Who would have thought that the school cafeteria would drive me to tears?
Yes, I was blubbering in the school cafeteria today. There I was sitting next to my sweet girl who had been begging me to let her have "hot" lunch for days, with tears stinging my eyes. I lied and told her I needed to change my contacts because my eyes started burning. The reality was I had just gotten almost knocked on my butt by a huge wave of grief. As I looked around the cafeteria with all of the kids carefree and just enjoying their lunches, it hit me. Some of the kids would finish their food and some not and it was no big deal, for them. None of them cared how many carbs were in whatever they were eating while my Bekah was happily counting her grapes. I had just added up the carbs in said cafeteria meal, 86! I saw how happy she was to be able to enjoy this treat at the same time reality hit that even if there was someone at school to help her with everything when she eats "hot lunch" that it's not healthy for her to consume that many carbs on a regular basis. It made my heart ache to know I had to squelch some of her joy. It was one of those moments where no matter how badly I wanted for her to be able to be just a normal kid, she isn't and won't ever be. I decided to let her pick one day a week when she can eat "hot lunch" and I will go and help her with everything. I'm sure if I pushed I could get the school staff to take care of everything on those days as well but I'm just a little bit protective and it gives me an excuse to have lunch with my daughter once a week.
Now I would have thought that all of those carbs would have shot her BG to the moon. Nope, after dance class (they have dance as part of their arts block- PE, Art, Dance and Music) BG reading was 107. She had a snack and went joyfully off to music. As we stood by the door eating her cheese and crackers, waiting to go in to the music room, Bekah peaked in the window. "it looks so fun in there" she beamed! I took a deep breath. Another (much smaller) wave of grief, hating that she had to miss any of the fun to check her BG and eat a snack. (If her BG is under 120 at 2ish then she tends to go low on the bus ride home)