Thursday, December 30, 2010

2010, what I have learned this year...

As I look back at 2010, the day that stands out most to me is not my baby boy's first birthday (Feb 13) but March 8 (for those of you who have not read Bekah's dx story)

What I learned in 2010:

I learned what it feels like to be scared for you child's life knowing that she might not make it out of PICU

I learned what the term DKA means and that I never want to hear it again

I learned just how complicated and scary diabetes is especially when it is your child

I learned that when it comes to my kids, I can conquer fears that I never though I would (I had a huge fear of needles prior to 3/8)

I learned how to dose insulin and what insulin to carb ratios are and how they change quickly

I learned that the word honeymoon is not always a good thing

I learned what it is like to hold your screaming child as you give her a shot that you know will save her life

I learned what it feels like to have a child with a chronic illness

I learned how difficult it is to sleep when you know that illness could steal her away in her sleep with out any warning

I learned that I can function on very little sleep (albeit not great but I can still walk and talk)

I learned how to take care of a T1D when they are sick

I learned how to test for ketones and just how dangerous they can be

I learned how to organize drawers full of medical supplies

I learned to ALWAYS trust my mommy instincts

I learned how to program an insulin pump and what a basal rate is

I learned how to insert an inset and what it feels like (I started with myself)

I learned that pumping insulin is hard work but worth it for my baby girl

I learned that diabetes is a very expensive disease to manage

I learned what a 504 plan is, how to write one and advocate for my daughter

I learned that I love Juicy Juice and it's power to bring up a BG in the middle of the night

I learned how proud I could be as I watched my daughter give herself her first shot and then inserted insets on her own

I learned that I can raise money for a cause when it is close to my heart and even lead a team to win an award

I learned how amazing this thing called the DOC is and when 2010 began, I didn't know any of them.  As 2010 is coming to a close I know I wouldn't have been able to make it this far with out them.  Thank-you for your friendship and support!  I hope 2011 blesses your socks off!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

It's all in the measuring baby...

If you are faced with a diabetes diagnosis in your family, either your self or someone that you will be caring for, you are going to have to master the skill of counting carbohydrates.  There is a myth that all that diabetics have to worry about is sugar (T2).  Gestational diabetes, type one, type two etc. it doesn't matter if you will be using insulin or not, you have to know how to count carbohydrates and there are some tools that make life much easier when faced with this task.  Here are a couple of gifts that I received for Christmas that are going to make my carb counting life easier!

Ode to Salter

Oh Salter, how I have longed to have you in my home.  You have weighing and measuring skills like none I have ever known.  I see you sitting there on the store shelf but my budget won't allow it unless you are brought by an elf.  Christmas came and now I get to have you near.  I just love the way you help me carb count for my little one so dear.  Salter, I am so glad to have you on my team, owning you is like a dream. 

Here are the features from     

  • Nutri-weigh dietary computer scale
  • Silver color
  • When a healthy weight is the lifestyle of choice, more detailed monitoring is required
  • Salter dietary scales are specifically designed for better portion control
  • Track accumulated nutritional value of weighed food at the touch of a button
  • Analyzes the nutritional content of your food by portion size
  • It calculates the calories, protein, carbohydrates, total sugars, total fat, saturated fat, fiber, sodium, cholesterol, net carbohydrates and G.I. (glycemic index) of your food on a large LCD display
  • Database stores nutritional value of 1440 foods and liquids, plus memorizes an additional 100 foods/recipes of your choice
  • Allows daily food intake record to set dietary goals, then review progress at any time-two user memories
  • Automatic predictive text feature for quick and easy on-screen food search
  • Removable stainless steel cover
  • Resistant to staining/carry over flavors and easy to clean
  • Add and weigh feature enables weighing all ingredients in one bowl
  • Includes our aquatronic liquid measurement feature
  • Can also be used as a conventional scale
 If only I could train it to do the dishes =)

Check out these babies!  They fold up to fit nicely in a D-bag to go along with you to a friend or family's house.  I would even whip these babies out if we were eating at a buffet restaurant.  (we don't go out that often and buffets are not on the top of our list except for Sweet Tomatoes and having a teenage boy I feel like I get my monies worth in that place while still filling the family up on healthy fare) My mother-in-law got them for me.  I have seen them at Walmart and William Sonoma.  I'm not sure where my mother-in-law purchased these. 

My sister has a set of Weight Watcher measuring spoons, that I am hoping to get sometime soon.  We are celebrating Christmas with my sisters in a couple of weeks and if I don't get them then I will purchase them myself.  The large one measures 1 cup exactly, medium 1/2 cup and small one is 1/4 cup.  They will be so convenient when dishing out food especially for Bekah.  Right now I scoop the food in to a measuring cup and then in to her bowl or plate. 
 I'd love to hear about any other cool measuring tools that any of you have found to make carb counting easier or more fun =)

Monday, December 27, 2010

Christmas Joy (in photos)

 Excited for Christmas morning!

 We couldn't get him to open the rest of his stocking because he was so enamored with the "tandy tans"
 I'm thinking Bekah was just as excited as he was when the blanket came off of the workbench
 Look how happy she is with that doll (Our Generation by Target)
 Money is a tween girl's best friend =) (she used most of her loot to buy gifts for her buddies) My girl has a giving heart.
 Look at Bekah's face in the background.  She and Megan went together with the money we gave them to get him some Yu-gi-oh cards and they wrapped them each individually.  It took him quite a while to open. 
 Jason has been wanting to add some video options for his web clients and needed some lighting so that is what the kids got for him
 Who doesn't love princesses?!
 Megan lost her phone several weeks ago and was so excited to get a new one in orange (one of her favorite colors)
 As many of my friends posted, diabetes never gives us a break, even on Christmas (this was found after cleaning up most of the wrap etc)
 They match!  (thanks to a little shop I found on etsy)
 a closer photo of the pump pouch thanks to Penny for the suggestion and T and J designs for creating such a great thing.  I ordered a matching one for Bekah (see below-sorry for the blur).  Bekah has had a blast changing her doll's site and bolusing her for meals. 

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas Miracles

The last several years our family has been running a very tight ship.  We always have what we need and even when it doesn't look like we are going to have much to eat I will search though the freezer and find amazing things that I "forgot" were there like steak or salmon.  That's just how God is, He provides from His glorious riches and knows just what His children need at the time. 

Adding Christmas to an already barely-able-to-make-ends-meet income is a challenge.  In years past I have fretted and worried and God always came through even if it was the 11th hour most years.  One year our family was "adopted" by a local moms group.  That was a very humbling year and the one when I realized that God is really the One who provides every thing we have.  I have always known that truth in my head by heart knowledge is so much richer.  I have worried less and less each year as God has shown me that He can be trusted.  The next year there was an envelope with cash that showed up at our church that took care of our Christmas.  I don't remember all of the details from year to year just that each year it was nothing short of a miracle that allowed us to have packages under the tree for our children on Christmas morning. 

This year was the same way, a miraculous Christmas. I went in to this year with anticipation, excited to watch the miracle unfold because God has trained me to expect miracles and be watching for them. The miracle started with a gift card given to us for Thanksgiving and a friends and family coupon that gave us an extra 15-20% off of everything depending on the department.  I was able to fill all of the stockings with this gift.  Early in December and I had the stockings done.  That never happens.  Usually we are scrambling at the last minute with whatever monies are left to get some items to fill up those socks.  Next, my husband got a new client and an extra job.  This "extra" money allowed us to be able to shop for some items for the kids.  We had a budget and decided if we were going to scrimp anywhere it could be with David because he's still too little to really "get it".   We had wanted to get him a workbench and tool set.   Each one we found was a bit more money than we wanted to spend.  I have an affinity for wooden toys.  A wooden workbench was out of the question because they are more than twice as expensive as  the plastic one are.  I decided just for kicks to check out a consignment store.  It was not the one I usually frequent but thought I would check it out.  There it was a beautiful wooden workbench with the tools and everything.  (It even had a chainsaw, my husband loved that!)  It was half the price that we had budgeted for each of the kids!  Don't you just love how God works?! 

With David's gift out of the way and a little extra cushion for the other kids we decided that this year they needed to be given a few dollars to buy a gift for their siblings.  There are so many lessons that can be taught in that.  We gave them the cash and told them that when it was all said and done they needed to have a gift for each sibling and they could not pocket the change.  We let them loose in Target.  It was fun to watch as they would pair up to shop, I even let them wrap the gifts themselves.  They were so proud on Christmas morning as each sibling went to open the gift they had picked out.

This has been such a tough year for Bekah.  My heart wanted to get her something very special.  My dream was to get her a real American Girl doll that looked like her.  I looked on their website and filled up many imaginary shopping carts (one of the things I love about online shopping is that you can pretend you are buying something).  Once I paid for shipping and got some little glasses to match hers and ordered an insulin pump made for a doll, it was just going to be too expensive.  It was hard for me to let go of this dream, and I still am getting teary as I type this.  This is where my personality flaws probably come in to play.  I have an eye for quality and would much rather save for the real thing than have a cheap imitation.   I buy a lot of the kids clothes second hand because I would much rather have a second hand Gymboree outfit than a cheap Walmart knock off.  (I do buy them clothes from time to time at Walmart, I am not a total snob).  I took Bekah to Target and let her look around to give me some ideas for Christmas.  This little girl is not super picky and pretty easy to please so I knew if there was a package for her to open on Christmas morning that she would be happy with whatever was inside.  We found the Our Generation Dolls (they are a 15" doll that is almost identical to an AG).  She was in love!  There was one with a riding outfit and a beautiful horse that you could buy to go along with it.  I was able to get both the doll and the horse, an insulin pump for her doll, the glasses from AG, a matching pump pouch for Bekah and I still didn't pay what I would have for 1 lone AG doll.  Bekah LOVES her doll.  2 of my nieces got real AG dolls and I have to be honest and admit I am jealous and a tad bit angry.  (like I said personality flaws are showing here).  They didn't go through the hell that Bekah has this year!  They don't have to prick their finger 10 times a day or get shots or wear an insulin pump etc.  Life is not fair!  My thoughts then turned and realized what a spoiled brat I am.  I thought of my friends Charlie and Mel (I refer to them as my friends because I pray for them everyday but until two months ago didn't know who they were) who lost their precious daughter to dead in bed syndrome in late October and would have given anything to be able to spend Christmas with her let alone be able to give her a gift. Life indeed is not fair!

On with our miracle.  We got the older two kids something from their list and were set for Christmas when a very generous family member gave us a check.  We were told that this was NOT to be spent on a bill but to add to what we had already spent on the kids.  We went back to the store and had a blast picking out something else that would make their eyes light up with joy on Christmas morning.  David loves Toy Story and every where we go when he sees something Toy Story he yells "Buzz and Woody, Buzz and Woody" so he got a Buzz and Woody.  Bekah also loves princesses and was eying a set of Barbies dressed in princess attire.  The older two kids we just gave some cash to (what teenager doesn't love getting cash).  As I tucked the girls into bed last night they said to me "Mom this was the BEST Christmas EVER!" 

I got a Salter from my mother in law and some cash to spend on something for me from my other in-laws (we will celebrate with my family on Jan.15 as that was when my sisters could make the trip down, being together is far more important to all of us than giving or getting a gift) so I am a happy camper and even with out those things, I would have to agree that it was indeed the BEST Christmas EVER!  My favorite parts were our homeless outreach and watching my kids get so much joy from the gifts we were able to get for them.  Now I am praising God for the beautiful miracle He blessed us with this year!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Hotties for the Homeless

We started a new tradition in our family this year.  The idea was conceived as we were wrapping up a shopping trip at our local Costco.  I passed the winter aisle and grabbed a box of Hotties (hand warmers) and put them in the cart with the idea of taking the kids out during the chill of winter and finding homeless, or people working outdoors (like the Christmas bell ringers) to bless with some warmth. I know we don't have much but there are always people who are less fortunate than we are and I wanted to be able to give a little something to them.  My husband took it to a higher level as we were doing our Christmas decorating and he spied some old stockings we had in a box.  He decided that each of the six of us should fill a stocking and find a homeless person, close to Christmas, and bless them with this gift.  Jason decided that when we went to buy the stuff it would be on faith.  We wouldn't have a budget just trust God to provide what we needed for the stockings.  Yes this way of thinking is a bit reckless but I think that there are times when reckless faith is what God is calling us to.  There are stories of reckless faith all over the Bible.  Take David (and Goliath), Daniel, the three friends and the fiery furnace, any of the disciples etc.  I think there are times to be prudent and we are not to "test" God but if we feel called to something then by all means we need to trust with all that we have that God is going to work on our behalf to make it happen.  One thing the Timm family is not, is luke warm when it comes to our faith in Jesus Christ!

This week we headed to Walmart to obtain filling items for the stockings.  The kids had a blast!  We gave them guide lines but really left it up to them as to what they wanted to put in their stockings.  The girls decided to gear theirs toward women.  When we got home we spread all of the items out on the table.  It turned out that there was too much to go in a stocking so we put together a gift box to go along with each stocking. (In the gift boxes we put gloves, hats, socks, while the stockings contained toiletry items, a first aide kit, and food including some candy) 

Today we went out to find these people that we knew God had planned to recieve the gifts we put together.  The first place we found some homeless guys was under an over pass.  We found a safe place to park close by and Jason and Megan set out with their gifts in hand.  In a few minutes they came back to exchange Megan's gift for one of the gifts geared more towards a guy and headed back over with Josh.  I stayed in the car with David and Bekah as the traffic was kind of bad and I didn't want to take an unnecessary risk with the little guy and Bekah didn't want to get out in the cold.  We watch as Jason knelt down to the level where the homeless guys were sitting and looked them in the eye as he talked and prayed with them.  Jason and the kids were gone for several minutes before returning.  It was a beautiful sight and made my Christmas!  We had three stockings left to hand out.  We drove over to Portland, hoping to find at least one lady.  Just as we were about to give up we found a couple with a sign that read "hungry and cold" and we handed them each a stocking and gift as we drove by.  It was getting dark so we headed home and still have one lone stocking to give away tomorrow.  God knows who He wants to bless with this gift so we will wait and pray for her as we pray for our new friends that we met along the way today. 

Next year we are hoping to be able to do this on a larger scale.  It was an amazing experience and as I write this it is not to brag about how awesome and amazing my family is (well only about 10% is bragging ;) ) but to challenge others to reach outside of themselves.  There are so many people out there that could use some of God's love.  It doesn't take much.

Matthew 25:40  “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Merry Christmas

I wanted to take the time to write you all a Merry Christmas wish.  I chose not to participate in the DOC Christmas card exchange not because I am a scrooge, but because I wasn't sure if we would have the finances available.  It was probably more a lack of faith on my part as every time I have wanted to give, there has been money available even for something small.  God is so good to us and He knows my heart so I have no doubt that if I would have made this commitment that the funds would have been there. 

I chose instead though to say a prayer for each of you daily.  My prayer is that in the midst of the hustle and bustle of the shopping, baking, parties etc that you would have moments when you are overwhelmed by the joy of the season.  That the baby in a manger would be so real for you this Christmas season that your heart would leap in anticipation.  I pray that there would be at least one moment where you are sitting and quiet when God would reach down and touch you with His amazing love for you.  His love is why we celebrate!  Jesus is the reason for the season but more importantly, YOU are the reason for the season.  God was thinking of you when He sent His son to this earth and with out you there would be no reason to celebrate this precious gift.

I have grown to love you people that live inside my computer so much, thank you for being there and being my friends! 


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

$5 sprinkles

Today was candy train day for Bekah's class.  I have to say those teachers are brilliant!  They have the kids all chew sugar-free gum while building their trains. Much less sugar is put in their mouths that way, pure genius!  Bekah is so good about not eating anything with out approval that I knew I didn't have to worry but wanted to be there for this fun event not to hover and be a D-mom but to be a mom of a first grader on her holiday party day to pitch in and have fun.  It was fun!  I even took David his own little bag of treats. 

Each child brought in some candy and then it was all divided up and each one was given a little paper tub (the kind you get with your burger basket at some fast food joints) filled with candy. Our contribution to the mix of confections was sprinkles.  As I looked at the unthinkable number of carbs in those baskets, I took a deep breath and just enjoyed watching all of the kids have fun with it, knowing that tonight would probably be the BG roller coaster ride from hell. My guess is that even the most proficient of pancreata would have trouble SWAGging all of those carbs and bolusing accordingly.  After the fun was had and the locomotives were packaged up for their ride home, the kids went to PE.  Pre PE BG check was 214 (I couldn't get Bekah to wash her hands in the sink, she wanted to use a baby wipe and was pretty crabby about it) hmm crabby, red flag #1, as we walked to PE she began to cry, red flag #2, (I got Bekah to tell me that she had forgotten to put sprinkles on her train and that was what she was upset about) I asked Bekah if we should check her BG again, or did she feel low.  I got a big fat NO! red flag #3 I was able to calm the tears with a promise of sprinkles when we got home to add to the already oozing with simple sugars train. I took one look at her teacher and she nodded.  I love that we speak the same language, we both knew that 214 was hogwash.  No sooner were the kids sitting on their scooters than she had Bekah drinking a juice box "just in case".   Post PE # was 110.  Great job teach!

I had to run into Target for something real quick anyway so while Bekah was doing the PE thing I ran my errand.  I had a sleeping toddler in my arms so I was determined to make it quick.  Got my item and went on to find sprinkles.  I walked up and down the holiday aisles and then up and down the food aisles, no sprinkles.  Again I walk up and down the holiday aisles, panic is starting to hit as I think of Bekah's sad face and those big fat tears that were rolling down her face.  My heart is racing.  Then I think I shouldn't spoil her like this she needs to just suck it up, after all there was already enough candy on that train to choke a horse, why did she need more sugar.  That thought lasted about a second until I was almost in tears thinking about all she deals with every day, it's just sprinkles.  They have to be here somewhere!  I did not want to go in to another store and chance waking up my sweet sleeping little guy.  I chased down a clerk and she and I walked the aisles together.  Finally there they were on the end cap.  $5!!  I would not usually in my right mind pay $5 for a bottle of sprinkles.  This is my daughter and those big sad eyes came to mind again.  I probably would have paid $20 for that bottle if I had to.  Go ahead tell me I am spoiling her...

On another note the post illness insulin resistance has seemed to come to a halt.  Except for the 214, all her numbers today began with a 1! =)  (this is not medical advice) Here is what I did to get through it; temp basal increase during the day and correct, correct , correct through the night.  I was afraid to set a temp basal for night.  Her ISF probably needed to be adjusted too but again I am chicken when it comes to being too aggressive with this stuff.  I would rather check every hour and correct than to risk a low in the night while she is sleeping.  Thank you all for your advice!  Now that I have said it, the candy will probably send her in to a tail spin and numbers will go back up.  I did enjoy seeing those beautiful numbers today though.

And now for your viewing pleasure my little conductor creating her engine: 

Monday, December 13, 2010

Food issues...

I'm not sure what has been going on with Bekah's BG.  It seems like her insulin needs have changed since being sick.  I have been doing a temp basal increase during the day but have been afraid to mess with anything at night.  Her numbers at night have been crazy high though.  Last night we had a 274 at midnight that I did a correction for then Jason got a 326 at 3 AM, did a correction and then she was 333(with 0.0 ketones) when she woke up. (We have been seeing the same thing for a few nights now)  I had just done a site change the afternoon before that I knew was a good one and my instinct said not to change this one just yet.  I gave a correction bolus, fed her cheese and turkey peperoni for breakfast and upped that temp basal +100% (she has tiny basals).  By 9:30 she was down to 256 so I took her to school.  By lunch 182.  I'm not sure what to do tonight.  Temp basal??  To top it off David has decided he doesn't really need sleep until about 2 AM (hello chip off the old block) I'd love to hear any advice if you have any.  I think I will download her meter and fax the logs to our CDEs.  Since I am up with David anyway maybe a basal test is in order?? Is it possible that during this sickness the last little bits of insulin were sputtered out by her pancreas sending her out of the honeymoon?  I'm pulling my hair out and shaking my head.  Why is it that with D, A+B rarely = C?? 

On to the reason behind this blog, sorry for the rabbit trail.  Bekah wanted hot lunch today.  I checked out the nutritional information before I went to the school to get the carb counts.  They had substituted an item that had on the ingredient label strawberries and sugar and had no carb counts anywhere for this item.  I was beyond frusterated and hid my tears behind my hat and glasses as I SWAGged her lunch and gave her the appropriate bolus.  I came home to make a call and couldn't get a hold of the person in charge of the nutritional information so I wrote her an email. 

Hello xxxxxxxxx

I have a daughter in the first grade at xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  Elementary School who is a type one diabetic.  I'm not sure how much you know about the disease but it is imperative that all carbohydrates that she consumes be properly accounted for so that her insulin needs can be properly dosed.  If a person with type one diabetes is given too much insulin then they can go in to hypoglycemia which could lead to seizures or even death.  If they are not given enough then their blood sugar could rise causing other complications including DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis) which is the leading cause of death among type one diabetics.  Balancing blood sugar or blood glucose levels is not an easy task.  That being said let me give you a scenario from today. 

I go in to the school on the days that my daughter chooses to have hot lunch to help with her insulin dosing (I'm not sure ahead of time what she will eat and it puts less pressure on her and her teacher).  Today the menu was a pizza pocket, chilled fruit, salad and milk.  The nutritional information given to me was that pizza pocket with a carb count of 46.13 g, salad  3.47g, dressing .95g, pear canned in light syrup 9.52g and milk 22.59.  She was actually given a pizza pocket, cup of strawberries with sugar and chocolate milk (I allow this treat on her hot lunch days).  She chose not to eat the salad and I am ok with that because she eats lots of veggies at home (thank you for making it available).  As I calculate the carb count I enter 46g for pizza pocket, 27g for the chocolate milk and then I'm left with these strawberries with sugar and there is no carb count to be found.  I can guess at the strawberries and get a pretty accurate number but  I have no clue how much sugar is in said strawberries.  Are they lightly sugared to enhance flavor or is it more like jam in a cup (huge difference on carb counts)?  If I guess wrong then it could wreak havoc on my daughter's blood sugar levels which would then keep her from being in an optimal learning environment.  With either a low BG level or a high one, she can't concentrate and learn like she should.   So you see my dilemma? 

I don't know how to go about making this better but it needs to be better.  We do qualify for free lunch as at the time we are a low income family.  I can't trust the carb counts enough to allow her to eat hot lunch every day (plus a school lunch has higher carb counts than she should eat every day)  I make the sacrifices necessary to pack her lunch from home on most days so that I can control how many carbs she is consuming and know that her insulin is being dosed correctly. 

Thank you for your time in trying to problem solve through this issue.  

Her reply to me is as follows:

Hi, Heidi,
Please call me when you have a minute or two. My phone number is xxxxxxxxxxxxx I am sure we can make this situation work better for your daughter. 
The nutrient analysis is done for the general population.  The difference in the carb count in the milk is due to taking into account the district-wide weighted average for all milks consumed (this includes not only the non-fat chocolate but also non-fat and 1% white milk). 
I feel the answer is working together (you and I) to make accommodations for your daughter.  One idea is for us to provide individually packed fruit cups for her to have on those "chilled" fruit days which can vary widely. What do you think?
Please call!  Thanks....
I called her and we had a very pleasant conversation in which we agreed that she would have pre-portioned fruit cups available for Bekah when chilled fruit is on the menu.  In the past I might have been so worked up that I was afraid to call or would have bawled on the phone but I didn't.  I had my moment in the cafeteria (granted I had had very little sleep, a crazy morning and not taken the time to eat anything yet that day) but when I wrote the email and talked on the phone I was very calm yet determined.  I was able to collaborate with the district office to come to an amicable decision.  She is also going to mail me the nutritional menu every month from now on and when there is a nutritional label for something they will be serving she is going to make copies and send those as well.  In the end I got more than I went to the table to bargain for.  I am pleased that it went so well.  I was prepared to put on the bitch hat and get nasty if necessary.  I hope that if you are reading this and having the same or similar issues with your child's school that you will be encouraged to ask for what you want or need.  I was pleasantly surprised that it went as well as it did.   
And just because it is fun and food related here is a picture of Josh (my oldest) teaching Bekah how to make dinner (spaghetti).  

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Not sure what to think...

I'm sitting here trying to make sense of somethings.  My husband is a brilliant man.  He has never taken an official Mensa test but I'm pretty sure he would qualify if he did.  He is also very funny and fun to be around.  (Not the typical nerd, he's smart but has social skills if you get my drift)  He has had many different jobs and has a great skill set.  He does have a web hosting/design business that he runs from our home.  Since the recession has hit, it has not been enough to come close to paying the bills.  He took a part time teaching job last year and then was not hired back because they didn't have the budget for part time and he didn't have the seniority to get a full time slot.  He was going to try to put on a small business trade show of sorts and two weeks before the show, the place he had acquired for the even got sold and could no longer host said event.  Last month our biggest client, who was also the church that we had been attending, decided to go another direction for their web services.  This week my husband had an interview.   It seemed as if this company was not just interested in an interview, they were pursuing my husband as they sent an email and called to make sure they had his salary requirements etc up front.  The interview went beautifully!  We were hoping that since we have been out here in the desert for so long that we were finally going to get a drink of water.  We are ok with where God has us.  We know He will provide ALL that we need.  He is so faithful and we have never missed a meal and although it has gotten very close, we have made rent every month.  It would be nice to have some wiggle room though.  Jason was so positive when he came home from the interview.  He was pretty sure that he nailed it.  The guy he interviewed with said that he was making a decision by the end of the week.  Friday came and went, no call.  Jason decided that it would be appropriate to send a follow up email to thank this company for their consideration and their time.  He got a reply Saturday afternoon, he didn't get the job.  I'm trying to keep my head held high.  I'm trying to be positive about all of this,  reminding Jason how amazing he is and this is just not what God has in the cards for us right now.  Inside though I am feeling a little disillusioned, not with my husband or God, just with the whole situation.  I know God is bigger than all of this!  He has proven to us time and time again that He will take care of us. I have so many things to be thankful for but just for this moment, I needed a place to sort this all out.  A place where I know it is safe to say this is hard and some days I don't like it very much.  A place where in the wee hours of the morning I can just cry as I "vent" and my kids won't see this.  I don't try to be fake around them but they don't need to worry about this stuff.  They know we live a humble life and that things are tight but they don't have a clue just how tight they are.  It's their job to be kids and have fun! 

I don't even know how to wrap this up, I am kind of a mess right now.  I think I will go grab my Bible and at Jesus' feet for a while.  Thanks for listening...

Friday, December 10, 2010

JDRF Awards night

A couple of nights ago we attended the JDRF awards banquet in Portland.  We weren't sure if we would be able to attend because Bekah had been sick but her fever broke and symptoms were gone by noon.  Had she had a tummy bug, we wouldn't have gone.  A slight cold with a low grade fever is one thing but tummy bugs and D don't mix well and I would want other families to have the same consideration for us. 

It was a nice evening.  It still perplexes me that JDRF functions rarely have carb counts on the food.  They did do a nice job of keeping it fairly healthy (no pizza).  There was a huge veggie tray, meatballs, meat and cheese tray, spring rolls and a few other appetizer type things that are slipping my mind at the moment. 

Our team got an award for fund raising and I am now the proud owner of a golden sneaker award.  Bekah was so stinkin proud of the team award that she would NOT let go of it all night.  We have a friend who is in the process of choosing a pump and I wanted Bekah to show him her pump skin.  I tried taking the award out of her hands so she had both free to manipulate the zipper and pouch.  Um yeah, I got the look of all looks and she quickly grabbed the award out of my hand as I was retrieving it from her.  (My bad)  Bekah made me promise that we would hang it on the wall in her room.  Done!

Here is a photo of Bekah showing off her team award:

Monday, December 6, 2010

Playing nurse

 Disclamer: I am not a real nurse or doctor for that matter and this is not intended as medical advice.

I was in a rather deep slumber at 2:45AM this morning, when I heard a sweet small voice standing beside me "Mommy, I feel sick".  My eyes flew open and as my brain tried to catch up I went into triage mode.  "Do you feel low?  Are you going to throw up?"  No and no were her answers. I cuddled her in close to me.  She was HOT.  I tucked her into be next to me and ever so gently, I asked if she needed a drink and then if it would be ok for me to check her BG.  Lately, especially at night, asking Bekah to check her BG can send her into a melt down.  She longs for control over this blasted disease, she longs to be "normal" and not have to be a human pin cushion and at night the emotions come out.  I was going to check no matter what her answer was but if she said no then I would just wait until she was asleep and speak to her resting body to get her "permission".  BG checked out at 217 and ketones 0.3.  I gave a correction bolus, then I got her some diet 7-up and checked her temp 99.8.  Illness and D are new to us, heck D is pretty new to us so I handled this pretty much like I would if Bekah didn't have D.  There was added fear because illness has never scared me before.  I hate when my kids get sick but don't fear a hospital trip or worse.  In the past with fevers under 101 I let run their course.  I figure the fever is there for a reason and I don't want to prolong illness by covering up the fever.  A mild fever will keep my kids from being too active as well or thinking they are better when they need to rest.  Bekah hates taking any fever reducer and since she was under 101, I decided not to fight it and let it run it's course, checking every couple of hours to make sure it wasn't going to mysteriously spike.  We camped out on the couch watching movies and coloring, checking for ketones every 3 hours.  We got up to 0.6 and a temp basal increase knocked those ketones right out.  I love the blood ketone meter!  It makes having to check for ketones so easy!  I don't have to wait for her to have to pee and I can check when it's convenient with David (like when he is distracted with his toys).  I made what I now call sick day punch.  Crystal Light Hydration (it has vit C, B and A) mixed instead of with water, diet 7-up.  Bekah drank a TON of it today.  I also upped her vit D.  By 3PMish her fever was gone as were the ketones and she told me she felt better.  Whew!  I know that sick days won't always be this easy, don't get me wrong, I am exhausted from worry and lack of sleep but I am so glad we got through unscathed. 

Friday, December 3, 2010

504, done and done!

The 504 process was arduous.  I spent hours this summer researching and writing "the perfect (for my daughter)" 504.  I was then told it was being thrown out and we would start from scratch.  Frustrated much?  Oh yes!

We met and collaborated and a new draft was made.  To my pleasant surprise most of what I had written was still there word for word.  =)

We met on Monday and signed the final draft!  I'm so happy to put that baby to bed and know that Bekah is being properly cared for at school and I will get a call if things go awry.  I am hoping that my sweet little boy, who is currently napping in my arms, will be able to have (for the most part) a regular routine that he can rely on.