My sweet Megan has never fit in to a "mold". She has always marched to the beat of her own drummer. I don't think she has ever worn a matching pair of socks in her life. When she was little she could be found sporting plaid and stripes and probably even polka dots in the same outfit. She has her own style and her own way of doing things. Her way can be seen as dramatic and loud. She is probably the most creative, out of the box thinker I know.
Sometimes as a mother I have cringed and passed judgment myself. I personally don't like to stand out and am overly conscious of what other people think. This way of thinking has not helped my daughter it has only caused harm.
Megan has been labeled and judged all of her life becuase she is different. While she prides her self in not being like everyone else, these judgements have hurt. They have taken their toll and she is now at a place where if she can't be herself with out judgment then she would rather not be here. She feels like an outcast and like the world would be better off with out her. If you know me you know that I am not as hard on her as this post may portray. (I am in that part of the process where I am looking at what I wish I could change and striving to do better.)
I can't tell you as a mother who fiercely loves her children what this does to my heart. I have no words. I can't go backwards. I love my daughter and her uniqueness! I hate that I have failed to see how deeply the judgment of others (and my own) has effected her. I wish I would have embraced and celebrated her uniqueness more. I am so glad that I still have time to do that.
Megan is back in the hospital. I would love to dump and purge the details but I need to respect her privacy at least a little. She is not happy with me for sharing any of it on FB. I just asked for prayer and that is what I need. I need prayer to get through this. I am hanging on to the hem of Jesus's robe as tight as I can. He is the Way the Truth and the Life and it is only through His strength that I can take the next breath.
I am writing this post to help us (I am included in this) understand how much judgement hurts. We are all created uniquely and its our uniqueness that makes the world a beautiful place. I saw a quote from John Denver today that puts it so well. "I believe that we are here for each other not against each other. Everything comes from the understanding that you are a gift in my life, whomever you are and no matter what our differences" I try to treat each person that I come in contact with as if I have something to learn from them. I have learned so much from so many people and am always excited to learn more. You never know exactly why God has placed a person in your path. Please keep an open mind and open heart especially to those you might be quick to judge becuase they are a human being with a human heart striving to do the best they can. You never know how much they might bless your life with their differences and what you might learn if you just give them a chance.
This is a picture of Megan at Union gospel Mission whom she, on her own, at the age of 12 raised money to help support.
this was beautiful and a good reminder that fitting into a mold is not necessarily the best way. YOU are an amazing mom who is brave enough to learn from your children and you will be a better person, mother and friend due to this. THIS is horrific that your family is going through this and I will pray for peace for her so she can heal. I am also praying for you that you will find peace during this. As a mother we can find fault in everything we do and want to redo all of our decisions. Please know you are amazing!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could just hug her!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could talk to her. I know what this is like, and I have gone through a similar road. Let her know that she is worth everything. <3
As someone who has never fit into any mold, I would just encourage her to keep on being who she is, ignore the ones who don't get just how wonderful she is, and realize that it does get better. It's the ones who march to their own beat that make this world a way more fun and interesting place to live.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted you to know that I'm keeping you all in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI see a lot of Matthew in Megan. He is his own person--always has been--and at times I've really struggled with various things. I have to keep reminding myself that God knew what he was doing when he gave me this child.
You are a wonderful mother, with a heart that loves the Lord. God is going to get you through this. And remember! If you let go, it's okay. HE is holding on and He'll never let go.
Praying for your little girl... preteens and teens can turn on each other and pick each other to pieces at the drop of a hat over anything. It's sickening children are allowed to exclude and pick on other children at school. Your daughter joins a long list of children driven to severe depression because of bullying or exclusion by their peers. This has got to stop. I would look into changing schools or even home schooling, and being very careful about what peers she is exposed to. Sometimes you have to go to extremes to protect your child. Her depression is a normal reaction under the circumstances; I am glad she is getting the help she needs to get through it. But the outside circumstances also have to change, and that is a lot harder to control. She sounds like she will grow up to be an artist or musician, a writer, something creative. And these are the more sensitive children. She will overcome this.
ReplyDelete