Friday, January 25, 2013

somedays are better than others...

Today was one of those days where I had a hard time staying positive and keeping a good attitude.  Bekah stayed home from school for the fourth day in a row because her teacher was out ill.  I was a little annoyed that I had to miss my exercise class becuase Bekah was home. Its hard to trust a substitute teacher to read the notes on Bekah and follow through with them.  I always leave it to Bekah and her comfort level of being at school on sub days.  This school year she has gone many times when her teacher is out.  This week not so much. 

 Megan had three panic attacks at school.  For her its similar to a T1 having 3 lows in a day.  They are unpredictable, unplanned, mess up her day and make her feel like crap.  Just like when Bekah is having a bad low I always feel helpless when Megan has a panic attack.  She was a trooper and able to make it through the school day.

When picking David up from school somehow the topic of food came up with the other moms and I mentioned that we have to measure everything Bekah eats.  One lady piped up "oh is she diabetic?  my dad has that but he is not on insulin"  I gently let her know that T1 and T2 are very different and clearly her dad has T2.  She wasn't buying it. Then another mom asked me "how I knew that Bekah was diabetic".  I told her that she had gotten really sick and in fact came pretty close to dying.  (after hearing about kids dying from going undiagnosed I don't want to be a drama queen but also don't want people to take this disease lightly) The mom with the T2 dad looked right at Bekah "Oh yeah you were just trying to get attention huh?"  She laughed and wondered why Bekah didn't find her joke funny. 

Maybe I am being silly but that comment made my blood boil.  Its so not funny that a child, my child, almost died, and T1 is so not funny.  I like to keep things positive but in my opinion her comment was so inappropriate and rude. I ignored it because I have been taught if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything.  So I didn't say anything.

I usually stand silently as I listen to the conversations that the other moms have as they wait to pick up their preschoolers.  Complaining about what a chore grocery shopping is or how much they spent on clothes for their growing child.  In my head I am thinking, "imagine adding carb counting to the shopping chore or meal planning for a T1".  "You think clothes are expensive,"  I think, "medical supplies to keep a T1 alive are way more expensive".  They don't get my world.  They can't get my world.  I didn't even get this world before I lived in it. 

These moms don't have teenagers in fact most of them have a baby under a year old and their preschooler is their oldest child.  These moms don't have a chronically ill child or even have a clue what it would be to miss their workout.  (ok now I am being snarky) 

I want to connect with these ladies but their world seems so superficial.  I want to be a "normal" mom but I am not.  That is not my life.  I have kids ranging from almost 18 down to almost 4 that in and of itself is odd and makes it hard for them to relate to me and me them.  Add in the anxiety/ depression that plagues my teens and T1 and my world is probably too much for them to even begin to comprehend.  

I guess I need to get over myself and try to understand their world to be able to connect.  I need to try to bring myself back to the day when the perfect Gymboree outfit with matching curly loops was my world.  These ladies will never be my BFFs.  My BFF has only one child and while she doesn't live in my world she works hard to try and understand it.  She is a rare breed and I am lucky to have her in my life!


  1. oh Heidi I understand completely. I have a neighbor who always says, "we're praying for you to get some rest and that Isaac's diabetes becomes easier to manage." How can one be so pissed about somebody praying for them, but every time I want to scream - it doesn't get "easier" and I won't get rest like you...but I don't I just smile and move on.
    And please don't be offended, but I've learned that being strong for our children and tough on acquaintances doesn't always help - especially if we ourselves struggle with depression and anxiety. Be honest, look at that lady and say, "yeah, I thought things like that were dramatic and funny too until the doctor put my child into the ICU and made it very clear that her life was hanging by a thread. Now I am thankful for the man who found insulin was the missing part for people with type 1 diabetes and I never take a fully functioning body for granted again. " It's not snarky, it's true. Then welcome them to your home, I've found that often when others see the work that goes in day after day they have a new insight and opinion.
    But really I want you to know that you're not alone in your feelings. Your struggles. Your frustrations. I am right there with you. It stinks. It does. All of it. We have a lot of mental health issues in my family (my sis and bio father) and now with medical things I realize that life is not guaranteed. I am sorry you're feeling like you can't connect, but truly your insight and life has a lot to teach others, remember that - you are an incredible mom and friend. ((HUGS))

  2. Heidi, her comment was completely inappropriate and I'm sorry you had such a garbage reaction from those ladies. Moms with only young children usually have it all figured out...until they don't. I know I sure did, and I'm sure by the time my kids are grown I'll still look back at my life and shake my head at my current arrogance. I have nothing by respect and awe at what you must deal with every day just to keep your sweet girl (and older kiddos) healthy. I love this post and I'm so glad you have a good BFF.