3 years ago today I didn't have a clue at how much this day would impact my entire family. This year diabetes has taken a back seat as I have worked though some pretty severe depression with my older two kids. While diabetes is not the cause of anxiety and depression in my older children, diabetes has had its contribution.
I have sat through conversations and counseling sessions where this day, 3 years ago, has been relived and rehashed. Feelings of abandonment and insignificance were stirred up in my children 3 years ago when we left them to care for their sister in the hospital. Yes there were those that came to take care of them. They did the best they could but did not allow my kids to cope they way they needed to.
Both of my older two children have stated that our family changed on that day 3 years ago and we will never be the same. I would like to think that part of us changed for the better.
The first year after Bekah's diagnosis I poured myself in to research and advocacy. I blogged regularly and we had our own walk team. I wanted to know every thing I could about this new beast we had to fight everyday. I needed to know how to keep my little girl as healthy and happy as possible in spite of the illness that threatened to take her life on March 8, 2010.
I never meant to make my "healthy" kids take a backseat. I never meant for them to feel insignificant. It happened and we are working through it. I am only one mama who is doing the best I can. Allowing diabetes to take a back seat this past few months has taken its toll as well. Bekah's last A1C was the highest ever since dx.
Life is a balancing act and we have to do the best we can to be present every moment. We are all going to make mistakes in this life and hopefully we have grace for those around us as they do the best they can to balance what life throws at them.
I am so proud of my brave girl. 3 years in and she is a pro at carb counting and working her pump. She has been doing her own insets since just a few weeks after she started pumping. She is one of the most responsible kids that I have ever met.
This year we will celebrate our brave girl low key. We will have a special treat of some sort (probably pie, the girl is obsessed with pie) to celebrate. As we do every year, we will donate a few stuffed animals to our local pediatric ER dept at the hospital where she was dx. We will even make a donation to help people living in 3rd world countries be able to have access to insulin.
3 days from now we will be celebrating my first born turning 18 and that won't be such a low key celebration. I can't take back the feelings of insignificance that he has had these past 3 years but I can celebrate him on this day and I will do just that.
Happy Dia-versary sweet Bekah! You make me more proud with each passing day!
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We can only do our best with what we have to work with. It breaks my heart that diabetes takes such a toll on the entire family... makes me angry that we have to deal with the beast at all. I worry about Leighanna all the time. My strength and energy is so focused on Justin that there is not a whole lot left some days.
ReplyDeleteWe have chosen since day one NOT to celebrate the d-aversary... It was just 2 days before Leighanna's b-day and she gives up enough already. That may not be the right answer, but it's the best I could do for now.
Much love and strength to you and your family.
With another perspective though, as a wife of a t1d, I still hear from my sister-in-law about how it impacted her - but what I see is that she has been able to use her brother's diabetes for over 20 years to get whatever she wants. I am by no means saying your kids are doing this with you, but from what I have seen with her is she figured out that it was a tool to quickly get more than just her needs met. She now is very unloving (maybe careless) about the fact that our youngest has type 1...so, what I want us all (including me) to be weary of is allowing anybody to use t1d as an excuse for behavior. As an explanation of feelings makes sense, but I don't think anybody is forced to behave one way due to another's predicament. Anyhoo....you are doing well. Your daughter is thriving and your whole family is developing and growing together. Keep up the hard work ;)
ReplyDeleteSarah your perspective is interesting, thank-you for sharing it with me. I appreciate hearing about other families and how T1D impacted them esp many years down the road.
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