Thursday, May 27, 2010

Bekah's Bountiful Bunch

Since Bekah's diagnosis I have wanted to get involved in finding a cure. From the JDRF website: "The mission of JDRF is to find a cure for diabetes and its complications through the support of research. Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease that strikes children and adults suddenly, and can be fatal. Until a cure is found, people with type 1 diabetes have to test their blood sugar and give themselves insulin injections multiple times or use a pump - each day, every day of their lives. And even with that intensive care, insulin is not a cure for diabetes, nor does it prevent its eventual and devastating complications, which may include kidney failure, blindness, heart disease, stroke, and amputation."

The walk for the Portland area is on October 3,2010. I will be there to walk for my daughter and the many other families who suffer with T1D. Visit our support page

I figured it was best to get an early start so we could build a team and get some money raised for this great organization.

Heidi =)

This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it ~Psalm 118:24

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Maybe it's just me...

Excuse my while I step up on my soap box for a moment

Maybe it's just me but I think the way we word things is so important. I think with out realizing it we can dishonor people simply by the way we word certain things. I have always had this passion, not just since Bekah was diagnosed with T1D. I grew up with a mom who happens to have Cerebral Palsy. I don't call her Cerebral Palsy mom. She is just my mom. I love her and don't even think about the fact that she has a disability most of the time. On the rare occasion that some one asks me about her condition does that thought even cross my mind that there is something different about her. She is a great mom. The way she has handled her disability (I don't really even like to call it that) has helped me in how I have handled Bekah and her diagnosis of T1D. My mom has always been independent and never felt sorry for herself at least in my presence. It is a part of who she is and has been since birth but Cerebral Palsy does not define my mom.

I have an uncle who has mental retardation. I certainly don't refer to him as my R (I can't even type the word it is so offensive to me) Uncle. He is my uncle and his name is Tom and he loves to help my dad every chance he gets with yard work. He loves to take his wife (yes he is married and she has developmental delays as well) on long walks. My uncle's wife loves to buy little gifts for people and loves stuffed animals of any sort. She especially loves the animals that sing and dance. That is who she is.

I worked in a class room for children with special needs for a couple of years. I loved the children I was privileged to work with and none of them did I see as being special needs children they are children first and foremost. In my opinion we need to always put the children before the special need because if it's autism or diabetes their special need doesn't tell me who they are. I want to know their name and the things they are passionate about. I still think of a little guy that was in my class and his love for numbers and balls. I don't look at a ball with out thinking of him.

My daughter Bekah has T1D. I'm sure there will be times when I refer to Bekah as being diabetic. She wears bracelets that have the word DIABETIC printed on them. Bekah is my child who happens to have diabetes. She loves to draw and create, she loves to dance and especially loves being a big sister. I don't want T1D to ever define her. It is a huge part of who she is though. T1D never sleeps or goes on vacation no matter how bad I want it to. (I would really like to tell it where to go ;) ) Unless a cure is found it will be a part of her life forever.

On the other hand I have to say I am proud to wear the title d-mom. It means that I am a part of a group that I have a ton of respect for. It means that I have something in common with some very special ladies out there. I don't like the common thread we carry but I am humbled that I am a part of this group. It is this group of ladies (men too) that "get it" when I say I can't get Bekah's BS under control (yes that was written with humor in mind) and understand how stressful it can be to eat at an unknown restaurant. They get the fear and the worry and the sleepless nights that go along with having a child with T1.

My main point is that we (my self included) tend to be careless in how we say things and it does make a difference. I want to make sure that I honor the person, the child, the parent in the way I refer to them. I want to make sure that in all cases that I see the person first and not just their situation or circumstance.

Stepping down from soap box, I thank-you for allowing me to voice my opinion (this post is sort of a piggy back on my little vent ( from last week. I was so riled up I puked out two blogs. I had this saved in my drafts and decided to post it today. It's really mostly directed to Miss School Nurse at Bekah's school.)

Monday, May 24, 2010


There is a term in the D world called the "honeymoon phase". The honeymoon is basically where the pancreas is out of crisis and begins to kick out some insulin. BG levels are fairly easy to manage on very little insulin during this time. Most people are dx with T1D when 90% of the insulin producing cells in the pancreas have been destroyed. That last 10% will eventually be destroyed but the amount of time that it takes for that to happen varies from person to person.

When Bekah was first diagnosed it was a crisis and even though inside I was holding up ok you could take one look at me and know something big was going on. I was a mess. I tend to let my outward appearance slide when I am stressed. I don't have the time or energy to put on make up or do my hair.

As the days went on I felt myself changing inside and longed to reflect that in my outward appearance. I had a friend of mine that does hair give me a new color and cut. I loved that I was able to reflect the new me on the outside too.
I was handling this whole new life ok. Bekah's BG numbers were staying very neat and tidy in that 80-180 goal window that they gave us in the hospital. Three weeks went by and I thought this was going to be smooth sailing. "This is not so tough. I can do this." I thought to myself. I was becoming more organized with everything in my life because D forced me to be. It felt good to be organized (not my best skill).

Bam out of the blue Bekah had a BG reading of 48. My heart raced as I found the Starbursts we had set aside for just such an occasion. She ate the 4 allotted candies and in 15 min her BG level was back up in the range. We had a few more lows over the next few weeks. Bekah was able to recognize them for the most part. She of course thought they were fun but, I was frustrated with the lows and having to second guess her pancreas. Still for the most part this was still easy peasy.

One week Bekah had 9 lows. We made many adjustments and got her back on track. At the time I was thinking that maybe I had gotten a dose of reality or what life would be like after the honeymoon.

This week I hit my wall. We have had random highs in the 300s. I had never seen her meter read over 250 before that. I messed up her Lantus twice in one week. I accidentally dumped her newly lost tooth down the drain. (we put teeth in a glass of water in the kitchen-mostly so the tooth fairy doesn't forget the tooth under the pillow (we have a very forgetful tooth fairy at our house)) I fired my self from being her pancreas and mom. It seems to me anybody could do a better job than I have been doing.

My cute new hair do has been in a ponytail, make-up has been forgotten about and I have been sporting my husband's dowdy sweatshirt (it is comfortable and hides my extra padding because I have very little time and motivation for exercise) Plus my glasses broke so I am wearing and old pair as I wait for new contacts to arrive. I am not a pretty sight these days.

I'm not sure if the honeymoon has come to and end or not but emotionally for me it has. The first few weeks I was so thankful that my daughter was alive I would have done anything and as the weeks have gone on I have grown weary and tired. Don't get me wrong, I am so very thankful to have her here with us and be able to give her shots and all of the other stuff that goes along with D. I am just tired.

I am a music girl and lyrics to songs speak volumes to me. This currently where my heart is at.

Casting Crowns "I Will Praise You in This Storm"

I was sure by now

God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as You mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will life my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Wow! I just reread my post before putting it out there for the public eye. I think maybe I have been a little depressed. There has been alot more going on besides D that has caused my downward spiral. The transmission on our only car blew up. We don't do credit cards so my hubby had to work extra hrs (18-20 hrs a day) to get the money together to get it back. Both of my older two kids have been having tummy troubles so we have had a myriad of tests done but, haven't been able to figure out what is going on. Before Bekah's dx we saw our pediatrician for well child visits and that was about it. We have been there a lot over the past couple of months. I could go on but you get the idea. I have had a lot on my plate and it's time to deal with the stress in a healthy manner. I came across these verses this morning from Lamentations in the Contemporary English Version of the Bible.

19Just thinking of my troubles and my lonely wandering makes me miserable. 20That's all I ever think about, and I am depressed. b]">[b] 21Then I remember something that fills me with hope. 22The LORD's kindness never fails! If he had not been merciful, we would have been destroyed. c]">[c] 23The LORD can always be trusted to show mercy each morning. 24Deep in my heart I say, "The LORD is all I need; I can depend on him!"

So today is a new day! I will face it with hope and expectation!

No pony tail for me today =)

Sunday, May 23, 2010


I am so fired!

Last Saturday at midnight, after watching a movie with my hubby, I realized I had forgotten to give Bekah her Lantus. I scrambled to get it to her in her sleep and breathed a sigh of relief once we got it in her system. Oops! A huge blunder that I vowed to NEVER make again. The rest of the week we had to cut back by a half an hour each night to give her the Lantus. (it stays in the system about 24 hrs)

Tonight we went out to dinner to celebrate my husband's birthday. The last time we were at a restaurant, Bekah cried because she didn't want a diet drink. Tonight I was determined to avoid that so when the waiter asked for our drink order I told Bekah whatever she wanted was fine. After our order was taken we discovered there was a "light" version and some one made the comment that "oh that comes in light too". Tears from Bekah. She wanted the light version. We got it all worked out and our server went to dutifully find the carb count for the light strawberry lemonade for me.

Bekah ordered mac-n-cheese with oranges. Easy to count plus she wanted some of my fries too. I counted leaving room for a few fries and gave her the needed bolus. I was stressed about how it would all turn out because we have had these random numbers in the 300s and she went in to dinner a little high (207).

On the way home my husband decided that he wanted a peach pie for dessert. Ugh! I had not taken dessert into consideration when I gave Bekah her insulin. I decided that we should wait until it would be Bekah's snack time any way and then I'd give her the choice of a 15 carb piece of pie or an extra poke. She decided on the 15 carbs. I was feeling proud that we had finally gotten Bekah's Lantus back to a reasonable hour for a good bed time (8:45).

Since Bekah had decided that 15 carbs of the pie was what she wanted, I became a master pie sculptor while she tested her BG level. I was nervous about her number because dinner was just my best guess and we rarely eat out. I peeled off the top and butt of the crust and measured what I guessed to be about 15 carbs of gooey peach filling with a bit of bottom crust. Her number was 146! Oh yeah I rock!

I then got David ready for his bath because he had spilled red juice down his front and his little belly was stained. We played with boats and nesting cups in the tub. He brushed his teeth while I got his jammies on. Then I nursed him to sleep while I caught up on blogs and FB. Feeling rather sleepy I said good night to my hubby and came back up to bed. I noticed that Bekah had fallen asleep on the couch. He said he would get her to bed.

3:00- time to check Bekah's BG. 386!!! What? I cursed the pie and then I realized as my throat sank into the bottom of my stomach and my stomach to my knees that I had forgotten her Lantus. AGAIN! Only a week later!

I stink as a pancreas and feel like a heel of a mother! I couldn't sleep so here I am at 4AM blogging so I don't loose my mind. I am so fired! But I have to re-hire myself again in the morning because even if I stink I'm what she has got. :(

Friday, May 21, 2010

A world of our own

To those other D-moms out there:

I have a very good friend who had triplets about 6 months ago and one day recently she said to me, "you know having triplets is like being in a world of my own. I have supportive friends but nobody can really understand my life unless they have had triplets"

I feel the exact same way about D. Unless you walk and talk it every day you don't get it until you live it. I have supportive friends and family but nobody else is there when I wake at night to make sure Bekah is still breathing or holds her when she is inconsolable with a high BG level. Nobody else feels the dagger to the heart when her meter reads 345 or 398. Nobody else sees her A1C as a personal test. I do have friends and family that try to understand but just like me with the triplets I will never really know what it is like because I don't live it. I can hold them and help diaper and sooth them and even pumped my milk for them. At the end of the day though I go home and don't have to think about how many times they will feed in the night or if I have enough milk to go around.

I look at my friend in awe as she breastfeeds and cloth diapers all three babies not to mention has 6 other kids that she cares for at the same time. She does it with what I see as grace and makes it look easy. I know it can't be easy and I don't know how she does it.

One day she said the same thing to me as I was talking about trying to second guess how Bekah's body was going to react to the sun and heat on that particular day. "I don't know how you do it"

Our answers to each other are the same. Because we have to. There is no other choice. For her she doesn't feel like it's right to just pick her favorite at the moment and breast feed that one, she wants all 3 to have the benefits from breastfeeding. Cloth diapering for her is not a choice either because it's way too expensive to use disposables Xs 3. Granted breastfeeding and cloth diapering aren't a matter of life and death but she does have no other choice than to make sure they are all thriving because as their mom that is her job.

My daughter's life and quality of life as she grows older rely on me doing the best job I can at being her pancreas/nurse.

I am thankful for those of you out there that do get it. Just knowing that you are out there doing your best a being a pancreas or in some cases 3 pancreases (yes Meri I mean you =) ) is an encouragement. So here we are in a world of our own and I am glad I have you all to share it with. This is all so new for us and at times so completely overwhelming. I may not always comment but I read your blogs and laugh with you and cry with you and many times what you are dealing with is right where I am at.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

A little vent...

I just want to scream!!

I just got off the phone with the school nurse. She called to just give me a brief update. She is only at Bekah's school 1 day a week and Bekah is in kindergarten so Bekah is under her care maybe 3 hrs a week. I filled her in on some changes in Bekah's routine and carb to insulin ratio.

She then preceded to lecture me about how important it is for Bekah to be able to give her self shots by next fall so that I won't have to come to lunch to help her.


What if I worked full time and couldn't come to the school at lunch? And really does she think it's safe for a barely 7 year old to be dosing and giving herself insulin?

The next part almost sent me through the roof. She told me that she thought it was important that we get Bekah a 504 (ok now we're talking) so that if she is high or low she won't have to take the state standardized test. She added, "after all this is a life threatening condition".


She is worried about my daughter's ability to take a standardized test but not about her daily ability to receive insulin by someone who is trained.

The nurses in the hospital had to have a second nurse sign off on the amount before insulin could be given and I had to have hours upon hours of training on diabetes management to be able to bring my daughter home from the hospital.

I have no doubt that at some point Bekah will very skillfully be able to do all that is required to manage her own diabetes. She is growing up too fast as it is why should I force her to grow up any faster. Diabetes in and of itself has caused her to have to do some very uncomfortable things and I don't want to force her to do something she is not ready to do. I should not have to come to the school daily to help her. You can bet I will though. (Actually we are hoping to move into a different district that will play better with D or home school).

I am happy to fight for D and for other families that will come behind us so that the school will provide better care but not at the expense of my daughter. I don't want her to suffer because the school is concerned about their budget and their precious standardized test scores.

These are the kind of answers we have been getting from the school. It is so frustrating! What happened to really caring about the kids and their well-being?

I kept her home for the first couple of weeks after we got home from the hospital. I was tempted to keep her home for the rest of the year and just home school. She loves school though and D has taken away so much, I didn't want it to take that from her too. Her life is going to be difficult enough she doesn't need me taking away something that she loves so much or make her feel different or like something is wrong with her.

She wasn't even able to check her own BG level and the staff at the school is not allowed to pierce the skin. My solution to that was to pack David up and camp out at the school for the three hours she was there every day. I didn't hover, I did production work for the teacher and walked the halls with David so he wouldn't be too distracting. I just wanted to be in the building if Bekah happened to need me. I did that for a couple of weeks. Then I did every other day or so and eventually I let her ride the bus and be at school the whole time with out me. This was only after I knew she could confidently check her own BG level if necessary.

I keep my cell phone on my person at all times while she is at school. Her teacher is great! I made her a cheat sheet with number ranges and what to do with the given number if Bekah should ever feel the need to check at school. Bekah has never needed to check her BG level at school.

She eats a good breakfast (brunch) before school and then at school has a 15 carb snack (no insulin needed) and for good measure a cracker before she gets on the bus. Then lunch (or a large snack) is after school and dinner about 3 hours later.

Maybe I am being a neurotic, overprotective parent. But at this point I don't feel like the school she is at currently is the best option for next school year.

I welcome your thoughts.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Things I never thought I would ever say ....

Some days I have to have a good laugh or I'll loose it to all of the seriousness that D brings my way. Here are a few of the things that I never thought I'd ever say to my daughter. D has a fun side too =) Enjoy!

"Make sure you finish ALL of that cake, especially the frosting" (I had already given her a bolus for the whole thing- 30ish carbs worth)

"You can't have dinner until you eat your candy" (she was low before dinner and I like to make sure her numbers are good before giving insulin)

"Go run around like a wild animal" (a high BG level but not high enough to want to correct for with insulin)

"You have to stay up late tonight" (running high or low take your pick both have happened where we need to get it under control before sending her to bed)

"You have to play hookie from school today" (BG level was high and she becomes emotional when high so I kept her home)

"You NEED to eat that candy" (to bring BG level back to normal)

"You are high" (never thought I would say this to one of my children and taken out of context is funny you have to admit)

"Peanut butter pickle sandwiches with clowns on top" (PB Sandwiches was our saying from the hospital when she would get a poke and every now and then we mix it up or try to get her to laugh when she is having a hard time)

Ok I bet you have a few too. I'd love to hear them.

Monday, May 17, 2010


I have found that as we deal with T1D I have little patience for ignorance. I have gotten questions like "is it the bad kind of diabetes?" to "why is she eating THAT?" and more. So many people get T2 and T1 mixed up and really just don't get it. One night while dining in a local restaurant, I kindly asked our server how many carbs in an item and her answer was " a lot". Are you kidding me?? A lot? In compared to what? How does that help me? "I don't know" would have sounded more intelligent. I honestly wanted to punch said server in the nose. Why does ignorance when it comes to T1D ruffle my feathers so much? I think there are two reasons. First being that I want everyone to understand. I don't want their pity but I want them to get what my daughter goes through every day. Secondly I am jealous. I used to be that ignorant person who thought that counting goldfish crackers was over the top and had no clue what Lantus, Novalog, carb ratios, keytones, etc, etc. were. There was a day that I was ignorant too and ignorance was bliss.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

(Diabetes blog week day 7) Dream a Little Dream

This is the prompt for today's blog: "To wrap up Diabetes Blog Week, let’s pretend a cure has been found. We are all given a tiny little pill to swallow and *poof* our pancreases are back in working order. No side effects. No more insulin resistance. No more diabetes. Tell us what your life is now like. Or take us through your first day celebrating life without the Big D. Blog about how you imagine you would feel if you no longer were a Person With Diabetes."

We have had some tough days this past week so I say with vigor I HATE THIS BLASTED DISEASE! (My mom taught me that hate is a very strong word and to use it with caution. Well here it fits better than any other place that I have ever chosen to use it.)

A cure would mean FREEDOM

Freedom from finger pokes and insulin injections

Freedom from worry

Freedom from fear

Freedom from not being like everybody else

Freedom from the questions

Freedom from the misunderstandings

Freedom from the tears and pain this disease causes

Freedom to sleep soundly all night long

Freedom to be spontaneous

Freedom to eat whatever and whenever with out a second thought

Freedom from the words bolus, injection, poke, A1C, lancet, needle, syringe, insulin etc.

Freedom from having to do math constantly (my mom never used this scenario when I didn't want to do my math homework as to why I needed math in real life)

Freedom, sweet freedom...

It's not my freedoms even that I am most concerned with it's the fact that my daughter could have those freedoms. She is why I do what I do and will keep doing it as long as I need to. I know eventually she will take over the roll of being her own pancreas/ nurse but, I will never stop worrying about her and her health. I am so thankful that this disease is manageable and I know things could be worse. More than likely I will get to watch my beautiful daughter graduate high school, get married and become a mom. There are so many things that she will be able to do T1D or not and for that I am grateful beyond words but it is a tough life and today doesn't seem fair. I watch the kids in the neighborhood play carelessly knowing that any minute I will have to have Bekah come in to check her BG level and I want so bad for her to be "normal" again. Where I could let her play with out a care in the world. I dream of that day and I pray fervently for a cure in her life time so that she will know the joy of sweet freedom from T1D.

I have so enjoyed this week of getting to know many of you! I will continue to follow your blogs and lives. Cheers!

(Diabetes blog week day 6) Dibetes snapshots

This is a re-post but it fit the days challenge. Enjoy!

The following are photos of things that have become a part of our life on a daily basis. Many of these thing we had never seen or thought much about prior to Bekah's diagnosis of T1D. There are lots of photos so I apologize if you have a slow connection.

The calculator ap on my phone. I love it! It saves my bacon many times a day because math and I don't get along all that well. =)

My handy dandy measuring devices (not sure where I'd be with out them)

A new favorite household beverage (0 carbs so Bekah can have it any time)

Glucogon (an injection that we have to give Bekah if she is unresponsive. It tells the liver to dump all of the sugars in to her system to quickly bring her BG level back from critical levels. Our hope is to never have to use it but for safety sake she has to keep it with her at all times)

Our favorite snack (it has 17g carb, 3g fiber, 2g protein, and 7g fat) a good combo to keep blood sugar even

Fasting acting cabs for low BG levels

This is Bekah's diabetes bag. It has everything she needs on a regular basis through out the day. (testing stuff, fast acting carbs, protein/carb snacks, glucogon and extra of everything)

Prize box (Bekah gets a prize for being extra brave and doing a poke herself. Mostly it's just for BG checks but will come in handy for other stuff in the future. I like to keep things positive.) It has pencils, pens, stamps, stickers, sugar free gum, jelly bracelets, tattoos, erasers, little note pads etc.

Sticker sheets (she gets to put a sticker on for each poke)

The log book where I record BG levels and carbs etc

This is a book that I use to look up the carbs in foods with no label (ie. strawberries or pasta) I also have an ap on my phone that I use quite often.

Band-aide box full of fun band-aides.

Night time insulin to give a base line. From my understanding, it works with the sugars produced by the liver.

Sharps container. We fill up about one a month.

These are all of the thing we need to do a BG check. Lancing device, strips, and meter

A finger prick

Hokey Pokey

Lancets to go in the lancing device


needles for the insulin pen

Insulin pen

Used test strips. We go through six or so a day.

Friday, May 14, 2010

(Dibetes blog week day 5) Exercise

Today's post is about exercise.

Bekah has no regular exercise other than doing what six year old little girls do and that is dance and play and ride scooters etc. She is a busy bee.

I on the other hand need to get moving because I have spent the better part of the last 15 months parked in a chair nursing my little guy. (I'm not giving up BF, just need to move a little) I started yesterday with a four mile walk. It was one of the first real sunny days here in the Pacific NW. I have been researching vitamin D and the benefits so I went sans sunscreen. Big mistake. Too much of a good thing =too much. My children now have a mommy that looks like she might be related to the crustacean family namely the lobster.

I got this post in, just in the nick of time to call it Friday.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

To Carb or Not to Carb (Diabetes blog week day 4)

This is the prompt for today's blog "Today let's blog about what we eat. And perhaps what we don't eat. Some believe a low carb diet is important in diabetes management, while others believe carbs are fine as long as they are counted and bolused for. Which side of the fence do you fall on? What kinds of things do you eat for meals and snacks? What foods do you deem bolus-worthy? What other foodie wisdom would you like to share?"

I have incorporated both a low carb diet and the ability to eat whatever she wants into Bekah's regimen. We chose the Novalog/Lantus for that very reason. I want her to have freedom but learn moderation at the same time. We aim for less than 60 carbs per meal but I also believe every child, T1D or not should be able to have their cake and eat it too (every now and then).

When we first got home from the hospital, we just did 100 calorie packs because Bekah was afraid to eat. Bekah is a rule follower and loves routine. I wanted her to have freedom and not feel like D was in control so I went out and bought a bunch of 100 calorie packs. 100 calorie packs are nice because they (for the most part) contain 15 g of carbs. I was able to offer her a variety of food that she knew was safe. The nice thing about them each having about 15g of carbs is that at snack time she could just pick one and we wouldn't have to add an injection for it. We have graduated to making our own 15 g carb snack bags from larger bags (way more economical). We have discovered that 15 g of carb = 40 fish crackers or 40 puffs of pirates booty or 9 pretzels or 10 animal crackers.

Most of Bekah's meals average 40 g of carbs. She loves fruit and veggies so her carbs are usually from fruit. She has never been a big sandwich eater so for lunch she has a cheese stick or two and some turkey peperoni along with her fruit and maybe a snack bag. Breakfast is commonly scrambled eggs with cheese and fruit or toast with reduced calorie jam or rice checks and milk with fruit. Dinner is a challenge because Bekah is a little picky. My rule before D was make your own pb and j if you don't want what we are having. Bekah is a healthy picky eater (she'd much rather have strawberries and cucumbers than a casserole) so I tend to cater to her and let her choose. It's easier to let her choose than make her force down something she doesn't like and later having to substitute juice for what she wouldn't eat.

For special occasions, I buy the teeny tiny Hagen Dazs or Ben and Jerry's ice cream cups. That way they are pre-measured and everybody gets the same amount. The kids think the little cups are fun (way more fun than looking into a bowl with just a half a cup of ice cream in it). With an average of about 20ish g of carbs we are still able to stick with our goal of 60ish g of carbs for that meal. (A special occasion in our house could be as simple as Mom decided to buy ice cream at the store). For Bekah's birthday in July I will go all out on a yummy cake. She already told me she wants lemon so I'm thinking double layer with lemon curd filling and a lemony butter cream frosting. yummmmm =)

Bekah's favorite snack is Ritz Crackerfuls. They have a good fat/protein/fiber/carb ratio. The best price I have found on these is at Walmart although a friend gave me a tip that she found them at Grocery Outlet. I still need to go check it out. I buy a lot of these. Like I said in the beginning of this blog, Bekah likes routine. Once she finds something she likes and works well for her she sticks with it. I like these because for a bedtime snack they keep her BG level fairly even and she usually wakes up at about 130 and in the night 160s-170s although lately she has had these random highs at night. We are in the honeymoon phase still so high for us is anything over 200. Her numbers have been in the 230s for a few nights and then by morning she is back to 130.

We are still very new to all of this. I look forward to reading more blogs to get some great tips etc.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

My (our) biggest supporter (Diabetes blog week day 3 )

Two months ago my sweet little girl was diagnosed with T1D. I have to say that she has been my biggest supporter in all of this. She is a champ! Rarely complains about a finger prick or a shot. She reminds me when I forget something and has taken over much of the job of managing her diabetes. Neither of us are ready for her to take the full reins yet but she amazes me! She does her BG checks almost entirely on her own now. She puts then needle on the pen and "gets it ready" meaning she primes the needle and dials up the selected amount for her injection. She changes "Lance" (the lancet on her lancing device) on her own.

I would also say that for both of us those that have gone before us have made a huge impact. Even if they are only a few months ahead of us on this crazy journey called diabetes. The parents and children with T1D and some adults with T1D have been amazing! Bekah's favorite two are Ella, a little girl her age who has been on her journey for 5 years (since she was a year old) and Holly, a diabetes educator at the hospital who has T1D. After our last visit with Holly, Bekah on two occasions almost gave herself a shot. If she wasn't afraid of doing it in her tummy she would have done it by now I'm sure. It is so awkward to try to give yourself a shot in the arm. She got super close twice though. Holly showed her how to do it by placing your arm on your knee and then the next time Bekah needed a shot wanted to try it herself. She got the needle to the skin and then couldn't go any further. I would definitely say that Holly had been amazing for Bekah! We have a few more education appt.s and I am hoping to be able to see Holly for all of them because Bekah has connected so well with her.

D is a family thing in our home. My husband is awesome! He gives Bekah her injections when she would prefer him do it. If he is home she at least wants to sit on his lap. I couldn't do this with out him by my side. He does the 2 AM checks because he is a night owl and I already get up to nurse David a couple of times a night. Our other kids are pretty great at understanding the changes we have had to make and especially how important it is to not eat in front of Bekah and trying to help her be brave. Megan especially. Meg even "told off" the neighbor girl for eating a Popsicle in front of Bekah the other day. Anything we do or go through is a family thing in our home so D is no different. I'm so proud of my family for the way they have rallied together.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

(Daibetes blog week day 2) MAKING THE LOW GO!

With D there is a phenomenon where the blood glucose level goes low causing hypoglycemia. A low is considered anything under 80. When that happens it is important to get the BG level back up in the 100s as quickly as possible. According to the Mayo clinic website:

Hypoglycemia occurs when:

* Your body's sugar (glucose) is used up too quickly
* Glucose is released into the bloodstream too slowly
* Too much insulin is released into the bloodstream

Insulin is a hormone that reduces blood sugar. It is produced by the pancreas in response to increased glucose levels in the blood.

Hypoglycemia is relatively common in persons with diabetes. It occurs when:

* You take too much insulin or diabetes medicine
* You don't eat enough food
* You suddenly increase your exercise without increasing the amount of food you eat

Symptoms include:

* Cold sweats
* Confusion
* Convulsions
* Coma
* Double vision or blurry vision
* Fatigue
* General discomfort, uneasiness, or ill feeling (malaise)
* Headache
* Hunger
* Irritability (possible aggression)
* Nervousness
* Rapid heart rate
* Trembling

When I give Bekah her insulin I am making an educated guess as to how much she needs to compensate for the carbohydrates that she is eating, but the beautiful complexities of the human body can cause her body to process the carbohydrates differently because of hormones, excitement, extra activity, weather etc. So low BG levels are fairly common. So far the most Bekah has had in a week is 9 and she has gone one or two weeks with out any.

Bekah can usually identify a low by how she is feeling and the glucometer confirms it. She knows the numbers and I usually see a smile come across her face as the number pops up if she is low.

To treat a low you give 15 grams of fast acting carbs (juice, candy, glucose tabs etc). Bekah's favorite is Starburst or jelly beans. I just recently added a jar of smarties to mix it up a bit. Bekah also got brave and decided to try to glucose tabs for the first time over the weekend. Giant smarties is how she described them. I guess I'll be buying more of those to keep on hand.

We never know when a low is going to occur so we keep candy and juice with us everywhere we go. Juice is awesome for night time lows because she can drink it in her sleep. I don't have to worry about her choking and don't have to wake her completely (she sleeps like a rock).

repost-a day in the life (for diabetes blog week) originally titled "Our new normal"

In this blog entry I will take you through a day in the life of Bekah (a six year old little girl with T1D) from her mom's perspective. Bekah was diagnosed with T1D on March 8, 2010. (look in the blog archive for her diagnosis story) Daily at 9:00ish AM Bekah gets up. She usually comes down stairs and gives me a hug and snuggles me for a few minutes while I sip my coffee. "Ok time to check you blood sugar." We go upstairs and retrieve all of the contents of her diabetes bag that lay strewn across my dresser from the night time checks and bring them down to the kitchen table to begin our morning regimen. She takes her lancing device which she affectionately calls "Hokey Pokey" and pricks her finger then squeezes to get a small puddle of blood. I put a strip in the glucometer and put it up to the blood. It beeps and Bekah grabs a tissue to blot the rest of the blood while we wait for the number appear. If the number is in the range (80-180) we don't need to do anything extra but if it's lower than 80 she drinks 4oz of juice or eats 4 Starburst candies or 15 jelly beans and we test again in 15 min. If it's higher than 200 I add and extra unit to the number of units of insulin I give her that morning with her breakfast. Bekah then picks out her breakfast. I measure and add up the number of grams of carbohydrate and do the math to figure out how much insulin to give her. (the ratio is constantly changing because her body is changing how it processes the sugar) Right now we are on a 1:15 ratio for breakfast and lunch and a 1:20 for dinner. Her breakfast usually consists of fruit and cereal. I measure the cereal (1 cup and 1/4 of rice crisps) and 8 oz of milk. That is usually 45 g of carbs and then if she has a cutie orange that is 8 or grapes are 1 carb each. For a 60g carb breakfast she gets 4 units of Novalog. I set the pen and give the injection. Sometimes she wants to even put the needle on the pen herself and other times she doesn't want much to do with it. It is so strange to think that one day she will be giving her self shots. After she has been given her insulin, Bekah can eat her breakfast. After breakfast we find a 15 carb snack to pack for school and walk to the bus stop.

At the bus stop I give her a hug and tell her to have a great day and as she is running to get on the bus I add "listen to your body". While she is at school my cell phone stays on my person. There is only a nurse at Bekah's school one day a week, so my phone is my life line to her if her BG gets weird. So far she has had no problems. I hope it stays that way! At 3:00 David and I go back to get Bekah at the bus stop. I always make a big sigh of relief as I watch her de-board the bus. We talk about her day, the letter of the week and who she played with at recess as we walk home. Once home, we unpack her back pack, taking care of papers and get her diabetes bag and put it on the table. She likes to pick out her lunch before we check her BG. After her lunch is picked out and placed nicely on a plate in front of her, we begin the same routine as we did for breakfast. She gets out "Hokey Pokey" and does the test mostly on her own while I do the math and get the pen ready with her bolus. She eats her lunch and goes out to play while I get dinner started.

Dinner is around 6:30. Bekah comes in from playing, washes her hands and goes right to doing a BG check. I get her plate ready, count carbs and get the pen ready. Usually at dinner she wants Daddy to do the injection so she climbs up on his lap and he gives her the insulin. (One thing we do in our home is we don't use the words "shot" or "injection" we call it "giving" or "getting" insulin just like any other medicine we just don't put an emphasis on the fact that this medicine is given through a shot that hurts) During dinner Bekah will remind me that she gets so many stickers (we do a sticker for each poke) and so many prizes (she gets a prize for each time she is extra brave and gives herself a poke, so far it's just for BG checks but eventually for insulin injections). After dinner we get out the sticker charts and the prize box.

We wait at least an hour after her dinner insulin to give her a bath. Getting ready for bed includes a BG check yet again, then a 15 carb snack. I have found Ritz Crackerfuls to be my favorite bed time snack. Bekah loves them and they have a really good protein, fat, carb, fiber content to keep her BG at a nice even place. (that's the theory anyway). Before bed she gets her Lantus. I draw that up in a syringe and she picks where she wants the shot. I giver her the shot, kiss her on the head and tell her that she is the bravest little girl in the world, then it's off to bed. At night we check Bekah's BG at least once at 2AM and sometimes a second time at 6 AM. Then the day begins again...

Some things that are part of our "new normal" are Bekah's Diabetes bag which includes, glucometer, test strips, lancing device, extra pen needles, extra lancets, extra syringes, glucogon (an injection for emergencies when she becomes unresponsive, we are hoping to never have to use it but she has to keep it with her), 15 carb snacks, juice boxes and other fast acting carbs and her insulin if we are going anywhere for a long period of time.

The photo at the top is of my counter top. I keep it organized to the T. I even threaten "off with their head" to anyone who dares to put anything that doesn't belong there or messes it up in any way. =)

I think the next blog will be a photo blog of all of the things that are part of our "new normal"

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mother's Day

I am so thankful for this day to be able to celebrate being a mommy of my four amazing kids. I have a great mom and grandma that I am thankful to have in my life and be able to celebrate this day with also. For Mother's Day I found a special story that was first presented to me less than 24 hrs after Bekah's diagnosis. Enjoy!

by Erma Bombeck

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit. Did you ever wonder how mothers of children with diabetes are chosen? Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint Matthew."
"Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, Patron Saint Cecilia."
"Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint Gerard. He's used to profanity."

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a child with diabetes." The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly", smiles God. "Could I give child with diabetes to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel".

"But has she the patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I am going to give her has her own world. She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."

The angel gasps. "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she cannot separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with less than perfect."

"She does not realize it yet, but she is to be envied. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see .... ignorance, cruelty, prejudice ... and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as if she is here by my side."

"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid air. God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

Saturday, May 8, 2010

the not so pretty side of D

Another D-mom shared this on her blog and I felt like reposting it here. She found it from someone else and didn't know the original author so I can't give credit where credit is due. This is not one of those feel good stories or blog entries. This is real, this is raw and these are the thoughts that go through our heads as we confront this awful disease called diabetes.

"No one could ever understand what a family goes through who has a child with diabetes. I mean it is ‘just diabetes,’ right? To those who know, no explanation is needed and to those who don’t, all the explanation in the world isn’t enough to truly explain.

Truth is, it isn’t ‘just ...diabetes.’ It’s a world that scares the hell out of all of us as parents. It’s a world where no parent should watch their child, or their children, suffer daily.

We don’t need to be told again and again that it could be worse; it could be this disease or that disease. We don’t need to be asked again for the millionth time, “Will they grow out of it?” We don’t need to hear from someone that it’s really not that bad to take a few shots. We don’t need to be called up to the school. We don’t need to worry if the falling down in soccer, or football, or lacrosse, or playing in the yard is part of their activity or if they are collapsing from a hypoglycemic reaction - and we hold our breath until they get up again. We don’t need that.

It’s these times. It’s the sleepless nights. It’s playing the diabetes police to our kids. It’s the feeling guilty on playing the diabetes police to our kids.

It’s the constant and burning wish that our lives be normal again.

Our lives are NOT normal.

But we don’t live like there’s a problem, do we? The feelings of fear, anxiety, guilt - and did I mention fear? - are kept inside though, aren’t they? They are kept inside because we want normal again, or as close to normal as can be, for our kids and for us too.

So we smile, we try not to overact when things go haywire, we smile when a relative we love says something stupid like “So you just cut back on their sugar, right?’ We cry alone, we cry in silence, but most of all we move on.

Most people just do not know what we go through because we do not live our lives in defeat. We try to stay upbeat.

But still, deep down inside we all have the fears and showing them outward is something we work real hard just not to do. But they are there, we all know they are."

This is from a mom whose daughter was diagnosed with T1D at just 9 months old. Having a 6 year old with it is hard enough but a 9 month old, I can't even imagine.

Growing up with diabetes does not make a child blind to the world around them. It does not make needles hurt them less, or make them any happier about the endless pokes that come with type 1 D. It does not make the dream of carefree eating less appealing or make them want to skip dessert while everyone else indulges. It does not make hypoglycemia feel less scary. It does not make them less self conscious about having to stop, test and drink a juice on the playground or in the middle of class. It most definitely does not keep them from wondering why other kids don't have to deal with any of this.... They KNOW the difference.

Getting diabetes as a very young child does not have an upside, if you don't believe me ask an experienced pediatric endocrinologist. It puts you at much greater risk for every bad thing that diabetes has to offer, both physically and emotionally. It is extremely hard on the child, the caregiver and the entire family. The only silver lining is that you can't remember anything about your child being normal and healthy and neither can they.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Early problem solving

Countless people have commented on David, my youngest child and his signing abilities. I get tons of questions about how, when, why etc. I decided to take a break from writing about D and write about something fun. Enjoy!

As parents one of our roles is to discipline our children. The word discipline is derived from the term to disciple which means to teach or train. We as parents are our children's first teachers. I believe all good teachers teach problem solving along with any curriculum that they teach. Problem solving is a life long skill that will always add value to our life and many times the lives of others. When we have good problem solving skills, life is our oyster as we learn to take the grains of sand that try to irritate us and learn to make them in to pearls.

The first problem that most children encounter is how to communicate their needs. Most times a child can make a gesture before he or she can audibly communicate what the thoughts are in their head. I have tried with each of my children to teach them from a very early age to use gestures or signs to communicate. It has been a very effective tool in warding off tantrums and the "point and whine" (to me one if the most frustrating early behaviors). They seem to feel empowered as they are able to express to me what they need or want at the moment in a way that I am able to understand and respond.

I found this quote on a website designed to sell products that teach parents how to sign with their babies "Babies who use sign language are happier and less frustrated, they learn to talk sooner, and they get a long-lasting boost in their intellectual development. What's more, baby sign language is fun and easy."

It really is easy and so rewarding to watch your child learn. I began with every day things that would help them express a possible need. With David I began with the sign for milk. I am planning to breastfeed him for 2 years or more. I don't like the idea of a toddler walking up and lifting up my shirt on his own for a drink. I am happy to feed him from my body, I just want him especially in public to have the respect for my body and courtesy to ask for it. I am teaching him boundaries and manners as well as how to communicate. I didn't do this in a controlling manner. I would simply sign milk as he was nursing or just as I was getting ready to nurse him so he understood what the gesture meant. He was about 6 or 7 months old when he used the sign for the first time on his own. He had just taken a bath and was lying on his changing table as I was trying to put his diaper and pjs on. He was not happy with me and as he cried he also vigorously signed "milk". I quickly finished diapering him and brought him to my breast to nurse to reinforce the sign. I praised him for telling me what he wanted. After he finished nursing I then put his pjs on. From there more and more frequently he would use the sign for milk either when he was nursing or prior. Now he just "tells" me when he wants to nurse by signing "milk". Even in the middle of the night when he wakes up, he doesn't cry. He sits up in bed and signs "milk" "please".

Eating is another good time and way to enforce signs. As a child begins solids, you simply sign "more" with each bite and then "all done" when they are finished. Again it is just basic signs that help a child express what they need with out the need to just fuss. I always begin with me doing the signs for several times and then I facilitate my child making that sign and eventually they start doing it on their own. I don't think it is important to always use ASL (American Sign Language). The goal is to help your child problem solve through being able to communicate. My oldest child began talking very early so signs weren't as important because he could verbally tell me what was going on. My youngest has taken very well to signing and has many "signs" that he uses on a daily basis.

At 14 months old David has signs or gestures for: milk, more, all done, please, thank you, drink , eat, yes, no, treat, up, help, play, phone, my turn, apple, brush teeth, shave, music, bye bye, hi, kiss, what happened or where, wait, and water. We are adding more daily. The key is consistency and frequency. Keep signing and your child will catch on. Just about the time you are thinking they don't get it or aren't interested is usually when most children make the connection.

I still use some signs with my older children when I don't feel like yelling across a crowded room or want to silently discipline them with out drawing attention to them. (I believe in private punishment and public praise) All in all I have found signing to be a great tool for discipline and teaching life long problem solving skills.

David signing "more"

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Welcome to Holland

If you have never read this you should. I have given this story out to countless parents as I have worked with children with special needs. I have always been sort of in awe of parents who have children with special needs. They seem to have an ability to die to themselves better than most, always putting their children's needs before their own desires. Some of my closest friends are people who have children with special needs because with them there is no faking it. They don't try to be or make their lives something it is not and they have a love for the simple things in life. I like people like that. I have always wanted to be a person like that but, no offense to those with children who have special needs, I didn't want to join the club so to speak. I never thought this story would bring ME comfort. It was written for other people, other families that I would happily support from the sidelines and even from time to time get down and dirty with. I could then go home to my "perfect" children with a sigh of relief that there's was not my life and I could go on sharing this story to bring comfort to THEM. On March 8, 2010 my life changed and this is now my story. I now am destined for Holland and will never know Italy again.

Welcome to Holland

By Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland.""Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place.

It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things...about Holland.

Good bye my friend...

On May 4, 2010 Kara left this earth. Just 37 years old and no explanation of why she left us so early. I will never forget her contagious smile or her jovial spirit. She suffered intense headaches that kept her from being as social as she would have liked. I think if she hadn't been so ill most of the time that we might have been closer. I always admired at her ability to smile through the pain. She pressed through and fought hard. She knew Jesus as her personal Lord and Savior so I am comforted in knowing she is no longer in pain and is dancing the dance of her life with Jesus right now. Rest in Peace my friend.

Jesus replied, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. But you haven’t believed in me even though you have seen me. However, those the Father has given me will come to me, and I will never reject them. For I have come down from heaven to do the will of God who sent me, not to do my own will. And this is the will of God, that I should not lose even one of all those he has given me, but that I should raise them up at the last day. For it is my Father’s will that all who see his Son and believe in him should have eternal life. I will raise them up at the last day.” John 6:35-40 NLT

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Mommy sandwich

I woke up this morning sandwiched in between my two youngest children. I smiled a Cheshire cat kind of smile and snuggled them in closer. Yes one day I am going to miss this but for today I took in the moment and enjoyed being a "mommy sandwich".

It all began 15 years ago when I became a new mommy. I couldn't sleep unless I could hear my baby breathing next to me so we put him in a beautiful cradle that my grandpa hand crafted, right next to our bed. Our bed wouldn't have been safe for him because at the time we had a water bed. As the months went on, he was not sleeping through the night and I had to be at work by 6AM. I would just bring him to bed with me out of pure exhaustion. (we had a regular mattress by this time). I loved snuggling with him at night especially when I had to be away from him during the day. He seemed to make up for the missed nursing sessions at night too. We all got a better nights sleep. I could just plug him on a breast and go back to sleep. At around a year old I weaned him from the breast and gave him cows milk which was recommended by our doctor. Josh ended up being allergic to cows milk causing him to have severe asthma. He eventually out grew the allergy but it was very important for me to have Joshua right next to me at night during his scary bouts with asthma. He stayed in our bed until he was 3.5. I was 8 months pregnant with our second child when I got the worst sunburn of my life on my legs and I was afraid that Josh would kick me in the night so we placed him on the floor. He was content to sleep there for several months. We moved him into his own bed once the weather got cool again. We were afraid he would get sick sleeping on the floor because it was cold down there. He would still come in for morning snuggles with us for a long time after that.

With Megan she would start out the night in her own bed and always come to our bed in the night sometime, when I would get up to nurse her as a tiny baby and as she got older she would just walk in and climb in our bed. I loved the morning family snuggles that we had. I was now a full time stay at home mom and also loved a little "break" at night when she would go in her own bed. When her sister was born 5 years later I told Megan that if she needed to come in our room that she would have to make a bed on the floor. I was afraid she would smother the baby if they both happened to be in our bed. Megan did that for quite some time and once we were awake in the morning we'd let her crawl in bed to join the snuggle fest.

The first night home with Bekah I went to put her in her bassinet in our room and my husband said "won't she get lonely over there?" From that night on she never slept in a crib. She was in our bed. Bekah was always easy to put to sleep and slept about a 6 hr stretch at night from the first night home from the hospital. She loved to play with my hair as she would drift off to sleep. Bekah transitioned in to her own bed at 4. It was her call. I wasn't really ready when she was. We had inherited a big girl bed and set it up in her room for when she was ready. That very night she was ready and eager to sleep in her new bed. For the most part she has slept in that bed every night since.

Bekah was 5 when David joined our family. From his first night home from the hospital, I couldn't bare to put him in his crib at night. It was just a few feet from our bed but I just needed him next to me. He is not nearly as easy as Bekah was to get to sleep and at 14 months old, still only sleeps for maybe a 4 hour stretch. I love having David right next to me. When I wake in the night I can give him a little kiss or rub his back before I go back to sleep.

When we got home from the hospital with Bekah after her T1D diagnosis she was not ready to go back in to her own room. She needed to be close to me and I needed to be close to her. We made a bed for her on the floor right next to our bed. She was on my side so I could just look down to check on her. Every once in a while she would climb up in bed next to me creating a "mommy sandwich". Now that we have been home from the hospital for almost 9 weeks she has moved back to her bed on most nights but still comes in from time to time which was the case this morning.

It is not my agenda to justify my position on the family bed or guilt other parents into feeling like it is the best option. We all have to make decisions with in our families that work best for us. As I have gotten older I have tried to live more in the moment, I realize how fleeting the time is that my children will be little. I don't want to look back and regret not snuggling more or playing more because I was "busy". For me having my kids in bed with me is one way to accomplish that.