A Time for Everything1 For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
2 A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
6 A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.
The past year has brought about many emotions, one of them being grief. Some days I let the waves wash over me and the tears flow and some days I push it away not wanting to "go there". This past week has been difficult as I look back and recall watching my daughter get sick. It was about this time last year that my mommy alarm began to ring. "she is getting so skinny"..."and seems to be really thirsty"...I pushed it away with various different justifications. I try not to beat myself up and am working still on releasing the guilt. How does a mother with so much love in her heart for her children, let her little girl get so sick? I had no clue what was ravaging her body but by the time I took her to the doctor, she was so sick she had to be in ICU. How did I let that happen? Guilt is any ugly thing and I don't let it eat away at me but this week I realized that I have not properly dealt with it as I begin to recall where are lives were at a year ago and I see my daughter and I wonder how I missed so much? This past week has also been hard in learning about so many losses in the T1 community. I was bumping along almost feeling like I was getting a handle on things, when I heard of not one or two but seven separate losses all being whisked away from this earth from complications of the same disease that landed my daughter in ICU almost a year ago. Yesterday was the anniversary of a huge loss in the T1 community and it is a difficult thing to think about. A mother is not supposed to have to think about the reality that her daughter could be 24 hours away from deaths door at all times. I do feel God's grace and am so very grateful that He chose to spare her life. March 8th will be a day of celebrating! Celebrating Bekah's life and that God gave us a second chance and not that we have to but get to measure her food and calculate insulin to carb ratios and basal rates etc. I have big plans for that day, even a giveaway on my blog so stay tuned but, for today I need that time to grieve.