop the cluster.  She is now doing fine and her daily meds have been changed to meet her needs better or so we hope.

We were able to get loans from friends and family and a grant from the school district for our October rent.  Jason has lots of job opportunities now and might even end up in a career change (we will see how things play out).

I have been so meticulous with Bekah's  care, logging and weighing etc.  We had a couple of high A1Cs (8.2% and 8.0%) and since then I  have been keeping very close track and making adjustments as soon as I see something out of whack.  Bekah's numbers have been amazing!  Her 7 day average was 147 with very few lows.  It was a season when all was right with the world in the D category at least.  I was happy that in all of the other stress I wasn't having to worry too much about D.

Well I think D was feeling a bit left out and needed some attention in the midst of our other crisis.  No car insurance so I am trying not to drive but yes I will break the law to take care of my girl if necessary.   At the end of the day I get a call from Bekah's teacher telling me the last check was 447.  I decided that they should do an EZBG correction and put her on the bus becuase by the time I could get there, it would be time to go home anyway.

Once home we check for ketones and do another BG check.  400 with no ketones.  I decided to changer her site becuase I couldn't think of any other reason that her number would be that high.  Bekah is amazing.  She usually pops those sites in like nothing.  Every once in a while I will hear a little "ouch".  This time we had tears and blood, lots of blood =(.  It took a while for her to work up the guts to put another site in.  She was adamant that she would do it herself.  This time it was good.  It took most of the evening but her number finally went down and she went to bed at 161. (of course we have an endo appt in a week so hopefully the hard work I have been doing was not just dumped down the drain with our high day)

In the end it's all going to work out but I think I have a few more grey hairs than I did a week ago. 

My first encounter

David is (do I dare even type it) almost completely potty trained.  He went on a poop strike (10 days) so I put him back in diapers and decided he won and was not ready.  Two weeks ago he randomly started taking his diaper off and going in the potty all on his own.  Although I am not ready for my little one to grow up, I am so ready to be done with diapers, forever (or until Jason or I need them again in our very, very old age). 


A couple of nights ago David had just done his business when he called for me "Hey mom come look at this MONSTER poop!"  He admires his creations (GI docs would be proud).  I applauded the work he had done and went to wipe him.  (it wasn't big, just a lot and it looked pretty soft) As I threw the toilet paper in the toilet and began to flush simultaneously, he yelled "no not yet!"  It was too late his glorious monster began to swirl down the drain.  He was so angry at me, his face turned red and he screamed and screamed.  His head spun around three times and snakes began shooting out of his eyes (ok that might be a bit dramatic but I seriously began to wonder if an exorcism was in order).   

He was still sitting on the throne at this point so I went in and ever so gently wiped him clean so we could move the tantrum to a safer location.  I looked in the toilet and saw blood on the paper.  I felt my knees getting a bit weak.  I wiped again, more blood.  I coaxed him off of the toilet and had him bend over and then I saw it.  Part of him was hanging out.  It looked like a giant grape was trying to escape from his colon.  I kind of freaked.  You nurses are probably laughing at me.  I had no idea what a hemorrhoid looked like.  Luckily it went back inside before I could rush him to the ER.  I did go visit his pediatrician today to make sure all was well.  She didn't laugh but wasn't very concerned either.  If it happens again or his poop gets firm or big then she'll prescribe something but for now he just got so upset he had a hemorrhoid.  

I hope I never see another one and thought my first encounter with one would be on myself not my innocent two year old.  He didn't complain about it hurting and hasn't complained since but I did learn my lesson to let the boy flush his own poop.  (I hope you are not too grossed out and are laughing with me on this one, I had to post it for memory sake) 

Dogs

Two and a half years ago, our beautiful 10 yr old husky began having seizures.  We took her to the vet and they gave us meds for her but unfortunately they did not work.  It was a quick demise as the seizures got closer and closer together and a little part of her was gone with each one.  We had her euthanized on February 10, 2009.  She was such a part of the family and we grieved a big loss.  God is good and decided to bring us joy in the midst of our grief and David arrived 3 weeks early on February 13, 2009 just three day later.

Fast forward to now.  We have 2 new puppies living in our home, an 8 month old border collie/Australian shepherd mix that belongs to my son Josh and a 5 month old black lab that we are training to be a diabetic alert dog for Bekah.  2 nights ago at about 3 AM,  Josh came running into my room in a panic saying his dog was having a seizure.  It was a long day Saturday as poor Kihembah had 6 more seizures inside of 18 hours.  We took her to the vet after the second one where they did blood and bile testing and sent her home.  After 3 more seizures much closer together, Jason and Josh took her to the animal hospital.

My heart is aching as this experience is so reminiscent of when we lost our beloved Dakota and I feel so helpless.  This is one of those things that I can not protect my son from.  His poor little heart is breaking for his puppy. 

The boys came home at about midnight last night and had decided to let the vet try giving her meds and observing her all night.  If this doesn't work we can't afford to do more for her.  We couldn't even afford to do that much but we have generous family that loaned us the money.  The vet called this morning and said that Kihembah has not had a seizure in 12 hours and she is responding well to the medication.  Thankfully anti-seizure meds for a dog are pretty cheap because she will have to be on them for the rest of her life. 

In the midst of all of this stress, Sarah (Bekah's dog) has been my therapy.  Most people think of labs as large dogs and for the most part they are.  The breeder we went through breeds for scent recognition and size is not his goal.  He is meticulous about his breeding protocol and for one reason or another many of his labs have ended up on the small end (50-60lbs full grown).  Sarah was the runt of her litter and is still pretty small (24 lbs at 5 months old).  She fits on one side of my lap so I can hold a child and the dog at the same time.  We have been sitting and rocking and just petting our sweet dog.  When Josh came home from the animal hospital he got Sarah and held her and played with her for a bit.  I love that our sweet little mini-lab is helping all of us through this.  She has a duel purpose indeed =)

This is the most recent photo I have of both of the puppies.  They are resting nicely in their crates.  Kihembeah is about 36 lbs so you can see that Sarah on the right is a petite little girl.  (We love her that way, she has a big spirit and Bekah can pick her up plus she can share my lap with the kids) (the mess in the background is David in a box fort sleeping as well)

a moment of peace

These three (8 month old Kihembah, 5 month old Sarah and 2 yr old David) are all constantly vying for my time and attention.  Here they are pictured all sleeping in their own little "forts" (check out David behind the puppy crates)  I was putting away groceries from Costco and David decided the boxes would make a great fort.  At one point I looked around and said "David, where are you?"  I did not see his little shoe poking out of the fort.  A little voiced piped up "Nowhere".  I love that kid!  When I was done putting everything away I peeked inside and he was out like a light =)  Last night he was playing with a stick horse and Jason said "I think maybe you need to put your stick away, you are getting a bit crazy with it"  David replied matter-of-factly "Daddy, it is NOT a stick, it's a HORSE".  (there is actually a stuffed horse head on the end so he has a point)  Yes, my life is a bit crazy, but its my life and I love it!!  =) 

A brief moment...

I can hardly believe that I have found a brief moment to sit and purge a bit of the excess filling up my swelly brain.  Life has been a whirlwind and at times a virtual tornado as I rip from one activity to the next trying as I might to keep up with my four active children who vary drastically in ages and stages of life.  Add to that two rambunctious puppies and you might be able to understand why this break to sit in front of my screen and type to my hearts' content is a rare indulgence these days. 

I miss my readers and your beautiful encouraging comments and I miss reading blogs and encouraging others.  As for this season I hope you all can have grace and understand that you are not far from my thoughts and when I find the time I do pour over your blogs and love reading your thoughts. 

Bekah started second grade just a few weeks ago.  I am happy to say as I sat in that meeting this year before the first day of school with the teacher, nurse and principal that a tear or two might have run amuck down my cheeks but I did not sit and sob through the whole thing.  I handled it in a cheery tone and I think it went well.

The school year has been going well.  I have continued the communication sheets that I got from Reyna and they work awesome!  Last year Bekah's teach was well versed on Diabetes care and how to creatively manage blood glucose levels.  This year's teacher is a quick study who thinks on her feet and is a great communicator.  Bekah and Mrs. B make a great team and I am happy to say that I have not felt anxious to run errands this year nor have I had to be at the school other than the first few days.  (I like to be there doing copying etc for the teacher just to make sure that she gets it and that Bekah will speak up when she needs something ie. feels low)

I have had many inquiries about the dog.  Our Sarah came from Warren Retrievers in Virginia and has an amazing temperament.  She loves riding in the car.  When Bekah gets out at school (Sarah nor Bekah are ready for the responsibility of having her at school) Sarah barks and then once the door closes she whines until we leave the parking lot and then is quiet the rest of the ride home.  Sarah is a typical puppy and has challenges like yesterday when I found her on top of the table eating David's lunch.  On top of scent training (that part almost comes naturally to her) we are service training Sarah.  It is quite a challenge to take a strong willed, loud, creative toddler in public especially when I have the puppy with me.  We do have a trainer that is amazing at what she does  that comes out quarterly to work with us and Sarah.

Just a note about Sarah's alerting.  She licks Bekah's face mostly to alert us to low and high BG levels.  If she is in her crate Sarah will bark a high pitched ear piercing bark.  Sarah has alerted to my mom who is a T2,  a friend's son who came by to pick up some Lantus we didn't need, a man we came across at a car show who wanted to say hello to our puppy and me yes your read that right me.  I am pre-diabetic (self diagnosed since we have no insurance for my husband and my self) I had GD, my mom is a T2, I am over weight and my fasting BGs are 105 on average.  We had eaten dinner out and I had eaten a high carb meal (a rare thing for me).  Sarah barked her alert bark at me as she stared me down then I took her out of her crate and she licked my face (she never licks me).  I checked and sure enough my BG was 167 more than an hour  postprandial.  I'll be taking it easy on the bread sticks from now on. 

Our puppy has proven to be a blessing in so many ways.  She fits our family well and brings us lots of joy.  We still have quite a ways to go to get her paid off.  The whole process has been quite amazing.  It has taught me a lot about myself. 


David is awake now and wreaking havoc so I must bring this post to and end.  Hopefully I will be able to update again soon.   Much love,