IMATS LA 2012

My husband recently got a job with a company that produces a magazine and holds trade shows.  His job is as the IT director.  The magazine is Make-Up Artist Magazine and the trade show called IMATS .  In June was the second trade show during his time working there and the kids were just getting out of school.  They did have to miss the last couple of days of school to be able to join Jason but it was so worth it.  Jason's boss gave him cash instead of paying for an airline ticket that we used for gas money and he paid for a hotel room for our whole family.  Our teens volunteered to help out at the show.

We hit the road, packing 6 people and one dog in our SUV and luggage along with somethings needed for the show in a Uhaul and traveled down the I-5 corridor to the LA area.  We had not even gotten 5 miles when the air-conditioner on our car decided to quit working.  It was quite miserable as we hit central CA in the 100s with no a/c.

1100 miles after our departure, felt a little like something out of Chevy Chase's "Vacation" as we pulled in to the hotel.  Hot, sweaty, cranky kids and dog with parents who had a great wind blown look going and a Uhaul closing the rear.  The hotel it self was amazing.  My husband's boss definitely treats his employees well.  We had a fruit and cookie basket waiting for us when we go to the room.  I felt so spoiled!

At the trade show each of the kids had a unique experience:

 Megan got to meet Ve Neil who was the lead make-up artist for The Hunger Games (Meg's favorite movie)

Bekah got a little glitter done by the Eye Kandy people

Josh got to be a model in one of the classes taught by some famous make up artists that did work on Pirates of the Caribbean

David got to have a tiger face done by a make up artist

We got to meet the winner of Face Off (a reality tv show), Rayce.

Here is David's progress.  you can tell he is really in to the make-up thing.  Actually to be honest every morning he has to have make-up on when I put my make-up on.  On no make up days he sadly will say to me "we didn't do make-up today".

There was a make-up museum that was there with some amazing wax models and masks.  Some of Rick Baker's aliens from Men In Black 3 were on display along with a lot of other talent displayed.

I didn't get a good photo but at each trade show is a student competition where students in the industry are chosen to compete to show off their skills in their craft.   

It was really cool to watch my hubby in his element as he made all of the technology for the show work.  I loved getting to know Jason's boss and family better during this trip.  They have become fast friends of ours.  We adore them and are so thankful to have them  in our lives.

Camp 2012

I dropped my girl off this afternoon at D camp.  This evening feels so anti-climatic that I need to do something with my pent up energy.  Maybe this is a good time to spend catching you all up on our summer.  Maybe I will have time to write a few posts to catch up and hope this time of purging all that is pent up in my head will be a bit cathartic.  For now I will share some photos of my sweet girl and her buddies at camp. 

How stinking cute are they?!  We carpooled over with some awesome diabuddies.  They look so incredibly happy, how could I be sad about leaving her.

Here is Bekah on her bunk all set up

The girls were swimming as we moms left.  I think they are having fun :)

Best camp ever!  They take such good care of the kids, so patient and kind and do such a great job with D management.  I know I will have some tough moments this week while my girl is away but I plan to make the best of it. 

I did leave Bekah with a bad site that we changed there at camp (BG 138 for breakfast and 176 for lunch then 330 at camp with a little blood showing through her site) The doc had us do a small correction and sent her on her way.  My mommy heart keeps thinking about that and wondering if her number came down, did she wind up with ketones?  Is she ok?  ((Deep breath))  They know how to take care of my girl even better or at least as good as I do, medically anyway.  She will be fine.  Yes she will be fine. 

Judgement

I think it is easy for us as humans to pass judgement on others.  We want to be right, we want to be better.  In some cases our way of doing things seems to be the only way that makes sense to us.  We don't take time to hear the other person's perspective often enough. 

My sweet Megan has never fit in to a "mold".  She has always marched to the beat of her own drummer.  I don't think she has ever worn a matching pair of socks in her life.  When she was little she could be found sporting plaid and stripes and probably even polka dots in the same outfit.  She has her own style and her own way of doing things.  Her way can be seen as dramatic and loud.  She is probably the most creative, out of the box thinker I know. 

 Sometimes as a mother I have cringed and passed judgment myself.   I personally don't like to stand out and am overly conscious of what other people think.  This way of thinking has not helped my daughter it has only caused harm. 

Megan has been labeled and judged all of her life becuase she is different.  While she prides her self  in not being like everyone else, these judgements have hurt.  They have taken their toll and she is now at a place where if she can't be herself with out judgment then she would rather not be here.  She feels like an outcast and like the world would be better off with out her.  If you know me you know that I am not as hard on her as this post may portray.  (I am in that part of the process where I am looking at what I wish I could change and striving to do better.)

I can't tell you as a mother who fiercely loves her children what this does to my heart.  I have no words.  I can't go backwards.  I love my daughter and her uniqueness!  I hate that I have failed to see how deeply the judgment of others (and my own) has effected her.  I wish I would have embraced and celebrated her uniqueness more.  I am so glad that I still have time to do that. 

Megan is back in the hospital.  I would love to dump and purge the details but I need to respect her privacy at least a little.  She is not happy with me for sharing any of it on FB.  I just asked for prayer and that is what I need.  I need prayer to get through this.  I am hanging on to the hem of Jesus's robe as tight as I can.  He is the Way the Truth and the Life and it is only through His strength that I can take the next breath. 

I am writing this post to help us (I am  included in this) understand how much judgement hurts.  We are all created uniquely and its our uniqueness that makes the world a beautiful place.  I saw a quote from John Denver today that puts it so well.  "I believe that we are here for each other not against each other.  Everything comes from the understanding that you are a gift in my life, whomever you are and no matter what our differences"  I try to treat each person that I come in contact with as if I have something to learn from them.  I have learned so much from so many people and am always excited to learn more.  You never know exactly why God has placed a person in your path.  Please keep an open mind and open heart especially to those you might be quick to judge becuase they are a human being with a human heart striving to do the best they can.  You never know how much they might bless your life with their differences and what you might learn if you just give them a chance. 

This is a picture of Megan at Union gospel Mission whom she, on her own, at the age of 12 raised money to help support. 

Future CDE...

This is my beautiful daughter, Megan.  This is the child that I caught ready to jump from her two story window becuase life was just too much for her in that moment.  You can't help but love her when you get to know her.  She is funny and fun, loving, caring and compassionate. 

Megan has been accepted to the medical arts program at one of our local high schools and will begin that program in the fall.  Her compassion for her sister has led her to want to be a CDE (Certified Diabetes Educator)  This job requires her to become an RN or registered dietitian before she can get the CDE certification, she has chosen the RN rout.

As she was laying in the hospital bed knowing we were just about to head to the pediatric psych ward she was concerned that being admitted to a psych ward would inhibit her ability to become a CDE.  That was what she was most concerned about, not being able to help other people becuase she was hurting so badly.  Can I just say that I love her heart so much!

I actually think she will be a better CDE because of her experience in the psych ward.  She gained tools that she will be able to pass along to others.  PWD and we caregivers of CWD know that a T1D dx can send you spiraling down to the depth of depression.  There are times when this disease becomes too much.  Megan will be able to help those in that place because of where she has been.

One of the coolest parts of Megan being where she was is that her attending psychiatrist is a PWD (T1) and after we would have our discussions about Megan we would talk about our diabetic alert dog and insulin pumps etc.  Bekah was not allowed on the unit but he met her in the other part of the hospital and thought she was the cutest thing ever, he loved her pump pouch (too sweet boutique) We had a connection that went beyond him caring for one of my children, and it took the edge off of the trauma that we were experiencing. 

Our insurance company is trying to deny the claim of Megan being admitted to the hospital.  I am so thankful that I have had to put that mama bear hat on to fight for stuff for Bekah.  Diabetes has helped me get through this whole experience with Megan so much better than I ever would have had I not been through what I have been through in that last couple of years.  I can't believe I actually said this but I did and I quote.  My method of attack is to first go in and kill them with kindness and then if they push back too hard I won't stop until I have their balls on a platter.  (yeah that was not me two years ago, I would have probably just curled up in a ball and cried) 

Thank you for the nice comments on my last post.  We would love to have your good thoughts and prayers and we step out in to another "new normal".

Sometimes life gets messy...

I have had bits and pieces of this post swirling around in my head for quite sometime.  You may have noticed my absence from blogging in the past several months.  For lack of a better way to put it, life has gotten a bit messy at our house.  I have had a need to focus on my family and as little as possible be wrapped up in writing and reading blogs.  Each of you is still important to me, I do check in when I can and am keeping many of you in my prayers.

A new illness reared it's ugly head in our home.  It's called depression.  It's a real disease and just like T1D, it effects the whole family.  This post is a bit tricky becuase its not completely my story to share and I need to respect my children's privacy while at the same time I take the bull by the horns just as I have T1D and advocate and educate. 

Both of my teenagers have a form of depression.  Both of my teenagers have been seen in the ER for their depression.  Both of my teenagers have weekly counseling sessions.  Just like activity or mac-n-cheese effects every T1D differently, depression is different for every person.  Also like T1D for no rhyme or reason a bad day can hit and send one spiraling down out of the blue.  One of my children is currently in the pediatric psych ward of the hospital. She is getting the help she needs to not just survive but to hopefully thrive!

I have this urge to go through the pediatric psych ward, which is very plain and almost dingy, and paint "YOU MATTER"  in big bright letters on every wall in every patient room.  Please do me a favor, if you know someone who is down or maybe suffering from depression make sure they know they matter.

I feel like it is important to both educate and advocate for my kids (and others who suffer) becuase mental illness can be so misunderstood.  Mental illness is looked upon as a bit taboo.  As a parent it is difficult to press pass the judgments or the assumed judgements that I did something wrong.  That I am a bad mom becuase my kids are not happy and thriving.  This is where T1D is helping me becuase I know that I did nothing to cause Bekah's T1D and I (still having to convince myself at times) know I did nothing to cause my children's depression. 

I don't have statistics in front of me but we all know that suicide rates are growing especially in our teens.  We as parents have to realize that depression, anxiety etc are a growing epidemic and we can't just tell our kids to snap out of it.  If only it were that easy.  To us they may seem dramatic or needy but in reality they are suffering and many times in silence.  Just like when you have a bad cold you go see a doctor, it is ok to see a counselor, therapist or psychiatrist if you are feeling depressed.  If you have a learning disability, you are not dumb and if you have a mental illness you are not crazy.  I'm not sure where the idea came in that we are less than if we need help. 

Here is another T1D analogy.  Low blood sugar can be lethal and is one of those things that when gets to a point a person doesn't know how to fix on their own becuase the brain runs on glucose.  Depression can be the same.  I don't know the science behind it but there comes a point with depression where you no longer know how to find your way out and if left unattended can spiral down to lethal levels. 

I used to tell people that were going through a tough time that "God will never give you more than you can handle" and I well meaningly thought those words brought comfort.  As life has unraveled and we have had some tough times, I have to say that saying is BS.  The truth is that no matter what gets thrown your way, God will NEVER  LEAVE YOU.  He will never forsake you.  He walks through the mess with you.  If you chose to free fall in to His arms, He will catch you...every single time.  He loves my kids more than I do and He has a purpose and plan for their lives. 

Have you met my kids?  They are AMAZING!!  They love and serve others with passion.  Both of my teeneagers with out the other knowing it and at separate times said they wanted more than anything to take their diabetic sister to a concert (Josh wanted to take Bekah to Taylor Swift and Megan wanted to take her to Justin Beiber) and they were willing to sacrifice a birthday gift and party for themselves to be able to do this for their sister.  Unfortunately in both cases the tickets sold out before we had the money. 

It would be easy to sweep this mess under the carpet and not share.  It would be easy to put a smile on my face and make you think that we are one big happy family.  Fake it 'till you make it right?  I am not judging but too many people do that. I am guilty of it myself.  We don't want people to see our mess because they might judge or think they are better than us because our mess is ugly.  I think we as human beings have so much to learn from each other and some of it has to do with watching others walk through the mess.  I will try not to sugar coat it and I don't know how often I will blog about it becuase there is life to be lived but you are welcome to watch how we walk this out.  We are not going to do this perfectly but God will be glorified and we will praise Him in the mess!

 

2 years...

I can't not believe that it has been 2 years since I looked on my frail baby girl and heard the doctor say words like severe ketoacidosis and diabetes.  2 years ago I was naive.  Today I know things I never would with out that day.  I know that I am much stronger than I ever knew I could be, I know how to rely on God's strength in ways I never thought possible.  Thanks to diabetes I have become a more compassionate person and have grown a backbone as well.  I have experienced righteous anger like never before and know the joy of seeing euglycemic numbers appear on the screen of a glucometer.  I have mad pancreatic skills that I am proud of thanks to diabetes.  I have met so many people along the way that have blessed this journey!

Today we celebrated Bekah and her bravery.  Today was much different than a year ago.  This year I have learned how to put diabetes more in the background.  This year I have discovered that this life is not just hard on me and Bekah but the rest of my family (especially my teenagers).  This year we celebrated a lot more low key.

I wore blue.

I wrote a note to our local radio station and asked that they dedicate a song to Bekah.  I didn't specify what song just told them her story and to let God guide their choice.  I wish I had an audio clip from the show but this is the song choice:


We took flowers to Bekah's teacher and principal to thank them for the amazing care they give Bekah on a doily basis.  Bekah got a matching bouquet as a gift from me.

Bekah's school will collect new stuffed animals this month in her honor to be donated to our local Pediatric ER.  We bought some animals to take to the drive.

My favorite part was finding out that one of Bekah's camp buddies has the same dx day (only she is 5 years ahead of Bekah and celebrated 7 yrs with the big D today).  We met her family at Starbucks and had cake pops and fun drinks.

For dinner I let Bekah pick.  Her favorite meal is mac-n-cheese from the deli and fruit.  We washed it down with milk and peanut butter cups.  Yummy!

That was our day.  Simple.  Easy.

Amazing puppy!

Today I get to brag on my amazing puppy!  This past weekend when my friend, Dee the dog trainer, was here we taught Sarah a specific alert.  She gives us a paw when she smells a fluctuating blood glucose level.  It's amazing to watch.  She has been consistent and correct.  Blows my mind and even being such an integral part of her training I can't explain how it works except to say that my dog is brilliant!

One of the things we did while Dee was here was take Sarah to an ADA expo.  We weren't sure if it would be too much for her, she amazed us and did excellent.  We had a booth set up to advertise and spread awareness for Guardian angel Service Dogs.  Sarah would lay in a perfect down stay by my feet until she smelled something odd  ( a high or low BG) then she would paw with one paw, then two paws, then she would put her paws on my shoulders at which point I would ask if the person I was talking to thought they might be high or low.  One lady told me she is always in the three hundreds, another said they just treated a low, a couple of people were wearing CGMs that indicated either and up or down arrow.  One lady was so fascinated that she got out her meter and checked her BG and got a 223.  Good puppy!!

Even seeing her amazing skills at work there is a part of me that is still skeptical from time to time.  Yesterday upon waking and being let out of her crate, Sarah immediately pawed me.  She just wants a treat I thought.  I praised her and had Bekah check her BG number.  188  Sarah then got a treat, good puppy!  This morning I expected the same behavior of an immediate paw from Sarah upon waking.  No paw alert came.  Bekah's BG was 142.

This morning was a little more hectic than most at my house.  My oldest son has a terrible sore throat causing him to double over each time he swallows (no drama there).  My husband has a horrid case of veritgo.  I had to cancel an appointment for Josh then schedule and appointment for a throat swab.  I was on the phone with the pharmacy to see how much meclizine is safe for someone of Jason's weight to take in a 24 hour period (the meclizine doesn't do much for him though).  Amid all of this I was also getting breakfast for the kids and getting Bekah's morning stuff taken care of (daily BG log filled out for her teacher, making her lunch etc) Oh yeah and Bekah's pump was almost out of insulin.  She does do her own set changes but has to be mentally prepared for them.  Since her BG was at 142 I decided to fill the pump and change the set after school.  (Don't follow my example this is not really a good idea but it was what had to be done today.)

I gave Bekah her breakfast bolus and went about my activities.  Sarah was in a down stay waiting for her breakfast.  Bekah said "Mom every time I walk by Sarah she paws me".  I thought and said "well you just ate, you must be going high"  It was at that moment that Bekah realized she didn't eat her breakfast.  (she is not much of a breakfast kid and although probably not the best option not the worst either, she eats 10 organic animal crackers every morning for breakfast and she gets them herself)  If Sarah had not alerted Bekah would have forgotten to eat and could have had a devastating low blood glucose level at school.  I am still in awe of my puppy as I am writing this!  Our dog may have been expensive (we are still working hard at fundraising to pay for her) but she is worth her weight in gold.  I believe that she saved Bekah from a possible seizure today and maybe even worse.