A Work in Progress...

Amazing puppy!

2012-02-15T09:36:00.000-08:00

Today I get to brag on my amazing puppy! This past weekend when my friend, Dee the dog trainer, was here we taught Sarah a specific alert. She gives us a paw when she smells a fluctuating blood glucose level. It's amazing to watch. She has been consistent and correct. Blows my mind and even being such an integral part of her training I can't explain how it works except to say that my dog is brilliant!

One of the things we did while Dee was here was take Sarah to an ADA expo. We weren't sure if it would be too much for her, she amazed us and did excellent. We had a booth set up to advertise and spread awareness for Guardian angel Service Dogs. Sarah would lay in a perfect down stay by my feet until she smelled something odd ( a high or low BG) then she would paw with one paw, then two paws, then she would put her paws on my shoulders at which point I would ask if the person I was talking to thought they might be high or low. One lady told me she is always in the three hundreds, another said they just treated a low, a couple of people were wearing CGMs that indicated either and up or down arrow. One lady was so fascinated that she got out her meter and checked her BG and got a 223. Good puppy!!

Even seeing her amazing skills at work there is a part of me that is still skeptical from time to time. Yesterday upon waking and being let out of her crate, Sarah immediately pawed me. She just wants a treat I thought. I praised her and had Bekah check her BG number. 188 Sarah then got a treat, good puppy! This morning I expected the same behavior of an immediate paw from Sarah upon waking. No paw alert came. Bekah's BG was 142.

This morning was a little more hectic than most at my house. My oldest son has a terrible sore throat causing him to double over each time he swallows (no drama there). My husband has a horrid case of veritgo. I had to cancel an appointment for Josh then schedule and appointment for a throat swab. I was on the phone with the pharmacy to see how much meclizine is safe for someone of Jason's weight to take in a 24 hour period (the meclizine doesn't do much for him though). Amid all of this I was also getting breakfast for the kids and getting Bekah's morning stuff taken care of (daily BG log filled out for her teacher, making her lunch etc) Oh yeah and Bekah's pump was almost out of insulin. She does do her own set changes but has to be mentally prepared for them. Since her BG was at 142 I decided to fill the pump and change the set after school. (Don't follow my example this is not really a good idea but it was what had to be done today.)

I gave Bekah her breakfast bolus and went about my activities. Sarah was in a down stay waiting for her breakfast. Bekah said "Mom every time I walk by Sarah she paws me". I thought and said "well you just ate, you must be going high" It was at that moment that Bekah realized she didn't eat her breakfast. (she is not much of a breakfast kid and although probably not the best option not the worst either, she eats 10 organic animal crackers every morning for breakfast and she gets them herself) If Sarah had not alerted Bekah would have forgotten to eat and could have had a devastating low blood glucose level at school. I am still in awe of my puppy as I am writing this! Our dog may have been expensive (we are still working hard at fundraising to pay for her) but she is worth her weight in gold. I believe that she saved Bekah from a possible seizure today and maybe even worse.

Tired...

2012-01-21T00:25:00.000-08:00

This is a post made in total exhaustion and if you are a Drent you get it. I just need to vent my swelly brain becuase right now all I can do is cry. I am so tired that I can't even sleep. I just keep crying. Have you ever been so tired that all you can do is cry? Not all days/weeks are like this and I try to always put a positive spin on things. This week has been the week of wonky blood sugars. One night I am up most of the night fighting lows, think about but don't actually make changes and the next night is every two hours checking BG and ketones and giving correction doses. Just as I am ready to pull the site her numbers go down and I want to hold on to any semblance that there might be some good numbers ahead. The day time numbers are great most all of them are in the 100s and rarely above 160. The nights alternate between low and high with no rhyme or reason as to why. I have had no more than 2 hours straight of sleep for over a week. I just want/need a break but diabetes doesn't ever take a break so I will press on and hope that I can get some much needed sleep tonight.

Perspective

2011-12-10T11:26:00.000-08:00

My perspective on some things has changed drastically this week. You may remember if you have been following my blog that back in April we gave in to our sixteen year old son's pleas for a puppy. A beautiful Border Collie/Aussie Shepherd mix became a part of our family and Kihembah (my son named her)quickly made her way in to our hearts. She was a high energy dog and as she grew did not tire easily making life with her challenging. Her endless energy and smarts (Border Collies are known to be as smart as a 3-4 year old human) found her getting herself in a world of trouble.

One of my most prized possessions is a wooden horse that my grandpa made for Josh for his 2nd birthday only a few months before my grandpa passed away. Recently Josh and Jason have been night owls and would still be up with the dog when I would go to bed. In the morning when I got up, on several occasions I found the horse with chew marks. I was more than a little miffed that our puppy had defaced this cherished heirloom.

I now have a different perspective on those chew marks. You see a couple of months ago our precious pup began having cluster grand mal seizures. She was put on meds and diagnosed with epilepsy. We heard many hopeful stories from many people who had experienced their dog having seizures or epilepsy and had lived a long life. Every two weeks the seizures would break through and she would have to go in and be sedated to break the cycle and then she'd come home a little listless but with in 24 hours would bounce back to her usual self. Then three weeks went by with no seizures. We were hopeful that we had finally gotten her medication dose down and life could go back to normal. (a new normal of making sure she got her meds every 12 hours which made having to plan our activities around her medication schedule, being a T1 family we are used to having to plan around medical stuff)

A few days ago, Jason was just getting ready to walk out the door to go teach his class at our local community college when Josh came in and told us that Kihembah was having another seizure. After the last time she had a seizure break through, we had gotten a prescription for a tranquilizer suppository that was supposed to help break the cycle and keep her from having to go to the vet. One dose didn't work nor did dose two and three so they packed her up and took her to the vet while I called Jason's boss to inform him of our current circumstances. In a 20 min period of time, Kihembah had about 8 seizures. At the vet they hooked her up to IVs giving her a stronger dose of tranquilizer along with more anti-seizure meds. This didn't work. Heavily sedated, the seizures did finally stop but then each time the vet would bring her out of sedation, the seizures would start again.

We were faced with a difficult decision. Do we keep her alive and keep her heavily sedated or do we have her put down and put her out of pain and misery? We decided that it was time to say goodbye. It was time to admit that we had tried our best and she was just too sick to keep her alive.

My husband did the tough deed. He went to the vet and signed the papers. Josh could not bare to see her again but Jason felt he owed her a proper goodbye. Jason went in and held her head, tearfully looking her in the eyes and had a heartfelt talk with her to let her know how much we loved her and were sorry that it had to come to this. I love him and respect him so much that he doesn't just take the easy road but will do the hard thing when it is necessary.

Those chew marks on our beloved wooden horse are now a thing of beauty. Not only do we have this memoir of my grandpa but there is a special addition where Kihembah left her mark. Now we get to remember two loves in our lives when we see this horse. (Josh and my grandpa were super close so the horse will forever be his)

Josh loved his dog and it has been heartbreaking for me as a mom to know I don't have anything to take his pain away. Its one of our jobs as mommies to make the booboos better and I can't fix this one.

RIP Kihembah

I chose this picture becuase it shows the relationship between my son and his pup and you can see the horse in the background

The D Fairy

2011-11-04T08:00:00.000-07:00

We D moms seem to be able to personify diabetes as if it has a personality or is watching us. I do sometimes feel as though there is this little invisible to the human eye fairy type that is watching and taking notes to report back to diabetes.

Last school year every time I went to Costco I would get a call or text with a BG issue. It wasn't just Costco, haircuts, photos of David all seemed to bring about pump issues or major BG issues. It seemed like every time I went somewhere there was diabetes trying to spoil my fun. I even left Bekah with my mom once to got shopping down the street at Target with my sister and Bekah's site fell out (or maybe it was ripped out by the D fairy).

This school year everything is going great. No major issues and I feel like I have a bit more freedom. This week our car insurance was canceled (hopefully it will be short lived). Yesterday Bekah's BG was in the 400s at the end of the day and I was tempted to break the law and go get her. I had the teacher do an EZBG correction in Bekah's pump and put her on the bus becuase I could take care of what I needed to at home. Today was the other end of the spectrum with a stubborn low that kept going lower. Bus was not a safe option. So I broke the law (shh don't tell on me) and went to get my girl. By the time I got there her number was back up to 120 and she was safe but the bus was gone by that time.

Have you spotted the D fairy in your life lately??

One of Those Days...

2011-11-03T09:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was "one of those days". It has actually been "one of those months" around here. October started out well. There was promise from clients and possible new clients of plenty of work to make ends meet. They all had stuff that came up so the work was elusive and so was the money. We found our selves at the end of October not having paid rent and our car insurance was cancelled. It was scary. Josh's dog has been diagnosed with a seizure disorder and most days it is controlled with medication but she began having seizures again as all of this other stuff was culminating. One seizure here or there is fine but cluster seizures could be her demise so we have to get them treated by the vet immediately. Megan also asked me to check her hair becuase it had been itching. Sure enough there were nits. (I loathe lice, those pesky little bugs bring me to my knees and make me feel so dirty and gross)

All we could do is deal with each crisis one at a time. We used the lice shampoo to kill the bugs and then dried her hair and used the lice gel to loosen the nits and combed through her hair with the metal fine tooth comb. We topped off the treatment by dying Megan's hair to create a hostile environment for the bugs so they would decide not to raise their babies in my baby's beautiful locks. I then cleaned like a crazed animal and put all of the stuffed animals in plastic bags so they could hibernate for a few weeks. Bedding will be placed in the hot dryer daily for at least 10 days. Luckily Megan was the only one who had head lice and hopefully they learned that they made their nest in the wrong house. This mama shut down their party and hopefully they will not coming knocking again!

Jason and Josh took care of his dog and got her to the vet where they gave her an IV and extra meds to stop the cluster. She is now doing fine and her daily meds have been changed to meet her needs better or so we hope.

We were able to get loans from friends and family and a grant from the school district for our October rent. Jason has lots of job opportunities now and might even end up in a career change (we will see how things play out).

I have been so meticulous with Bekah's care, logging and weighing etc. We had a couple of high A1Cs (8.2% and 8.0%) and since then I have been keeping very close track and making adjustments as soon as I see something out of whack. Bekah's numbers have been amazing! Her 7 day average was 147 with very few lows. It was a season when all was right with the world in the D category at least. I was happy that in all of the other stress I wasn't having to worry too much about D.

Well I think D was feeling a bit left out and needed some attention in the midst of our other crisis. No car insurance so I am trying not to drive but yes I will break the law to take care of my girl if necessary. At the end of the day I get a call from Bekah's teacher telling me the last check was 447. I decided that they should do an EZBG correction and put her on the bus becuase by the time I could get there, it would be time to go home anyway.

Once home we check for ketones and do another BG check. 400 with no ketones. I decided to changer her site becuase I couldn't think of any other reason that her number would be that high. Bekah is amazing. She usually pops those sites in like nothing. Every once in a while I will hear a little "ouch". This time we had tears and blood, lots of blood =(. It took a while for her to work up the guts to put another site in. She was adamant that she would do it herself. This time it was good. It took most of the evening but her number finally went down and she went to bed at 161. (of course we have an endo appt in a week so hopefully the hard work I have been doing was not just dumped down the drain with our high day)

In the end it's all going to work out but I think I have a few more grey hairs than I did a week ago.

My first encounter

2011-10-18T21:35:00.000-07:00

David is (do I dare even type it) almost completely potty trained. He went on a poop strike (10 days) so I put him back in diapers and decided he won and was not ready. Two weeks ago he randomly started taking his diaper off and going in the potty all on his own. Although I am not ready for my little one to grow up, I am so ready to be done with diapers, forever (or until Jason or I need them again in our very, very old age).

A couple of nights ago David had just done his business when he called for me "Hey mom come look at this MONSTER poop!" He admires his creations (GI docs would be proud). I applauded the work he had done and went to wipe him. (it wasn't big, just a lot and it looked pretty soft) As I threw the toilet paper in the toilet and began to flush simultaneously, he yelled "no not yet!" It was too late his glorious monster began to swirl down the drain. He was so angry at me, his face turned red and he screamed and screamed. His head spun around three times and snakes began shooting out of his eyes (ok that might be a bit dramatic but I seriously began to wonder if an exorcism was in order).

He was still sitting on the throne at this point so I went in and ever so gently wiped him clean so we could move the tantrum to a safer location. I looked in the toilet and saw blood on the paper. I felt my knees getting a bit weak. I wiped again, more blood. I coaxed him off of the toilet and had him bend over and then I saw it. Part of him was hanging out. It looked like a giant grape was trying to escape from his colon. I kind of freaked. You nurses are probably laughing at me. I had no idea what a hemorrhoid looked like. Luckily it went back inside before I could rush him to the ER. I did go visit his pediatrician today to make sure all was well. She didn't laugh but wasn't very concerned either. If it happens again or his poop gets firm or big then she'll prescribe something but for now he just got so upset he had a hemorrhoid.

I hope I never see another one and thought my first encounter with one would be on myself not my innocent two year old. He didn't complain about it hurting and hasn't complained since but I did learn my lesson to let the boy flush his own poop. (I hope you are not too grossed out and are laughing with me on this one, I had to post it for memory sake)

Dogs

2011-10-16T11:23:00.000-07:00

Two and a half years ago, our beautiful 10 yr old husky began having seizures. We took her to the vet and they gave us meds for her but unfortunately they did not work. It was a quick demise as the seizures got closer and closer together and a little part of her was gone with each one. We had her euthanized on February 10, 2009. She was such a part of the family and we grieved a big loss. God is good and decided to bring us joy in the midst of our grief and David arrived 3 weeks early on February 13, 2009 just three day later.

Fast forward to now. We have 2 new puppies living in our home, an 8 month old border collie/Australian shepherd mix that belongs to my son Josh and a 5 month old black lab that we are training to be a diabetic alert dog for Bekah. 2 nights ago at about 3 AM, Josh came running into my room in a panic saying his dog was having a seizure. It was a long day Saturday as poor Kihembah had 6 more seizures inside of 18 hours. We took her to the vet after the second one where they did blood and bile testing and sent her home. After 3 more seizures much closer together, Jason and Josh took her to the animal hospital.

My heart is aching as this experience is so reminiscent of when we lost our beloved Dakota and I feel so helpless. This is one of those things that I can not protect my son from. His poor little heart is breaking for his puppy.

The boys came home at about midnight last night and had decided to let the vet try giving her meds and observing her all night. If this doesn't work we can't afford to do more for her. We couldn't even afford to do that much but we have generous family that loaned us the money. The vet called this morning and said that Kihembah has not had a seizure in 12 hours and she is responding well to the medication. Thankfully anti-seizure meds for a dog are pretty cheap because she will have to be on them for the rest of her life.

In the midst of all of this stress, Sarah (Bekah's dog) has been my therapy. Most people think of labs as large dogs and for the most part they are. The breeder we went through breeds for scent recognition and size is not his goal. He is meticulous about his breeding protocol and for one reason or another many of his labs have ended up on the small end (50-60lbs full grown). Sarah was the runt of her litter and is still pretty small (24 lbs at 5 months old). She fits on one side of my lap so I can hold a child and the dog at the same time. We have been sitting and rocking and just petting our sweet dog. When Josh came home from the animal hospital he got Sarah and held her and played with her for a bit. I love that our sweet little mini-lab is helping all of us through this. She has a duel purpose indeed =)

This is the most recent photo I have of both of the puppies. They are resting nicely in their crates. Kihembeah is about 36 lbs so you can see that Sarah on the right is a petite little girl. (We love her that way, she has a big spirit and Bekah can pick her up plus she can share my lap with the kids) (the mess in the background is David in a box fort sleeping as well)

a moment of peace

2011-10-05T15:06:00.000-07:00

These three (8 month old Kihembah, 5 month old Sarah and 2 yr old David) are all constantly vying for my time and attention. Here they are pictured all sleeping in their own little "forts" (check out David behind the puppy crates) I was putting away groceries from Costco and David decided the boxes would make a great fort. At one point I looked around and said "David, where are you?" I did not see his little shoe poking out of the fort. A little voiced piped up "Nowhere". I love that kid! When I was done putting everything away I peeked inside and he was out like a light =) Last night he was playing with a stick horse and Jason said "I think maybe you need to put your stick away, you are getting a bit crazy with it" David replied matter-of-factly "Daddy, it is NOT a stick, it's a HORSE". (there is actually a stuffed horse head on the end so he has a point) Yes, my life is a bit crazy, but its my life and I love it!! =)

A brief moment...

2011-09-27T18:08:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe that I have found a brief moment to sit and purge a bit of the excess filling up my swelly brain. Life has been a whirlwind and at times a virtual tornado as I rip from one activity to the next trying as I might to keep up with my four active children who vary drastically in ages and stages of life. Add to that two rambunctious puppies and you might be able to understand why this break to sit in front of my screen and type to my hearts' content is a rare indulgence these days.

I miss my readers and your beautiful encouraging comments and I miss reading blogs and encouraging others. As for this season I hope you all can have grace and understand that you are not far from my thoughts and when I find the time I do pour over your blogs and love reading your thoughts.

Bekah started second grade just a few weeks ago. I am happy to say as I sat in that meeting this year before the first day of school with the teacher, nurse and principal that a tear or two might have run amuck down my cheeks but I did not sit and sob through the whole thing. I handled it in a cheery tone and I think it went well.

The school year has been going well. I have continued the communication sheets that I got from Reyna and they work awesome! Last year Bekah's teach was well versed on Diabetes care and how to creatively manage blood glucose levels. This year's teacher is a quick study who thinks on her feet and is a great communicator. Bekah and Mrs. B make a great team and I am happy to say that I have not felt anxious to run errands this year nor have I had to be at the school other than the first few days. (I like to be there doing copying etc for the teacher just to make sure that she gets it and that Bekah will speak up when she needs something ie. feels low)

I have had many inquiries about the dog. Our Sarah came from Warren Retrievers in Virginia and has an amazing temperament. She loves riding in the car. When Bekah gets out at school (Sarah nor Bekah are ready for the responsibility of having her at school) Sarah barks and then once the door closes she whines until we leave the parking lot and then is quiet the rest of the ride home. Sarah is a typical puppy and has challenges like yesterday when I found her on top of the table eating David's lunch. On top of scent training (that part almost comes naturally to her) we are service training Sarah. It is quite a challenge to take a strong willed, loud, creative toddler in public especially when I have the puppy with me. We do have a trainer that is amazing at what she does that comes out quarterly to work with us and Sarah.

Just a note about Sarah's alerting. She licks Bekah's face mostly to alert us to low and high BG levels. If she is in her crate Sarah will bark a high pitched ear piercing bark. Sarah has alerted to my mom who is a T2, a friend's son who came by to pick up some Lantus we didn't need, a man we came across at a car show who wanted to say hello to our puppy and me yes your read that right me. I am pre-diabetic (self diagnosed since we have no insurance for my husband and my self) I had GD, my mom is a T2, I am over weight and my fasting BGs are 105 on average. We had eaten dinner out and I had eaten a high carb meal (a rare thing for me). Sarah barked her alert bark at me as she stared me down then I took her out of her crate and she licked my face (she never licks me). I checked and sure enough my BG was 167 more than an hour postprandial. I'll be taking it easy on the bread sticks from now on.

Our puppy has proven to be a blessing in so many ways. She fits our family well and brings us lots of joy. We still have quite a ways to go to get her paid off. The whole process has been quite amazing. It has taught me a lot about myself.

David is awake now and wreaking havoc so I must bring this post to and end. Hopefully I will be able to update again soon. Much love,

I think I might be loosing my mind...

2011-08-18T18:12:00.000-07:00

Sorry I have been a bit MIA. Between puppy stuff and keeping a family of six healthy and happy and sort of clean, I have been busy! My two year old is going through a stage where he likes to get in your face and make the most annoying sound ever. He does it to all of us and he gets a reaction so he keeps it up. It's wearing on me (and everyone else as well and since I am the mom they think I have control over his antics so they whine to me about it).

Bekah is going through what I think may be a growth spurt. Her numbers have been scary high. No ketones (we check those often too) I am going to bare all here...7 day average is *gulp* 256 *gulp* I have changed sites and locations of sites, changed insulin and tweaked basal rates like a crazed honey badger and still Bekah's last check was 444. ACK! I am determined to get this (insert profanity) tamed! My plan is after doing more tweaks today (I am sticking with the 3 day rule) to see what tomorrow holds and if things are not better then making an appointment to have a bone scan done to see if early puberty is the culprit for making insulin act as water in the house.

On a positive note, I made a video to help raise money for Bekah's dog, Sarah. It turned out pretty cute I think except that the music track is a bit off.

missing my girl

2011-08-10T09:40:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning thinking it was Thursday and tomorrow I would get to see Bekah. Then realized it's only Wed and I have 2 more days to wait. I have been doing pretty good with her being gone until last night when I just wanted to cuddle with her. I dreamed that her BGs at camp got up in to the 600s.

Today I just keep thinking about her and wondering how her BGs have been. How did her site change go? Has she lost any sites, did I leave enough? I keep wondering if she is missing home or having the time of her life. Or a bit of both?

I have a ton of stuff to do today as the stomach flu finally made it to my husband and now he is better. Bathrooms, laundry general disinfecting are all on my agenda today. I think I will wash the car and try to reorganize the girls' room as well. (Bekah's bed is too high for Sarah to sleep with her so we have to come up with a solution...I'm thinking IKEA but that takes money so I'll let my creative juices flow and see what we can come up with) Sarah starts puppy kindergarten tonight as well. Hopefully all of that will keep me too busy to miss my girl too much.

D camp

2011-08-08T05:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, late morning, Bekah and I loaded up to meet one of her diabuddies and one of the most amazing D-moms I know. We girls along with another family rode the hour or so together to our local diabetes camp. We made a pit stop for a special treat lunch at McDs and got to camp just as registration began.

The girls picked their bunks and began setting up their little homes while we moms waited in the lines. Standing in line, I did feel a few butterflies from time to time becuase I knew in a couple of hours I would be leaving and my baby girl would be staying there. She has never been away from our family overnight. I knew though that she was in good hands.

I did pretty good and only had a few tears as we parted ways but my eyes were dry before we got too far down the road. A caffeine stop for us moms (Starbucks) and we headed home. I pulled in around 6:00ish, so it was a whole day event.

I have to be honest and tell you it is 4:45 AM and I can't sleep. I am missing my girl right now. I can't hear the slight snore of her breathing. I can't go check her BG to make sure she is ok. I don't get to see her sweet smile today. My arms ache to hug her and kiss her on the top of her head.

Here are a few photos I took of the day

Diabuddies!

look at that smile

one last shot before I left (bye Mom)

Looking at these photos puts my mind at ease knowing she is having a blast! I love that she gets to have the memories of camp. I never got to go to camp. I love that there is a place where diabetes is the norm for a few days. No one is going to ask awkward questions that she doesn't feel like answering becuase they all live this reality as well. Everyone will be checking their BG before meals and at bedtime. The counselors will be checking all of the kids BGs at midnight and 3AM. Bekah will be having too much fun to miss home much. I am not sure what the week holds for me yet but I will keep busy and try to get in some one on one time with my other kids.

a nasty bug

2011-08-06T08:37:00.000-07:00

Ever since Bekah was dx in March of 2010, I have been afraid of the stomach flu. I knew it could land her back in the hospital and I am not sure why that scares me, maybe because when she was at the hospital for dx we were close to losing her or the fact that illness brings on ketones and ketoacidosis is the number one cause of death in T1Ds. What ever the reason, the flu and T1D are scary (I'm pretty sure I am not alone in feeling this way).

We made it through "flu season" and she just happened to be absent on the two days when kids in her class threw up at school. I breathed a sigh of relief when school was out thinking I had until "flu season" again to worry about nasty tummy bugs.

Last weekend we had made a quick, last minute, trip to Tacoma to visit my sister and her family. After we got home, Megan began feeling icky. She is 13 and a bit dramatic so I just figured it was cramps becuase her period was coming. A few hours later she began puking. I still thought it was her period maybe mixed in with some car sickness until at 1:00 AM when David began puking. Being only 2 he had no idea what was going on so I just held him and let him spew all over me (sorry if you have a weak stomach). I knew I was probably a goner but I did take extra D and C along with probiotics to help boost my immune system (couldn't hurt).

I spent the day Monday and Tuesday disinfecting the house and washing all of the "sick" laundry. I was still hoping not to get sick and more than that hoping Bekah wouldn't get sick. Tuesday night I woke up in the middle of the night with my gut aching. Crap! I got sick (I'll spare you the details). I spent the entire day in bed on Wed. I did come down stairs to watch AGT (America's Got Talent) with the family.

In the middle of AGT, Bekah began to complain of a tummy ache. I knew we had some zofran that her pediatrician had prescribed before she had oral surgery last summer so I gave her one hoping it would do the trick. I was still feeling under the weather so I was amazingly calm as I decided to take her to my bed where we'd hang for the night. I got her up stairs and checked her BG 92 with 1.90 units IOB (0.0 ketones). Crap on a stick! I got the regular 7-up out and had her sip on that to keep her BG up and began to pray that some of the carbs she had eaten for dinner would begin to absorb or her liver would kick in some sugar.

I went down and grabbed the gluc and some pediatric syringes just in case. I decided that if she began puking and went low I wasn't going to mess with trying to get honey or frosting to absorb through her cheeks and gums I was just going to do the mini gluc and then call the endo on call. (I probably should have called as soon as she began getting sick so we were on the same page and had a plan in place but I didn't)

An hour or so later, the puking began. After each session I would check her BG and ketones. BG 96, 0.0 ketones; BG 98, 0.1 ketones; BG 115 0.1 ketones; BG 123 0.2 ketones. Then 2 hrs went by with no puking BG 223 0.8 ketones correction given. It seemed as if the worst was over (it was but I wasn't letting my guard down). A check every hour to two hours after that showed her BG stable and ketones going down. All day we just kept checking and correcting her BG and ketones (it never went above 230 with 0.8 ketones) as she sipped on G2 (low carb Gatorade).

Friday morning I was awoken to a smiling girl saying "good morning mommy I feel better today"! My heart was happy that we had made it through our first bad bug and my girl was doing well.

It could have been worse and I know many of my friends in the DOC have had much worse experiences with tummy bugs. In some way it is a relief to have that under my belt. I know I can make it through with out losing my marbles.

Camp starts tomorrow. Can I leave my baby girl for 5 nights with out losing my marbles?

Road trip, the final days

2011-08-05T07:33:00.000-07:00

Sorry it has taken me a while to get back to finishing up our road trip adventure. We got our puppy and were super busy with the trainer and then got plagued with the stomach flu. One at a time we dropped like flies. Luckily I was on the mend when Bekah got it so I could care for her. That is a blog for another day, now on to the finale of our road trip...

Yellowstone Natonal Park was our next destination. We spent the night in West Yellowstone and the next day touring the park. The sulfur and I did not get along well. As we approached Old Faithful, I began to feel achy and nauseated. I thought I was coming down with the flu. I began to panic with my first thoughts going to Bekah. Managing D on the road is tough enough but an illness and D was more than I could wrap my little brain around. As we left Old Faithful I began to feel better and then as we would approach spots along the road that had more sulfur, the symptoms would come back.

You'd never know how sick I was feeling just by looking at this photo of my sister and I by Old Faithful

Our stop for that night was Idaho Falls. On the way to the hotel from Yellow Stone, our transmission crapped out on us. We had 2nd gear so we eeeked our way to Idaho Falls to the hotel. The next morning was Saturday so many places were closed. After doing much research and brain racking we decided that the best option would be to rent a U-haul big enough to tow our car home and then rent another car to drive. Jason and Josh drove the U-haul and my dad decided to drive me and the other kids in the rented car. We could have traded off but he insisted on driving the whole time. We got home safe and our tranny was under warranty so we got it fixed with in a few days at no cost to us.

All in all our road trip was an amazing unforgettable experience! We had some good, bad and ugly all in the mix but that is what makes the adventure right?! I am so thankful to my parents for giving us such a great family gift to get to go on this trip! It was absolutely incredible!

Back to the road trip...Minnesota reunion for 4 days

2011-07-29T01:00:00.000-07:00

Only 3 hours of driving...woohoo!! We ended up in Osage, MN on Straight Lake where my dad grew up. My grandma, aunt, uncles, and cousins all joined us and we packed every one in tight. We had 3 cabins, one very large one and two tiny ones but we all seemed to have a bed to sleep on. My dad BBQd while we were there. Walleye, ribs, burgers and bacon. We all pitched in to help with food prep. It was a wonderful time! The kids played on the play ground and in the lake and had a blast!!

yummy, grandpa's BBQ

grandpa's ribs are finger lickin good

This was my first time managing D on the road other than day trips. I packed a ton of stuff too becuase you never know what is going to happen with D. We did temp basal increases for the time in the car. Our endo recommended for Bekah to go +110%. I was nervous, especially with no CGM but it worked like a charm. The challenge was then the activity once we got to the hotel with swimming and laughing with cousins we had a few lows before I had a plan. Bekah wore her pump in the pool and the lake and I wasn't sure if she would so I had a frio pack for it to go in to keep the insulin from getting skunky. I kept the extra insulin in a frio pack when we were on the road and put it in the fridge on the days we were at the cabin. I had Lantus and Novolog just in case of a pump malfunction.

Minnesota was a different ball game becuase the activity was constant so we did temp basal decreases of 60% (it wouldn't let me go lower becuase her basals are tiny) and then we had to wake her up for a juice most nights on top of it all (not low but 80s).

I chose to do my best to keep D in the background. I wanted Bekah to live and have fun and not have be the center of attention as I carefully weighed all of her food. I swagged every meal (and did great! sorry to brag but I was pretty proud). We just rolled with it the whole time. I had her kit with her at all times but didn't make a big deal of it.

the two Jasons just hangin

my grandma in the middle with 6 of her 8 grandkids

There was one time when Bekah was playing on a swing that hung from a tree when she hit the tree and her site pulled out. I felt terrible for her in that moment. The kids were all staring and worried (other than family) and wondering what was going on. Bekah hates attention so I nonchalantly answered their questions, cleaned up the blood and mess and she put in a new site. Then she went about her business playing.

There was one time when I thought I was going to pee my pants. I was the only adult at the playground watching David. Bekah's sugar stash was gone (didn't realize that) in her kit and she had a low. All I could do was put my 9 year old niece in charge of David ( and Bekah)and run back to get some sugar. I had to pee but didn't want to stop for that luxury (when your child is low and you gotta pee there are priorities and it doesn't matter how bad you have to go, peeing is not a priority at that momnet). Luckily my bladder held out until Jason got back from the store to check on me. It was close though.

While we were in Minnesota we went to a parade in Park Rapids. My uncle has a store selling pellet stoves and he had a float in the parade. He had restored my great grandpa's tractor and was driving that with some stoves on the back. It was a very fun small town event on the 4th of July.

Uncle Bob driving the rebuilt tractor

All 17 of us

The Plane is on the Ground

2011-07-27T06:07:00.000-07:00

We interrupt this road trip to bring you some current news. We picked up our pup on Monday night at PDX. The local news was there and they did a little story. I look like a total dweeb in part of it where I say "the plane is on the ground". My husband won't quit teasing me about it. He will randomly chat or text me "the plane is on the ground". He is not trying to be mean, he knows it'll make me laugh. I was so impressed at how well my shy girl did at talking to them and the edits they made to make her look like a pro! Unless you know her, you would have no idea how super shy she is. I wanted to share it here (many of you have already seen it on FB) along with some puppy love photos. Click here for the news story.

here comes Dee Boghetti our master trainer with Sarah in hand

hand feeding to create a good binding experience

Road trip day 5 (not so boring South Dakota)

2011-07-26T01:00:00.000-07:00

As we parted ways to go to our rooms on Day 4, my sister said, "oh yay we get to drive through boring South Dakota tomorrow." Day 5 our final destination was Fargo, ND. We got up and left at different times. One sister and her family wanted to stop at Wall Drug and the Corn Palace. The other sister's kids had not had much swim time so their goal was to get to the hotel as soon as possible so they could swim. My husband is a night owl and just wanted to take our time getting out of the hotel so he didn't get sleepy while driving. For our family stopping as little as possible is what works best. Once the two year old is out of his car seat then he is done and it is a fight to get him back in that seat.

I don't recall now what time we left the hotel, just that it was much later than I wanted to leave. My sisters had looked up the hotel the night before and seen that our next stop had not just a regular pool but a water park. I wanted the kids to get to swim too although they had had a lot of that since we started in the lead and stayed at an extra place along the route. I was grumpy and irritated and like any husband trying to appease his wife who was in a hurry to get where we were going, my husband put the pedal to the metal. We were traveling only a tad bit faster than traffic (going about 10 over) when we saw the lights and heard the siren behind us. Once pulled over the cop kindly asked my husband to step out of the car and follow him. It seemed like an eternity as I looked out the back window at not one but 3 cars, with drug sniffing dogs and the whole nine yards. Bekah starts crying. David is screaming to get out. A little more excitement than I would like.

Finally Jason returned to the car, ticket in hand. Apparently there is a drug ring out of Washington state traveling across the country smuggling drugs. It was the Washington plates that tipped the cop off and he was ecstatic to have pulled over a family from Washington and interrogate them. (I bet he got a bonus doughnut for that one) We were stopped for about 15-20 minutes total. (Remember that it is important later)

Determined not to speed anymore we set the cruise for 4 over so we could still make some progress. As we were traveling we could see the clouds getting darker. My sister sent me a text to turn on the radio. There were storm warnings that soon turned in to tornado warnings. We trudged ahead. My parents along with one sister were about an hour in front of us and my other sister was with in a couple of miles after they had to stop for 15 to 20 minutes for my nephew to poop.

We got to a place on the road where there were 6 semi trucks flipped over, one right after another. They all didn't even have emergency teams there yet. We missed the tornado/high winds by about 15 minutes. Chills?? I still have them when I think about it. $150 ticket might have saved our lives and poop saved my sister and her family.

Once we got to Fargo we all breathed a sigh of relief and gave my sister a bad time for calling South Dakota boring. The kids played for 2 hours in the pool. It was so fun!!


cousins after swimming

A storm chaser video taped some of the storm that we drove through click here to view it

Today is THE day!

2011-07-25T06:46:00.000-07:00

When I saw Meri's Lawton on her blog, the dream of having a diabetes alert dog for Bekah began. We still have a ways to go with fund raising and the company we have chosen to go through has been amazing.

Today Bekah turns 8! Today our new alert dog will arrive! Today we launch a website that my husband made for Bekah to help pay off her dog as well as educate and keep those who are curious up to date on our progress and life with our new service dog.

http://www.bekahssupersniffer.com

Stay tuned for many pictures and fun experiences with our pup! I will share here some but mostly doggie stuff will be shared on that site.

Road trip days 3 and 4

2011-07-24T07:18:00.000-07:00

(This post is picture heavy, I found my camera hiding in the stroller when we got home. I put it there in the Black Hills so this is where most of my photos are from)
We woke up in Butte, MT on the third day of our road trip and went downstairs for breakfast (we had free continental breakfast at each place we stayed and this one was a huge buffet). As Bekah was checking her BG I could feel the elderly man at the next table watching. In a minute he got up and came over and talked to us. "That's not new to me, I have had the sugar for many years. I was 43 this morning, plumb nearly passed out." (read with a not think drawl but slight southern accent) He was so cute and so sweet. (His wife was equally as cute and sweet) We talked D for quite some time. He was very interested in Bekah's pump and I gave him quite an education about it. He left excited to talk to his doctor about getting on a pump himself.

Today our mission was to drive to Keystone,WY. We got there in time to enjoy some delicious pizza along the "strip" in Keystone. I love the Old West atmosphere in Keystone. We stayed the night and spent the next day doing the tourist thing. Mt. Rushmore was first on the list and my brother-in-law is an 8th grade history teacher so we didn't just do the "hey looks it's 4 heads on the side of a mountain" thing. We went on the guided tour around the mountain and really got in to it. David was not really in to it so I skipped some of the tour to keep him from completely melting down.

Mt. Rushmore in all her glory

Megan is into planking (this is a bust of the creator of the beautiful detailed work on the mt)

Cousins resting

the Timm clan

our tour guide

Josh loves video editing so he was getting some footage

poor little bored guy

my little planker

Bekah posing for a photo op (I cut the heads off of the mt but got the important part, my girl ;) )

my parents with all 9 of their grand-kids

Bear Country was next. We started out seeing some random wildlife. Then we turned a corner and there were bears everywhere!

nice rack

oops I accidentally caught this guy relieving himself

bring on the bears

you'll have to excuse the quality these were taken through the widows in the car (I'm no fool)

a random bison

I could have watched the baby bears all day

pretty scenery all over

Next we hit downtown Keystone to do some window/souvenir shopping and get some dinner. We started at a buffet and saw the prices so we went across the street to Teddy's Deli. Best decision ever! The service at Teddy's was great and the Reuben was the very best I have ever had. Yummers!!

"honk" David had to honk Abe's nose

my brother-in-law and I enjoying the best Reuben either of have ever had

We were going to head to Mt. Crazy Horse next but got caught in a down pour and enjoyed watching the thunderstorm instead. The next morning at breakfast I spotted a teenager with a pump clipped to her jeans. Megan was mortified (she is 13 I guess it's allowed) that I got up and went to talk to this family. The mom was a bit caught off guard but was friendly none the less. Her daughter was dx 10 years ago. She assured me that packing and trips become second nature just like bolusing for a meal is now. I would have loved to share pics of those random D meet ups that we had but I didn't want to come across as a total freak so I kept my phone in my pocket. =)

Road trip

2011-07-23T05:02:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago today we returned from the most amazing road trip! 13 days prior to that 17 of us (my parents, my sisters and their families and our family) packed up and went about 1,800 miles to the lake my daddy grew up on, Straight Lake in Osage, MN for a family reunion and then back again. We had three vehicles, 2 mini vans and an SUV along with a U-Haul trailer to carry extra stuff. We made stops in Butte, MT and then spent a day in Keystone at Mt. Rushmore and the Black Hills. We stopped for the night again in Fargo and then hit our destination for 4 nights. Back on the road we stayed in Dickenson, ND, West Yellowstone stopping most of a day, Idaho Falls and back home.

I wish I would have taken more time to make notes so I could do a better job blogging it all. I will try over the next few weeks to throw in a bit here and there about our trip. One post won't do it justice.

My family of 6 had the most children in one vehicle and we decided to leave the night before everyone else and stop half way in Coeur d'alene. It was a great decision. We had spent the whole day packing and loading and the kids were excited to get going. We spent the late evening traveling across the state. This was good on so many levels because being the first leg it got the kids used to being in the car, it was night so they slept most of it and it made for a shorter trip the next day. The best part of staying in Coeur d'alene was that we got to have lunch with a dear friend whom I had not seen in about six or seven years.

I did not take any photos in this spot but I found this one on-line and I think this is the exact table where we sat and ate a picnic lunch at City Park.

After lunch we leisurely made our way to Butte, MT to meet up at the hotel with my parents, sisters and their families. It was a great start to what could have been an arduous day.

Happy Birthday Megan (11 days late)

2011-07-17T13:35:00.000-07:00

On July 6th, Megan turned 13! (I am a little late) We were driving through Bismark, ND on Megan's birthday and stopped to visit with my best friend and her family. They had cake and ice cream to celebrate Megan and a giant, singing balloon (it didn't last long as an extra passenger in our car becuase they girls felt squished sharing their car space). We enjoyed dinner together at Golden Corral (we lived in Florida for a short time and GC became one of their favorite places to go out to eat so ever since my kids have been searching for one and sadly there is not one close to us but they were so excited to find one along the way on our road trip)

I can't believe that I now have two teenagers.

Megan is turning in to an amazing lady, she is fun and creative!

Happy Birthday Megan, I am so proud of the woman you are becoming, your siblings are lucky to have such a fun, caring sister. I am glad God chose you for our family! I love you lots!

it's been too long

2011-07-14T14:53:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been so long since I have update my blog. I miss you guys! I have been wanting to blog about our trip but my camera got lost and it's just not the same to just tell you about it, I need to show you photos of the fun as well. (I am hoping it will turn up or my sisters will share their photos with me)

No sooner did we arrive home than the nesting started as I unpacked and did laundry and scrubbed floors, walls, and bathrooms to change gears and get ready for our pup. I have done about 20 loads of laundry this week (washed, dried and put snugly away), changed beds, bleached and magic eraser-ed walls, scrubbed bathrooms and linoleum, clean out and scrubbed the inside of the fridge, reorganized the playroom, cleared out a place for Sarah's crate, cleaned the carpets, pulled the cushions off the couches and vacuumed under them. Now I just need to get new burner pans for the clean stove and reorganize the pantry.

It may have been the arrival of the dog that motivated me but it was finally seeing the dirt that kept me going. We lost our dog and had David the same week (I always give myself a year of grace after having a baby to wait to deep clean as caring for and nursing a newborn are the priority). Only a few weeks after David turned one, diabetes came in to our world and I have been in a fog. I am not a slob by any stretch of the imagination but I have been happy to keep my house surface cleaned. I let the dust pile up under the couch and pretended it wasn't there (really I couldn't see it becuase I was so engulfed in diabetes and carb counts, insulin to carb ratios, basal rates etc). It feels so good to have a clean, really clean house.

It has also helped that my children have been busy with the trampoline that their grandma had set up as a surprise when we got home from our vacation. (no pics sorry, I miss my camera) The girls both have July birthdays so it was a combined gift for them and has proven to be just as much a gift for me. I am used to having a whiny toddler following me around preventing me from getting much done. Now he is out with one of the kids almost constantly bouncing and giggling. (I love my little guy but being able to have both arms free as I watch him have fun is nice)

Today we got a box in the mail from Sarah's breeder. It was quite large and contained treats galore, collars, a leash, a plethora of dog toys and a dog bed. It was packed with packing peanuts which are now scattered all over my house. My kids had a bast digging in to the box and taking out one item at a time to ooh and ahh over. Then they dove in the box and it became a car, a bus a train etc. Hours of fun were had. I love that it's just a little clutter on freshly cleaned carpet and will be simple to wisk the mess away and a clean house will remain.

I hope to update about our amazing vacay soon but for now I will just move forward with our doggy adventure. Super Sniffer Sarah will arrive in just 11 days.

our local news paper

2011-07-06T20:50:00.000-07:00

We are still on the road having an amazing trip of a lifetime. I will blog about it all when I get back to my computer and have a moment to process it all. I want to share with you an article that our local paper ran about our puppy that is being delivered on Bekah's 8th birthday! =) We still have more fundraising to do and have plans to work hard the rest of this summer and over the next year or so to pay off this precious pooch.

Here is the link:
http://www.columbian.com/news/2011/jul/04/dog-can-guard-girl-from-dangers-within/

Meet Sarah

2011-06-27T08:50:00.000-07:00

Our Diabetic Alert Dog has been selected and will be delivered the week of Bekah's birthday (7/25). Bekah chose the name Sarah. Sarah is Bekah's godmother and my best friend's name and one of Bekah's most favorite people in the world(she has an aunt Sara but it had to have an h just like Bekah). My friend Sarah was the only person other than myself that could get away with holding Bekah when she was a baby with out her crying or searching for me. When we had Bekah dedicated at church, Sarah held her and sang to her in front of the congregation. Sarah loves dogs and is honored to share her name with Bekah's new buddy.

We still have lots more fundraising to do! We were on an 8 month waiting list and somehow got selected 5 months prior to where I thought we were in the process. It feels like a new baby is coming home and there are so many preparations to make. Actually it reminds me of how I felt when David decided to enter the world 3.5 weeks earlier than his due date and 2 weeks before his scheduled C-section. I had not even had a pre-op appt. Ready, set, go I have a puppy to get ready for =)

Look at that sweet face. I can see Bekah's demeanor in her just from a photo! I'm in love!!

You can't catch me I'm the ginerbread man!

2011-06-24T07:47:00.000-07:00

I did it! I finished my 5K! I even ran part of it (mostly when the critters in the forest next to me rustled around). There was a big hill involved too.

And yes I was donning gingerbread man socks. I grabbed a pair of socks quickly in the dark as to not wake the two men sleeping in my bed (my husband and 2 year old...what were you thinking?? I am a D-mom remember, I don't have the time or energy for that much excitement besides my man is all I need. *wink* ) and they just happened to have gingerbread men on them.

I finished in 54 minutes (I didn't keep track of the seconds)!

I am determined to keep up my walking now. Maybe begin to wog and who knows maybe one day this mommy will be a runner too. (never like Reyna or her sister though, they are just pure awesomeness I think it runs in their blood)

Roses

2011-06-19T22:42:00.000-07:00

I had a wonderful meet up with the amazing Rose family Sunday. I'm sure Wendy, Denise and Chasiti will all do an amazing job of blogging about our meet up. It was a great time had by all. Sugar and Bekah became fast friends and had such a great time together. Wendy is every bit as amazing as you see in her blog!

mamas snapping photos

kids at the park

After I got home we went over and did a bit of yard work at my parents house. The color is finally beginning to erupt! Enjoy the photos they don't even come close to doing the yard justice but you can get a glimpse...

I just needed to watch you breathe...

2011-06-16T07:35:00.000-07:00

(this post was written last week but I forgot to publish it) On Monday morning the kids had late start (a delightful treat to sleep in on a Monday after a busy weekend full of SUNSHINE). As I went down to get my coffee I peeked in the girls' room. I can see Bekah in her bed from the door. I always stop to watch her breathe for just a moment before I can begin my day. This morning she had the covers pulled up to her chin and her face was buried so I could not see her breathing. I walked over and gently un-tucked her face. A deep morning wake up sigh was heard as she opened her beautiful blue eyes, "Good morning Mommy, is it time to get up?" I reply, "No honey I just needed to watch you breathe" She smiles a knowing smile as she drifts back into her slumber.

The need to see your child breathe for most people dissipates around their first birthday when the fear of SIDS is no longer relevant. With T1D there is uncertainty, a low BG could take them in the night. There is a rare complication known as Dead in Bed Syndrome. It's difficult to think about but the reality is there. I'm not sure there will ever be a day that passes when I don't need to watch her breathe, even if just for a moment.

Sale-a-palooza

2011-06-14T19:53:00.000-07:00

Shortly after our daughter was dx with T1D I heard about these amazing dogs that can sniff low and high blood sugars. My blogging friend Meri has one in fact for her boys. I did a little research and all I could come up with was that you had to be at least 12 years of age to be eligible to receive one of these dogs. I put the thought on the back burner but was anxious to get a diabetic alert dog as soon as Bekah turned 12.

One day I was surfing around ~~wasting time~~ on FB and saw that one of my friends had "liked" Warren Retrievers Diabetic Alert Dogs. This peaked my interest so I went to their web site and filled out a form to receive more information. With in an hour I got a phone call from Dan Warren (the owner of Warren Retrievers). We talked, and talked, and talked (mostly Dan talked-he likes to talk ;) ). He filled my head with so much information about his dogs that are bread via invitro fertilization for scent recognition and reassured me there is no age limit becuase diabetes has no age limit. I got off the phone and fell to my knees in prayer, "Lord if this is something you want for our family then please provide it for us"

We are a family of humble means and literally rely on God to get us through each month financially. I couldn't fathom the extra expense of a dog especially one of these capable canines. I knew though that where God guides He provides so I put it in His hands. Once we payed the down payment of $1,000 (given by my generous MIL) then the fundraising had to begin.

I brain stormed and thought that we could come up with a few hundred dollars if we put on a garage sale and maybe a little more if we added a bake sale component to it. Bekah loves doing lemonade stands so I thought we could set one up for her and maybe we'd get a few generous folks who can't resist the idea of her having a dog to help her with T1D (plus she is pretty darn cute).

I came up with a date and location. I knew that our house is a little off the beaten path so a place closer to a main road and probably bigger would be best. I called Rose, the sweet little 80+ year old that manages our grange hall and set it up. I made an events page on FB requesting items to be sold and then made flyers. I made them two sided and took the opportunity to spread awareness about T1D on one side. I took the flyers to the school and local businesses.

As the stuff came in, it be came apparent that we would probably need the grange for an extra day so we could set everything up and were pleasantly surprised that it was open. Again I just put it in God's hands and knew that He would bring the stuff and the people to buy it. Stuff came and came and came. We spent at least 14 hour hauling stuff from our house and setting it up on tables.

I fell in to bed the night before the sale and slept what felt like 5 minutes before getting up to gear up the next morning. Lucky for me adrenaline was making up for my lack of sleep (3 hrs I think was what I was running on). We set up signs, one of which was donated by a friend who does graphic design work.

9 AM came and people trickled in to our sale at a steady stream until 5 PM that night. We still had tons of stuff left over and if I were to do it again I would do a two day sale (although I am not sure I would have had the energy for another day). We went through 6 gallons of lemonade, many dozens of cookies, some coffee and several hot dogs (they were mostly for the workers but I made a sign for donations if anyone else wanted some).

Luckily there was a youth group having a sale in a couple of weeks that came and got almost everything that was left. We had a few treasures that we held aside to put on Craig's list and the rest got loaded up and donated to the youth sale. The clean up took many hours though. I don't think I have ever been so tired in my entire life!

My children were amazing! All of them well behaved (even D) and had a great time! On Friday evening a friend brought by a couple of bikes to donate and Bekah was getting bored so she found a helmet that someone else had donated and put it on. She took one of the bikes out in the parking lot (a two wheeler) and taught herself how to ride. She has not stopped for long ever since. (we had to keep that one) Both of my girls scored a whole new wardrobe in addition to a few treasures that I allowed them to keep.

David crashed on a crib mattress

There are really no words for how incredibly hard my husband worked. He is my hero!
On top of the physical labor, he talked up the dog to people and seeing this daddy's love for his daughter caused them to dig a little deeper in their pockets.

I know I am not doing this experience justice as I write about it. It really was one of those God times where your spirit just leads in step with God and He delivers in the most amazing ways! The people that came to help with both set up and clean up were perfect. They knew just what they needed to do and went to work. I can't thank them enough!!

Our babysitter (she is grown up now and hasn't babysat for us for a while) called her friends and 3 guys showed up to help load the boxes up for the youth group. One of these young men began asking about the dog and when Bekah was dx etc. His questions were too good for a regular man in his mid 20s to be asking. He knew what to ask and had lingo that only another diabetic would have. Turns out he was dx at age 5 and is an Animas pumper as well. We had a great conversation about D and what it was like for him growing up and how he manages it as a working man. It was neat to have a "same" experience in the midst of our sale.

Our sale brought in over $2 thousand (before selling the items on Craig's List) toward Bekah's diabetic alert dog. It's a nice start. We have about 2 years to pay off the total of the dog and it's training (and travel expenses for the trainer 3-4xs).

We are currently on a waiting list of about 6-8 months (depends on how many pups pass the scent test that they do at 9 days of age and how many litters are whelped). We should have our pup (12 weeks of age) around the first of 2011.

Here are a few more photos of the stuff that was donated:

some very nice kitchen appliances all in great shape and working order

a book worm's dream

shoes galore

Dan Warren saw this photo on FB and called me, he bought both saddles and took the amount plus shipping off the price of the dog (it cost $118 to ship these babies to Virginia) I hope he loves them!!

Lots of kid items

I took these photos on Friday and was way to busy Saturday to even think about taking pictures. We had 4 or 5 desks, 2 books shelves, a piano, a kitchen table and chairs, a Barbie power wheels, a few bikes, car wheel rims, etc., etc., etc. out side as well.

Partner in Care Awards

2011-06-06T18:58:00.000-07:00

Every year the Oregon chapter of the ADA gives out Partner in Care Awards. They sent us a form to fill out to nominate up to 5 people at our child's school that we felt were worthy of this award. Bekah has had exemplary care at school this year. It hasn't been perfect but I like to hi-light the positives and work to bring out the best in everyone. I wanted them to all know how much we appreciated their willingness to step up and just do an amazing job caring for our daughter. I came up with 6 and just put them all in hoping we would receive 6 awards. They came on Saturday in a big box! Inside were six envelopes that each contained an award certificate along with a lapel pin. Today we went and delivered them. It was so fun! Each one was touched and honored. I loved watching their faces even though it was just a cheesy little award! Here is the letter I wrote to the ADA.

Blank elementary school has proven to be a great place for my daughter who is a type one diabetic to receive the support she needs in dealing with her diabetes as well as giving her a great education.

Mrs.M her fist grade teacher, has taken it upon herself to do blood glucose checks in the class room so that Rebekah doesn’t miss much learning time dealing with these routine checks. Mrs. M is skilled in the art of managing blood glucose levels. She understands that it is not a science and is able to make the artistic tweaks of knowing when a snack or extra water and exercise may be needed. Mrs. M has worked very well with Rebekah's shy disposition and helped her gain confidence this year in her management of diabetes.

Mrs. Secretary has stepped up to help with Rebekah’s diabetes care when Mrs. M is unavailable and for the first several months of the school year did Rebekah’s lunch checks and boluses. Mrs. secretary is a kind caring person and always does a great job of making sure Rebekah’s needs are taken care of.

Mrs.B has also stepped up when Mrs. M is absent to help Rebekah not have to miss learning time. Her classroom is right next door and when Rebekah needs to check her blood glucose level in Mrs. M's absence, Mrs. B fills in. Mrs. B is also a very kind and caring person and it means a lot to me to have her as a back up right next door to Rebekah’s class room.

Ms. SB is the school counselor and has done a superb job of overseeing the 504 process. She was easy to work with and took our needs/desires for Rebekah very seriously and was able to compensate for them in a very well written 504 plan. She continues to check in to make sure everything is going well for Rebekah.

Mrs. D is the school nurse and even though she is only able to be at the school one day per week, does a great job of ensuring that Rebekah is getting the care and attention that she needs.

Mrs. F the principal, has been very supportive this year to help us get everything in place that we felt was necessary for Rebekah to be safe at school as she deals with her diabetes.

Overall we feel very fortunate to have Rebekah at Blank Elementary as the staff is kind,caring and able to managing Rebekah's diabetes while she is in their care with out making it a big deal. Rebekah is safe and able to feel like the other kids for the most part. She is never excluded from activities or made the center of attention because of her diabetes.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

2011-06-06T09:05:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thought that maybe your child's dx caused PTSD for you?

Yesterday I was biding my time in line at Costco by checking FB. I had a message from a very dear friend. The message stated that she was becoming increasingly concerned about the health of one of her children. A few months ago this child had a fainting spell which is believed to have been a hypoglycemic episode. This child does not have T1D. There were many details but the ones that stuck out to me were PALE, WEIGHT LOSS, TIRED, SHIVERS, AN UNEXPLAINED TUMMY ACHE.

A knot formed in my stomach and I could not wait to get though that line and out to my car which would be a more appropriate place for the conversation that I needed to have. I didn't get her and left a message. A very long drawn out rambling message I might add, becuase I just couldn't keep my thoughts straight. As I drove home, I was back in that place just hours before Bekah's dx. I wanted to run over to my friend and scoop her and her child up and put them in a safe place. I prayed, "Lord please help them find answers soon and please don't let it be what I think it is"

My friend has a few family members with T2D and was able to do a BG check on her child 1 hour postprandial and got a 123 whew! I breathed a sigh of relief when I read that in a message she sent me later. Then it hit me. I had gotten a little crazy over this family so dear to me having the slight possibility of a life changing dx. I hope through my craziness my friend saw and felt my love for her and her daughter first and foremost.

The invisible woman

2011-06-02T20:01:00.000-07:00

I have seen this sketch done by Nicole Johnson several times. I just watched it with new eyes, the eyes of a D-mom. I wanted to share it with you in hopes of bringing you some encouragement. You, my friends are building cathedrals and every BG check (especially in the middle of the night when you think no one cares) God takes notice of. Every decision you make to try to make euglycemic bliss happen, He takes notice. One day when you watch your child walk across the stage to receive a diploma or down the aisle to begin a new life it will all be worth the effort, the stress, the worry. I hope this sketch speaks to your heart as it just did mine...

lump in my throat

2011-06-01T20:42:00.000-07:00

I just got word today that Bekah qualified for a campership to attend camp. Tonight it is raining again and the kids and I are snuggled up on the couch watching Camp Rock. As I watch the camp scenes, I have a huge lump in my throat. We do everything together as a family. This summer some of Bekah's most unforgettable (I hope all amazing) memories will begin to be made with out our family. As much as we love and support her this disease called diabetes is her cross to bear and there will be time when we have to trust her or others to help her carry that cross. This summer will begin that journey. There will be six days where I have no clue what her numbers are and have to make a plan for each one. 6 days of no measuring or bolusing food. 5 nights of sleep that won't be interrupted by D. Yes it will be a nice break but I have to admit I am a tad bit scared. I am not scared of the camp not handling her diabetes well, that is what they do. I'm more scared of her getting homesick and wanting me to hold her or what if she has a night mare or wets the bed. She is so little and no one knows her like I do. She has a difficult time finding her voice to let others know what she needs. I know it will all be ok and it will be a great experience for us all in my head but my heart is a different story all together. Is my baby girl ready for this?? She is beyond excited and I know she will have a blast and experience "same" like she can in no other venue. Oh be still mommy heart of mine.

my new favorite song

2011-05-31T16:02:00.000-07:00

Have you heard the latest song from Peter Furler? He used to be with the group News Boys (one of my all time favorite groups) I love, love his voice. The style of this song reminds me of the 80's band Erasure (I was a big fan back in the day). Watch the lyrics they really speak to my heart. (you might have to watch it on youtube to get all of the lyrics, they keep getting cut off by my template.)

Rain and 50s

2011-05-30T08:26:00.000-07:00

You would think by the title of this blog post that it was going to be about the weather. It is a little. With the exception of just a day or two break here and there it has been raining nonstop for moths now. Can we get a break so the kids can at least get out and play? (enter here one of Reyna's eloquent FFS)

We are gearing up for our first official fundraiser to get Bekah's diabetes alert dog. The organization that we chose to go through actually breeds via invitro fertilization for scent recognition. When the pups are nine days of age they go through scent testing and only the ones that pass this rigorous test are sent on to be diabetes alert dogs the rest are used as family companions, hunting dogs etc. Canines of this capacity are not cheap. We are on the waiting list now and in about 8 or 9 months should have our puppy. In a couple of weeks we will be having a garage/bake sale to begin our fund raising endeavor. Our garage is filling up with donations made by friends and family to help with our sale. We brought the exercise trampoline in the house to keep it out of the way of the garage sale stuff.

It has been raining over this lovely three day weekend we are having so I didn't stop and think that a lower temp basal might be in order. Bekah is not super active especially when confined indoors. She must have been jumping on the exercise trampoline a lot more than I noticed becuase she had two BGs in the 50s through out the day. Lows are rare for her especially lows under 60. Bekah is very aware of her body and usually catches a dropping BG before it hits 70.

Last night the family was gearing up for a late night game of Catan. (we love strategy games) David was beginning to melt down and unlike my other kids needs to stick to the same schedule every night or he is a wreck for a few days. I decided that I would run up and get him down to sleep and then join in the game. I was exhausted and as I was lying with him, I fell asleep. The game commenced with out me. Our family tends to drift toward a swing shift schedule when there is no school for more than a day because my hubby is a night owl. They played until 2AM when Jason had Bekah check her BG 104 he thought that was a tad low for sleeping so he had her eat a Starburst and sent her to bed. He had some work to finish up and at 4 AM as he was walking up the stairs, he wasn't going to check Bekah's BG before retiring himself. (Night time lows are very, very rare for Bekah due to my fear of being aggressive with insulin at night, she actually tends to run a bit on the high side at night and she had just checked 2 hrs prior) Something just felt like he should. Her BG was 54. It took two juice boxes to bring her BG back up above 80. Thank-you Lord that Daddy's have good instincts too.

I have to say that my husband is pretty awesome as he has taken the night shift for me. At first he would just do the 3 AM check and has gained confidence in how to handle each number especially with the pump since he is a techy sort of guy. A few weeks ago when depression took over and I needed a reprieve, he took the midnight checks as well. With Bekah insulin seems to have a 3 hour staying power so I check to see when her last bolus was and set the kitchen timer for him for 3 hours later. It has been working well. I am getting more sleep and feeling better. He is up working anyway so it's not a big deal to take a quick break to check on Bekah. This wouldn't work for everyone but for us it does. Jason has always done his best work at night (swing shift would be ideal for him). He works mostly from home as a web developer (teaching a couple classes in between at the community college to help make ends meet).

A kerfuffle

2011-05-28T00:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had a bit of a kerfuffle (isn't that a great word) in regards to Bekah's care at school. It was mostly due to a misunderstanding and my girl wanting to be more independent than she is emotionally ready for.

In my previous post I was sharing my mama pride about how nonchalantly Bekah had become independent and was rockin' a temp basal all on her own accord. She goes through phases where she wants to take on a lot of her D care and then others where she wants me to do everything including going to get her meter for her. There is such a balance between feeling empowered and overwhelmed especially with the intensity of the tasks that it takes to manage diabetes.

The following morning as we were driving to school I remembered that I had forgotten to adjust her I:C ratio for lunch. She piped up that she could do it. I knew she didn't know how to do that but I walked her through the screens to get to the place where she could make the adjustment. I was having to grit my teeth through it becuase the lack of control was really getting to me. I know where it is and I have it neatly arranged in her pump and I was afraid she would mess it up. She did it perfect!

Just before we reached the school, my phone chimed in with a text message alert. As I pulled into the parking lot amongst the line up of cars, I glanced to see who it was from. It was Bekah's teacher letting me know that she would be out for the day. "do you want me to come to do your lunch bolus?" I asked. Bekah hates being put on the spot. "I don't know" was followed by a "no, I'll do it myself" in kind of a huffy tone. I reminded her that an adult needed to observe her do the bolus as she was bounding out of the car toward the playground.

As I drove home I felt conflicted. I didn't want her to feel smothered or like I didn't trust her by showing up nor did I want her to feel abandoned and overwhelmed if I didn't show. Something inside of me felt like I needed to be there. I made a plan to drop off some juice boxes at lunch time so I'd have an excuse to be there just in case my presence was seen as hovering.

At lunch time, I walked in the door of the school and signed in at the office. Just as I turned the corner I see wandering ALONE with her meter in hand, a very tearful Bekah. I scooped her up in my arms and gave quite an earful to the innocent teacher who happened to walk by. My thoughts went immediately to a couple that I had met just a few days before at an ADA symposium. Their daughter had been diagnosed in September just a few weeks after school started. They happen to be in the same school district as we are and share a nurse (with 3 other schools as well). This couple was in the throes of grief, stress etc and the school situation was about to drive them over the edge. I remembered full well why I was on the verge of having a nervous break down before this school year began. This couple relayed to me that one day just a few weeks prior (a good six months after dx) their daughter had been found lying down on the playground at school and was taken to the office, to the health room to lay down. Her blood sugar was not checked! The school staff thought she was probably tired becuase she had missed her snack. Hello!! There are some places our kids are not safe becuase of the ignorance out there! (yes they have a 504 in place but it doesn't get followed)

I took a deep breath through my tears and began to sort out with Bekah what had happened after first making sure her BGL was not low. About that time the substitute came walking up almost in a panic letting me know that she had been looking all over the lunch room for Bekah and she was no where to be found. This lady was so sweet! I couldn't stay angry with her. I quickly gave Bekah her bolus for lunch and sent her on her way. I then explained to the sub that there was just a misunderstanding. Apparently, Bekah thought I said, as she was getting out of the car, that I was coming to the school for lunch. She was wandering the hall looking for me. I am so glad I listened to my instinct!

The substitute told me that she volunteers at the local hospital and she was going to take the next class offered about diabetes. She seemed determined to make sure and learn what she knew she didn't know. I just wanted to hug her. She was not ignorant but knew that she didn't know much and knew that she needed to rely on others to help her to learn. She was concerned for Bekah's safety and wanted to make sure she had my number in case any thing else might come up.

On another note, changing the I:C for lunch was exactly what Bekah needed. Post lunch BG= 130...booya!

ode to a test strip

2011-05-26T21:24:00.000-07:00

I find you around my house like scattered confetti

Even though your are not perfect it's the numbers you produce that allow me to bolus spaghetti

One day I do hope for better technology

as you display my child's blood with no appology

(That is a far as I got, feel free to add lines in a comment and I will compile it all to make an Ode #2)

Woah Nelly!

2011-05-25T16:49:00.000-07:00

My girl is maturing before my eyes. Taking all of this d-stuff in stride (sometimes). Today her teacher text me "424, lots of tears she is drinking water and PE teacher will have her walk and not run". I was half way out the door already as I text back "on my way to check for ketones" (they have urine strips at the school but Bekah hates them.) We always use a toilet hat at home when we check ketones via urine but honestly since we have had our blood ketone meter, we have just done it with a finger prick.

I lug a sleeping David into the school to sign in and make a bee line for the gym. BG check shows 415 and ketones= 0.0 By the time I had gotten there the tears had subsided. No matter how I try to tell her that it's just a number, Bekah takes them all so personally and kind of feels like she has done something wrong when her number is high. (hmm I wonder if I am setting a bad example with those darn A1Cs, I tried not to let her see me cry on the way home from the Endo last time but she is an observer and I am sure she didn't miss it)

I already had a sneaking suspicion that her I:C ratio for lunch needed to be changed (she had been running HBG after lunch all week)and when I did the math: (pizza+fruit cup+chocolate milk = 83 g carb 1:18 ratio bolus was 4.6 HBG correction 2 hr later was .9 a 1:15 ratio would have given her .9 more) Once home her BG had gone down a bit but still needed a .55 correction as was above 300.

We did a site change and then on her own an hour later she checked her BG and told me, "mom my blood sugar is still over 300 so I set a temp basal of +60% for four hours, does that sound about right to you?"

Whoa Nelly!! When did she learn that? Is she 7? or 37??

Proud of my girl as I cry tears of sadness becuase she shouldn't have to know that!

The garden

2011-05-25T08:49:00.000-07:00

The pungent smell of lilacs fills my nostrils as beads of sweat form on my brow. Overhead a melody can be heard as a song bird serenades me. I feel the warmth of the sun on my back and a peace washes over me as I toil in the dirt. I feel closer to my maker working amongst His creation. I experience that He made this earth for us to enjoy not only by basking in it's beauty but by working the land as well. I treasure the magic of the moments spent in the garden.

Good Therapy

2011-05-19T19:27:00.000-07:00

As Bekah and I sat and looked over the May lunch menu, there was one whole week where she pleaded with me to be able to eat hot lunch every day. I let her indulge and it just happened to be the week after my dad ended up having surgery on his neck. I decided since I was going to be out and about doing Bekah's lunch blousing (I only go to the school when she eats hot lunch) that I would check on him each day. My mom was grateful as she had to work.

My dad's yard is a paradise of sorts in the summer. He keeps 90+ geraniums in pots in a green house all winter and brings them out in the spring (or almost summer which is the case this year), he has 250+ rose bushes (we lost count along time ago and he keeps adding more) a very large lot of grass along with some trees, lilacs and various other plants. My dad's yard has won awards and could easily be pictured in Better Homes and Gardens (I think his is better looking than most I have seen in that mag). I love to sit on the porch swing and just take it all in.

I knew with his surgery that my dad would be anxious to want to "get the yard done" but wouldn't be able to. I get my stubborn streak from him so I knew that he would either re-injure his neck or be depressed as he recovered which would make the recovery process arduous for both him and my mom. So I put on my work gloves each day and did some yard work.

Growing up my dad just did all of the yard work (to be honest I didn't have much interest in it) and since I have been married, we have lived mostly in places that came with yard maintenance. I got to do things this week I have never done before. I power washed (I love this! Everything gets so clean and shiny and it is just satisfying to look back and admire your handy work), I weeded with various tools (I had mostly done this by hand before), I used the weed wacker to edge the lawn (I almost killed myself as I got the chord wrapped in it and my edge looked a bit more like a serrated knife than a straight edge), I pruned and replanted and hung geraniums (pulling the 30+ baskets out of the green house gave me a great upper arm work out). Today I put in over 7 hours. I got burned by the glorious sun that finally decided to show it's face in the PNW and I am sore but it felt so good to give back to someone who has done so much for me.

This was just what I needed to pull me out of the funk I was in! I didn't even think about diabetes or numbers (except when I took a break to run to the school for a bolus). It was amazing therapy! I get to go back for more tomorrow (I think I'll wear some sun screen).

Here is a picture I found of David sitting in one small corner of my parents' yard and another of he and Bekah in another spot. (you only get a glimpse of the mini roses here, he has amazing climbers and various other varieties) I'll be sure to post some current pics when the yard is all in bloom (too bad I can add the smell).

Driving Miss Crazy

2011-05-19T07:02:00.000-07:00

When I was learning to drive, I HATED driving with my mom. She would have one hand clutching the e-brake and the other holding on to the dash for dear life. Her shrill screams as I approached stop signs and lights could be heard for miles. I swore I was going to get I an accident not becuase I wasn't being careful but becuase she scared the crap out of me when I didn't brake quick enough for her liking. I was NEVER going to be like that.

My oldest child now has his driving permit and I do have to say it is a little unnerving seeing my baby behind the wheel. I have a rule that he can't drive with the little ones in the car. This gets me out of most of the driving duties =). Honestly dealing with the antics of diabetes as well as a strong willed toddler are about as much stress as I can take so I am happy to let Jason take the reigns on this one. It's a sneaky way to get them to do some grocery shopping too =).

A few weeks ago, Josh and I were headed to his GI appointment and it was just him and I. With a twinkle in his eye, he said "can I drive?" I had no excuse to say no so I let him drive. I could feel my blood pressure rise as I sat down in the passengers seat. I took a deep breath and reminded myself I was NOT going to be like my mom. There were a couple of times that I closed my eyes and took a calming breath but no screams were heard from me. Then we crossed the bridge over to Portland. I dislike Portland traffic! The freeway narrows as a truck passes us. (Let's just say Josh has some lane centering issues. He is becoming a really good driver though) It happens "#$%@! $%#* @#$!% !!" is heard from my mouth, mind you I didn't scream them but I did see my life flash before my eyes for a brief moment. Josh chuckles a bit and says "Mom, I didn't know you knew those words". I think I might have a few more gray hairs but we survived the drive both to and from P-town that day.

I don't have any photos of Josh behind the wheel so I will leave you with one of Kihembah at puppy kindergarten. (our baby is growing up) She moves too much to get a good still shot.

Feeling the burn

2011-05-17T22:02:00.000-07:00

Yes I am feeling the burn (burn out that is). It happens to the best of us and while I try to be positive and take D in stride, there are just days when it bites you in the arse. So this is one of those posts that may be a little of a Debbie Downer. (that is your warning read on if you dare)

Today has been one of those days where every turn I am either reliving Bekah's dx day. Maybe it's the weather or the smells in the air but my head keeps going back to that looong drive home from the hospital when I left her in the PICU with Jason. Or those first few nights home from the hospital where I just laid in bed and watched her sleep. When my head is not there, I am rehashing conversations that I had with Jason's best friend David. I was so ignorant. I was one of those people that I get so frustrated with today. I didn't get why it was so hard to manage his blood sugar. A+B=C right?? If only I had seen this (Written by Shawn Reynolds) maybe I would have gotten it.

Diabetes is a day in and day out struggle, everyday is like an algebra final where not all exponents are definable A=age B=bloodsugar C=carbs D=dietary fibers E=exercise F=food (though a friend tonight thinks the "F" is for something else LOL) G=growth H= HELP? (support unit) or sometimes HIGH I=insulin K=ketones L=low O=oh shit S=sugar U=up all night X= whatever in the hell it wants to be.At this B how much I for this much F with this many C minus the D if there has been no E and if there is a miscalculation of the undefined X will you get an L or an H with H being the second participle which may result in a U when the G may or may not become a factor and will K come into the equation if I is +/ - the F.If there are any problems please feel free to narrow the equation to O H F U C K if it still doesn't make sense you are not one of my friends that have been affected by diabetes, but I LOVE YOU ALL REGARDLESS. There will be a new equation EVERYDAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, diabetes always pulls an X out of it's hat.

Today is just one of those days where the reality of diabetes is sobering to me and the weight of it feels heavy. Numbers get better then we fight lows, just as I am thinking about changing some basals, numbers go back up again. *sigh*

David woke up at 4AM sopping wet (in a diaper) and crabby as all get out. I'd be lying if I told you that I didn't once stop and think that I needed to check his BG. I didn't check though, I just concentrated on getting him back to sleep.

I believe that we as mom's set the tone of our home and it's my job to try to stay positive so this is where I come to dump the junk that gets in the way. Right now it feels like there is a mountain in my way and I don't know how to move it. While I am choosing joy, pressing in to joy and my kids would tell you that mom is still the same embarrassing, dancing in the kitchen or trying to sing (I can barely carry a tune but it makes them smile), I know the difference and today I feel the heavy weight of diabetes bringing me down.

Diabetes blog week (last day)

2011-05-15T07:39:00.000-07:00

Today is the last day of Dibetes blog week. Here is today's prompt:
"Last year, Wendy of Candy Hearts made a suggestion for this year. She commented “I think Day 7 should be a post about stuff we've learned from other blogs or the experience of coming together online...” Today, let’s do just that!! What have you learned from other blogs - either this week or since finding the D-OC? What has your experience of blogging the DBlog Week topics with other participants been like? What has finding the D-OC done for you? If you'd like, you can even look ahead and tell us what you think the future holds!"

I have to apologize. Diabetes blog week went by the way side for me. I had a bunch of post scheduled for each day this week. I knew that Thursday on, I would not be able to get blogs done so I wrote them up ahead of time and had scheduled them to post on each day. Well Blogger had a snafu as we all know and my posts were lost, gone, never to be seen again.

I had done a beautiful one on the good stuff that has come out of diabetes that will take me a while to re write. I will try to post it this week sometime. Maybe I'll do it different this time, we'll just have to see what comes out of my brain when I take the time to sit and rewrite it.

It's fun to get comments and I must apologize for not commenting more. I have been reading your blogs when I can and trying to get through as many posts as possible. I have decided that I will try after this week to leave well thought, encouraging comments more often.

In the last year since I found many of you, I have learned so much. I have learned that there are people who "get" my world. I have learned that 300s (and higher) happen and it's not something to get too worked up about. I have also learned that although still much scarier than my other children getting sick, I don't have to be deathly afraid of Rebekah getting sick. You have shown me tricks (not medical advice of course) that have gotten your children through tough spots and you came out of said situations with your sanity still intact. While I have learned lots of geeky stuff to fill my brain with (words like euglycemic and post prandial) and how to eloquently use swear words (hello Reyna <3). The thing I have gleaned the most from all of you is love and support. When things go well you are there cheering me on. When thing don't go so well, you are there to give me cyber hugs and encouragement. Thank-you for being my friends!

To get two post in one (yesterday was supposed to be photos) I will leave you with this photo that still stirs in me a ton of emotion

Diabetes Blog Week Day 4

2011-05-15T00:01:00.000-07:00

10 things I hate about you diabetes

1 I hate that you threaten my child's life on a daily basis

2 I hate that her life expectancy is shorter because of you

3 I hate that you make her feel so lousy

4 I hate that you don't let her "just be a kid"

5 I hate that you steal time away from her school day

6 I hate that some days our life revolves around you

7 I hate that she has to get "stuck" and see her blood multiple times a day

8 I hate that I will never again know what a full night of worry free sleep feels like

9 I hate that you never give us a break, ever

10 I hate that every single meal has to be a production of weighing, measuring and bolusing before any food can be consumed (I really hate measuring jelly for toast or PB sandwiches)

Diabetes Blog Week Day 3

2011-05-11T01:00:00.000-07:00

Today's topic is to write about bloopers. I think the nipple event in the previous post takes the cake but here is a little funny that happened to us the other day:

A few nights ago, I stumbled in to Bekah's room to check her BG. My husband usually does these late night/early morning checks but I have had a difficult time sleeping. Word of two more deaths of CWD and Hallie's story about Sweetpea in addition to our less than perfect A1C this time around has caused some very restless nights. As I went to poke Bekah's finger with "hokey pokey" she tried to roll back over on her hand. She was still very much asleep just in an active state of sleep. I got the poke done and squoze (Reyna's word) a bit obtaining the perfect size blood drop. I brought the meter with the strip towards her finger and as I approached, she reached over and wiped the blood on my shirt. Nice! Another poke and squeeze was had and again as I came in for the approach at just the correct angle to get a good BG reading (instead of an error 5) Bekah reached over and wiped the blood drop on my shirt. I began to think I was being punked. It took two more tries to get the BG reading I was trying for. I told Bekah the next morning about what happened and she didn't remember wiping blood on me but thought it was hilarious!

Diabetes Blog Week Day 2

2011-05-10T01:00:00.000-07:00

Day 2's topic is to write a letter and the criteria is "You can write a letter to diabetes if you’d like, but we can also take it one step further. How about writing a letter to a fictional (or not so fictional) endocrinologist telling the doctor what you love (or not) about them. How about a letter to a pretend (or again, not so pretend) meter or pump company telling them of the device of your dreams? Maybe you’d like to write a letter to your child with diabetes. Or a letter from your adult self to the d-child you were. Whomever you choose as a recipient, today is the day to tell them what you are feeling." Here is mine:

Dear (favorite CDE),
You have been there supporting us from the beginning. You were there with me the day my world was falling apart, not only was my daughter lying in the hospital bed next to me, emaciated from a disease that tried to take her life, but my husband was not able to help me physically or emotionally as he was so very sick. My other kids weren't fairing well and I distinctly remember as I was nursing David while trying to listen to the information you were giving me, he bit down hard and I thought I was going to loose both my mind and my nipple in one fell swoop. That is now a moment we can laugh about.

You, yourself have T1D and know first hand how difficult managing blood sugars can be. You have always been like a cheerleader for us. Every time I leave your office, I feel good about myself and my daughter. I know that Bekah can still live life to the fullest when I see you. You have a contagious joy about you and don't ever let diabetes get you down or so it seems from the out side. (I'm sure like all of us you have tough days too) You always share information with me in such a down to earth fashion and are confident in my ability to implement whatever it is you are teaching us at the time.

I also think you look like a grown up version of Bekah and the moment that you were leaving our hospital room will forever be etched in my memory. There you were standing at the bottom of Bekah's bed you looking at her and she looking back at you and this surreal feeling came over me as if my daughter was looking at her future self trying to sort this new life out.

I'm glad that we have you along our journey to stand beside us and give guidance. I am so glad that Bekah has you as an example to look to, and as those teen and adult years approach you will be the one influencing her and teaching her how to best take care of her body.

You are a ROCKSTAR! Keep being awesome!

Much love,

Diabetes Blog Week Day 1

2011-05-08T23:52:00.000-07:00

I started my blog just a few weeks before the Diabetes Blog week last year. That is when I found many of you and you found me too. <3

Today's post is on admiring the difference. I don't have a lot of words but I just want to say that it's those of you who are playing pancreas for babies that inspire me most. Whether it be 7, 12, 18 months even 2 years old. I play pancreas to a 7 year old who can both feel and articulate her lows. She is able to tell me (mostly) what and how much she will eat. My job is a challenge but, for those of you who can't second guess how much will be eaten and have to work around the grazing that toddlers do and having no clue where that blood sugar is with out checking constantly, I can't imagine. (And for those breast feeding, how do you swag a feeding??) Babies and toddlers are so unpredictable and can't be reasoned with. I am amazed by each of you! I know the fear is the same and counting and measuring carbohydrates is not easier for me but just the nature of a baby or toddler and what brain power and lack of sleep must go in to trying to second guess what is going to work to keep their blood sugar from crashing or skyrocketing is nothing short of amazing in my book. To those of you with babies who are fighting this awful disease, my hat is off to you!

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-07T09:22:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to some of the most amazing women and moms I have ever "met". I love you all! I hope your family spoils you and D behaves.

Now go check out Reyna's post becuase she says it way more eloquently than I ever could.

Good Wednesday

2011-05-04T10:00:00.000-07:00

Roselady from Diapeepees has a good Friday post each week. I am not promising a weekly post just yet but I do think I am going to join in her efforts some time soon. Today I just needed to think about something other than D.

Here is the quote from her Good Friday post "I know diabetes can get us down. So can lots of other stuff. And, it's soooo easy to blog about the bad times. But, you know what -- I love to read the good stuff so much more! So, I'm challenging myself every Friday to come up with three things that have made the week good. And, there's a double challenge -- to make those three things have nothing to do with diabetes -- because we can't let the diabetes get so big that we forget about life's other pleasures. Interested in joining me? If so, check out my post every Friday."

Here are my three all wrapped up in this photo

First of all, is there anything cuter than a toddler bottom in underwear?? (yes at home I let him run around in unders and a t-shirt- it saves on the laundry and time to get things out of the way for business to be done on the toilet) Because we get so much rain, the play structure is in the garage.

Secondly, he is doing great with potty training! I am keeping my fingers crossed that it keeps going this great! Bonus, I have a cheerleader every time I go now. The girls just said "good job Mommy" or something of the sorts but my little scientist has to investigate the evidence (he only looks don't worry). He has to see the "snakes I made" every time I go . He is sorely disappointed when it was just #1. Yes maybe this is TMI but you know you are going to think of my little guy next time you make "snakes". I think he has a future as a Gastroenterologist or a lab tech that takes care of stool samples (someone's gotta do it).

Third, he has an obsession with putting on socks, shoes too (mostly other people's ) in the photo he is wearing Daddy's socks. He'll put on multiple pair if I let him. Yesterday I was folding and putting away his laundry and he had 3 pair of his socks on before I noticed. Cracks me up!

Fourth, (because I felt like adding a 4th) now that he is well over two years old, I am working on weaning him. It is a bitter sweet thing. Instead of always nursing him to sleep, we dance now, to Perry Como's "Catch a Falling Star". I love to just sit and contemplate him after he has gone to sleep. I will hold him in my arms and just stare at his features knowing they are changing before my eyes.

Oh no here it comes, I am getting sentimental...

Not every A1C can be perfect...

2011-05-03T14:59:00.000-07:00

I went in to today's endo appointment knowing that it was not going to be pretty. I still cried on the way home. I cried becuase I feel like my daughter deserves better. I have read the studies and know what a higher A1C could mean for her future.

The most challenging job I have had is being a mom. (It's incredibly rewarding but challenging non the less) That was until I became a mama pancreas. Being a mama pancreas is tedious, meticulous and draining. Unlike being a mom, the rewards are few. It takes a completely selfless attitude as your life is poured out into calculations, ratios, factors and boluses 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with out a break, ever. I do all of this to my best ability for my daughter so that she doesn't have to do this stuff and so that she can live a long, full life ( I pray).

These last three months as a mama pancreas have been particularly challenging as Bekah came out of the honeymoon phase (where her pancreas was secreting some insulin). Her insulin needs increased. Each of her basal rates went up at least one notch and her I:C for dinner changed. On top of that she had a couple of colds, a raging ear infection, strep throat and some growth going on.

I had checked her 90 day average and got a 218 which would translate to an A1C of 9.2. I was pretty sure that it wasn't going to be that high but close. I went with the expectation of seeing an 8.6. Even her 7 day average was at a 207 so I knew the 7.2 we had seen last time was a thing of the past.

I left the endocrinologist office last time with an A1C of 7.2% hoping for a lower number at our next appointment. Unfortunately that was not the case today. 8.2% was what we left with. I know I did my best but I feel like my best was not good enough...

The long awaited letter

2011-05-01T22:59:00.000-07:00

I went to get the mail yesterday with a skip in my step as the sun was shining and it was a beautiful day! I grabbed the mail that was wrapped in an coupon clipper of sorts then closed and locked the mail door. As I was walking back to the house, I casually thumbed through the envelopes that were there. Suddenly my footing came to a halt. There it was addressed to the Parent or Guardian of David xxxx. The return address showed it was indeed from the trial-net study. I could feel my body all but split in to two people. One who wanted to tear that letter open and the other that was hesitant.

As my brain wondered what would be inside I could feel the tears well up. My thoughts quickly went to a family recently adding a second T1 daughter to their world. I took a deep breath and prayed, "Ok Lord, I know You and that You are good all of the time, even if this letter does not say what I want it to, what I hope it does, Lord I know you are still good and will see me, us, through whatever we must face. Right now Lord I need your grace."

My hands now trembling I decided to open the letter before I got to our driveway so if it was bad news I could just keep walking and my family would not have to see my first reaction to whatever was inside. I slowly ran my finger through the flap. "I really don't want to open this now," I thought. I devised a plan to hide it in the mail and pretend like it never came.

Yeah right, I wouldn't be able to walk past the stack of mail with out a knot in my stomach. I slowly opened the flap and took out the letter. By this time I felt like I wanted to just go puke somewhere. I could tell it was a form letter as I opened it. I read it once and then a second and third time to make sure it said what I thought it said. Basically it read that David has no detected antibodies at this time that show him to be at risk for T1D and they recommend that he be retested in a year. A smile came across my face and I breathed a sigh of relief. For now at least, we only have one diabetes diagnosis to deal with.

Ahoy there me hardies

2011-04-30T00:33:00.000-07:00

Well shiver me timbers, a bunch of skallywags told me today that if I learned to talk like them, I could be a pirate too. Bekah's class attended the musical version of "How I Became A Pirate" today. It was held in an ornate theater in P-town. D-behaved (mostly due to the strep throat Bekah is getting over so her numbers might have been on the low side but throw in that illness and numbers were a little above the range I like to see). All in all we had a great time! David got to spend the afternoon with grandma and grandpa (my parents). They don't often get to watch him because they both work. Mom is gearing up for retirement and taking more days off and Dad is suffering from a pain in the neck (not me) and waiting for surgery so he was home and happy to bide his time with his grandson.

Here are some pictures of the trip...

Mrs. M reading the book to the class while we waited for the buses

me and my girl, we are wearing matching flowers in our hair

Bekah and her best bud on the bus

this fine young lady is actually a chair, can you see her nose? it made from a faucet, good thing she didn't have post nasal drip (groan)

Don't look now but I think the sun might be shining

you actually get a better view when the very brief sun break went away this is in the ceiling at the theater


this is the set, they wouldn't let me take photos once the play started

It has been a while since my last post so I have a few things to update. Bekah's ears got re-examined and she was able to see the audiologist. The audiologist checked to make sure her ears were indeed healthy and not full of wax, then tested to make sure there was no hidden fluid in there. Bekah then went in to a sound proof booth and her hearing was tested. She passed! The only sound she couldn't hear was the lowest tone and that should not have an affect on her learning and gives us a base line if her hearing seem to get worse.

David is on the fast track to potty training. I really wanted to wait until summer to push the potty training. I hate potty training! If I could give my kids to someone else for a season that would be the one I would pick. Bekah was easy peasy but everything with Bekah has been easy peasy (except that she is my D kiddo). Josh and I went round and round and I thought I was going to have him graduating high school in diapers or lose my sanity or both. I made every mistake in the book. I screamed and yelled a little more than I am proud to say. With the girls I just let it go until they took the lead. I was planning on that with David. He took an interest at about 16 month old. 1 year olds pee too much for me to have the desire to go completely diaper free at that point. He has peed and pooped in the toilet many times, sometimes many times in one day but I had not bought any unders for him. He got some money for Easter and I went out and bought some unders with his Easter money. I counted our diaper stash on Wed and was down to 10 and really didn't have the money to go buy more. So out came the "underwears" on Thursday. He did fabulous! Only a couple of dribbles in the unders and then when he got tired one pee and that was on the kitchen floor so it was easy to clean up. He "made snakes" (poop) in the toilet and got lots of little prizes (candy from my low stash) for listening to his body and doing his business in the toilet. When I told him not to poop in his underwear, he said "that would be disgusting!" (keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn't try it) Today becuase he was at my parents house I put him in diapers so they didn't have to deal with the messes. Tomorrow the unders will be back on his little hiny. I'm not sure I am ready for him to be growing up so darn fast!

The puppy needs to learn a thing or two from David. She has not once pooped in the house but every time I take her out of her crate, she pees on me. I think it has to do with a tiny bladder and submissive peeing so I am using a towel to grab her or opening her crate door and calling her over to the door (she is in too much of a hurry to squat on the carpet). She will be going to puppy kindergarten soon so I am hoping we can work it out with the trainer then. Josh is still doing amazing with her. I need to get some new pictures becuase she is growing, fast!

Endo appt is next week. This one is not going to be fun. Ear infection followed by strep throat less than two weeks later. We have been cranking that temp basal but still having numbers in the 3 and sometimes 4 hundreds. I didn't like the A1C of 7.2% last time but I think that would be beautiful this time. Oh well, I can honestly say I have done my best. The other night Bekah's BG went down to 104 and I sat up checking every half and hour to make sure she didn't crash but wanted so badly, especially being that she is sick, for her BG to hang out there for a while. It stayed between 104 and 108 for a few hours and then went up to 112 and I decided to catch some sleep. An hour and a half later it was back up to 210. For a little while I have to hope that a lot of healing was taking place as her body was not having to fight HBG along with the infection. You win some, you loose some and this A1C probably won't be her best but Tuesday we get to wipe the slate clean (sort of) and hopefully spring will finally come and we can be out doors more and more active to keep those numbers in a healthy range.

I couldn't say it better...

2011-04-27T01:28:00.000-07:00

So many of my friends both IRL and around the DOC are going through struggles or have had some tough days as of late. You know who you are and this is for you. Thank you God for being there with each one to hold them through the darkness, the fear and the faith stretching things they are each facing.

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T01:00:00.000-07:00

What does Easter mean to me

2011-04-23T01:00:00.000-07:00

Easter to me is more than cute little bunnies and eggs made of chocolate. Easter to me is more than a day to feast on ham and celebrate spring. Easter to me is more than cute new spring dresses and suits. Easter to me is more than a Sunday to dress up and go to church.

Easter to me is a celebration of love. It's a day to remember the most love filled act ever done for me (and for you). You see God is crazy about me (you too). He loves me (and you) so much that He couldn't bare the thought of eternity with out me (or you) so He gave His one and only son so that I(we) might have a life eternal with Him. That when my days (yours too) on this earth come to and end, I (you) will be greeted in paradise and get to live there for all eternity with Him.

I am a good person. No matter how good I am though, I can never measure up to God's standard of perfection. To compensate for my imperfection, God sent Jesus who was perfect and He took the penalty of my sin on Himself, dying a brutal death on the cross. Then He overcame sin and death and miraculously rose from the dead.

This video may be a little hard to watch but it is a good picture of the reality of what happened. The whole time He was thinking about you (and me) and this act of love is one that no one can ever replicate

Jog-a-thon

2011-04-22T01:00:00.000-07:00

Bekah's school decided to do a jog-a thon as a fund raiser for the PTA. When I first got the information sheet that said she would be running for 20 min straight I started to panic. Then my self talk began (the good kind) "You can do this, you rock PE and the last illness, this is a piece of cake". Those of you with more active children than my docile little Bekah are probably busting a gut a the idea of 20 min of activity stressing me out. (it's ok, you have earned it) You live it EVERY-SINGLE-DAY. Bekah does play around and get pretty active with her siblings and the puppy but running for 20 min straight is a bit different.

Here is how it went down. Lunch bolus left 10 carbs uncovered. Check BG 30 min prior to jogging to make my plan. 222 was the # that the meter shared with me. A nice even number and now my plan was not to lower her basal but to check again right before the run and if she was above 200 then do nothing and below give juice. BG check exclaimed 210.

I was probably quite the sight as I walked in a zig zag pattern on the inside of the track with a toddler on one hip and a juice box in hand "chasing" my daughter around the track. We decided that she was to give me a thumbs down sign if she felt low. She ran 11 1/8 mile laps in 20 minutes and never needed the juice. A post exercise BG check showed a 108. Thank-you very much! I got a little cocky I think as I patted my self on the back. The kids each got a freezer pop when it was done (6g carb left uncovered to hopefully keep that 108 stable). I'm still thinking "heck yeah I rocked this". I headed back to the class room to return all of the supplies I had taken out to the field with me.

As I was about to walk out the door I decided we should do another BG check to see if she was going to need a snack before going home. 67...crap! (it had been less than 15 minutes and she had even eaten a freezer pop) I didn't rock it, I suck. Next time I will do something different not sure what but this didn't work as lovely as I had hoped. Luckily one treatment of 4 Starbursts brought it back up to a nice 104 and then I had her eat a 15 carb uncovered snack of cheese and crackers.

Unfortunately I was too busy playing pancreas to think about taking any pictures. The sun was out (mostly-we did get some sprinkles) and it was a fun event! David was super cute too as he cheered his sister on. "Go Bekah! Go Bekah!" was heard echoing out of David's mouth from the center of the track as we raced back and forth after our girl.

What do you do with that bunny?

2011-04-21T01:00:00.000-07:00

Easter was the first holiday post dx for our family last year. Jelly beans and chocolate bunnies among other confections have always made their way into Easter baskets and a part of Easter breakfast (Easter all daylong really) at our house. We had an education appt the week prior to Easter. I was quite concerned about what to do with Easter candy. Was it even allowed? The CDE said you just bolus for it and make sure that her hands don't have any sugar when you check her blood glucose level. Really? It's that simple?

I asked Bekah what 2 kinds of candy she wanted the Easter bunny to bring. Jelly beans and a chocolate bunny was her answer. The jelly beans I knew had 1g carb each and I could stash the rest for lows, but the bunny.....yikes! When my husband and I finally went shopping there were two sizes left the HUGE ones and the tiny ones. The practical me said get the tiny ones. We got the HUGE ones.

Easter morning came and the kids were thrilled with their bunnies (I wish I had a picture, they had the longest ears I have ever seen on a bunny). There was no way Bekah was going to eat the whole bunny or even half at one sitting so now what do we do with this bunny?? I didn't have a scale at the time and we were still on MDI.

I added up the total carbs in said bunny and becuase Bekah was on MDI and allowed some free 15 carb snacks I divided it by 15. I can't remember now how many I got but then I took a knife and made hash marks in equal sections so that each section was about 15 carbs. (I also didn't know about carb factors at the time either- I was very green)

This is kind of what Bekah's bunny looked like (hers was much more well endowed in the ear department though):

Bekah was able to enjoy her bunny and I didn't stress about it. Her BGs didin't seem to be to off, I think I SAWGed it pretty good especially for a newb =)

The game

2011-04-20T01:00:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you are all familiar with it. Running around the house, doing jumping jacks, bouncing on the trampoline, drinking lots of carb free fluids. The rules change but the objective is the same, getting that BG# < 200.

Last Friday, the school called informing me that Bekah's BG was 378 and she was looking like she wasn't feeling well. I went to pick her up and once we got home did another BG check obtaining a 410. We have rarely had site failures but this was definitely one. I checked her for ketones, and she had none. We changed the site and insulin, did a correction on that HBG and then I gave her the go ahead to RUN, JUMP and PLAY. We did BG checks every half an hour. We even did a temp basal increase of 50% for 4 hours. We corrected again and finally at 8:30 she was able to eat dinner.

As Bekah lives longer with T1D, I have found that I can be a little more restrictive about what and when she eats with out crushing her spirit. She doesn't feel as defeated when D tries to win the game anymore. She is stronger now and ready to take on the challenge. This was the first time that I said no carbs until BG is under 200. Normally when she has a HBG, I just keep fighting D and let her add fuel to the fire becuase she is a kid first and I don't want D to be too intrusive in her life. It usually takes close to 24 hrs to get that HBG down to where I'd like to see it when I play the game that way. It took longer than I had hoped but I am glad that I had her on my team this time as we worked together to get that number down.

Attention whore

2011-04-19T01:00:00.000-07:00

In my world D seems to be a bit of an attention whore. Every time I go somewhere or try to accomplish something with out focusing on D it has to pop out it's head and demand "look at me!"

I went to get my hair done and D took center stage, I took David to get pictures taken and D tried to mess up the fun. I could go on and on. It's become kind of a joke. I have come to expect a call from school when I go to Costco or try to meet a friend for coffee. If I stay home (where I am more likely to be thinking about D) then all is well. No pump problems, no weird BG numbers, no bolus questions, usually at home I get nothing.

Even my anniversary, my husband took me to a movie and I missed part of it standing in the lobby talking the gracious friend who was watching Bekah and David through a pump issue.

This week took the cake. D managed to not just annoy me with it's antics but it actually pissed me off a bit.

I have a dear friend who is going through a really rough time. I went over to her house to try to help, or even just listen to what was going on and let her vent. I just wanted to be there for my friend. The school called 2xs during the time I was there. I had to cut our visit short and go pick Bekah up from school. The me before D would have been there most of the day helping with kids, laundry, running errands and wouldn't have left until I knew there was a hot meal waiting for her family. Instead I could barely even concentrate on our conversation becuase I was worried about Bekah. My friend understands but she shouldn't have to. I am sick of everyone having to sacrifice because of this beast to manage disease!

I know I am not alone in this, most of my readers deal with the same stuff. I just needed a to vent. I feel better now, thanks!

The downside of making BG checks fun

2011-04-18T01:00:00.000-07:00

I always try to make things fun for my kids especially the not so fun stuff. I have made every effort to make BG checks more fun. I put pokers (with out the needle) and extra meters in the doctor kit for the kids to play with. Bekah got stickers and prizes at first to help ease the sting of those first several checks. We named the devices that we use, "hokey pokey", "mator the meter" and "tips the strips" are pictured above.

I had gestational D when I was pregnant with David. I keep an extra meter and a few strips around for me to check from time to time to keep tabs on my BG becuase having gestational D puts me at high risk for T2. (the ones pictured in the photo above are what I use, they are what Bekah used before switching to the pump and the One Touch system) I had been feeling particularly thirsty so I decided to check my BG. (I got a 117) I then walked away from the meter (I placed it back up on the counter which I thought that David couldn't reach) and went to go do something else leaving Josh doing dishes and David playing near by. I hear the two talking about something and it sounded interesting so I went in to check on them. Josh told me that he had looked over at David with the lancing device in his hand and his finger bleeding like crazy. David was insistent that he "check" so Josh helped him, obtaining an error message. (Josh has never wanted anything to do with BG checks and in fact is the only one of my children who had not been poked with "hokey pokey" and had his BG checked) He decided after watching David do it with tons of blood and no tears that it must not hurt so he was game to do a check. His check obtained a 92 from the meter. My big strong teenage guy was reeling a bit from the pain though. He couldn't believe that it really hurt that bad.

Lesson learned, my 2 year old can reach the counters now so it is important to make sure the meter is put away and not just left on the edge of the counter. It's not going to stop me from making the yucky stuff a little more fun though =)

I'm still here...

2011-04-16T21:02:00.000-07:00

I'm still here. The (dark, cloudy, very rainy) weather has me feeling down making it hard to even have the desire to blog. I am a NW girl through and through and love the rain but it is really getting to me. (I apologize for the Eeyore tone to this blog post, it's just where I am)

I did get all 4 kids in to the doc for various reasons this week.

David had a well child check. I mentioned my concerns with his BG (we have had a couple of fasting 130s but then every other time it has been in the low 90 or high 80s) and the night terrors. We decided to wait for the results from the trialnet study before doing any further testing. The night terrors seem to be linked to drinking cow's milk. Overall he checked out great!

Bekah had a recheck on the ear infection and it looked good so we scheduled an appt with the audiologist for Thursday. (I'll keep you posted)

Meg had another sore throat and turns out strep again. (that is the 3rd time this year) I thoroughly disinfected her room and every surface she had touched (the whole house), got new tooth brushes and tried and different family of antibiotics. I also kept her home from school for 2 extra days to rest so hopefully she won't relapse again.

Josh was back at the GI specialist for a follow up and he has been released! No more follow ups etc. His tummy issues are better. He took nexium for a couple of months and started drinking significantly more water.

I have to say that this year of seeing specialists for both Josh and Megan along with all of the trips in for strep throat and ear infections not to mention Bekah's stuff has me a little tired of doctor's offices. Gone are the days when I only see the doctor for well child visits. I didn't realize how good we had it. I took for granted having healthy kids. I know many of your kids see multiple specialist and I feel for you. It takes up so much of life to manage and continue to consult specialists when you have health challenges. I am so thankful though that we live in a place where we are able to see specialist to get the answers and help we need to keep our kids as healthy as possible.

Spring break wrap up

2011-04-10T11:31:00.000-07:00

Today is the last official day of spring break here for my kiddos. The weather has been crappy.(March we hit a record of 18 inches of rain for the month-I contemplated building a big boat to take me to some place sunny) This week we have had rain-lots of rain, hail, thunder and even a little snow. Friday though was glorious! When I pray for good weather, I always ask God for a sunny day with a few little puffy clouds in the sky. (Just one of my little quirks) I asked for at least one nice day over our spring break and we got it! Not one drop of rain fell on Friday. The sky was blue with just a few little puffy clouds and the temperature was in the upper 50s.(It could have been a bit warmer but I am NOT complaining) We spent a few hours at the park that day along running a few errands. (I didn't take any pics that day becuase I was too busy soaking up the fun and the sun)

We got to have some cousin time as my sister and her kids come to visit for a few days. We went over to CHAP (Children's Healing Art Project).

We found a new cool kids salon and David got his hair cut. One of my good friends did his first few cuts and then she moved to another state. I have taken him to a place (just a little nicer than Super Cuts) and didn't have good luck with the cowlicks. I researched and found a place tailored for kids that had recently opened on the other side of town. Bekah has been growing her hair out and I gave her the option of buying some new clips to keep her hair out of her eyes or getting it cut and she chose the clips. That was until she saw this cool place. She wanted in on the hair cut action as well. (She is super shy and doesn't like adults that she doesn't know well) She was totally in to it and even picked a new look from a book.

David loved the police car and he got to watch "Buzz and Woody" while getting his hairs cut

Here is Bekah before

and after =)

Miss Kihembah (pronounced kimba) took up most of our spring break. Josh is doing a great job with her. I have to say there is not much cuter than a 2 year old playing with a puppy. Border Collies and Australian Shepherds are herding dogs. Being a mix of both our little gal is a master herder at only 8 weeks old. At first we thought it was cute that she was herding David but now we realize that we need to nip this behavior in the bud. (pun intended) She is one smart puppy! She is pretty much house trained after a week. We only had one poopy in the house and that was in the first 24 hours after bringing her home. She has even rung the bell that we put on the door for her and then went out and made a poop in the yard. Good doggy! She has a tiny bladder and has trouble holding it from her crate (up in Josh's room) down the stairs and across the living room to out side. We carry her so we have been doing lots of laundry as well.

Josh taking a nap with his pup

Isn't she a cute pup?

Well tomorrow is back to the grind. I have enjoyed our lazy days of sleeping in and just hanging out. BG wise it's been quite odd and I think Bekah's pancreas may have kicked the bucket. There have been times when I thought she had come out of the honeymoon phase but I am quite convinced now. Since her ear infection she had one day of absolute bliss. BG levels went from 93-127 ALL day long. 24 hours of this, I thought we had reached some sort of BG nirvana. The next day was HBG all day long so I set a temp basal increase of 30% for 24 hrs and then again 24 hrs later. After three days of this and still having trouble keeping her BG numbers in a decent range I went in and pushed her basals all up a notch in the pump. We will ride this out for 3 days (tomorrow being day 3) and then begin doing some basal tests to see where her basal needs are falling right now. She could be growing,or that infection could be back. I guess it's mostly just watch and wait to see if her insulin needs are increasing.

Opening weekend!

2011-04-08T10:00:00.000-07:00

In February I was blessed to get invited to a sneak preview of the movie Soul Surfer. I did a blog on my review of the movie. (I was not paid or even asked to do the review. I did get to watch the movie for free and was given a t-shirt and a few other promo items) I wanted to re-post that review today because this is opening weekend. If you get the chance to hit the movie theater this weekend, make sure to watch this movie!

Last night, I was invited to attend a preview screening of the movie, "Soul Surfer", that comes out in theaters on April 8th. "Soul Surfer" is the story of Bethany Hamilton, a teen surfer who was heading toward a pro career when she was attacked by a shark and lost one of her arms.

The movie is the story of how Bethany and her family faced this trial and through their faith in Jesus, got back up again.

Helen Hunt plays Bethany's mother. As I watched this story unfold, there were so many parallels that I found in my own life as I have faced the dx of T1D in my daughter. Bekah didn't lose her arm in a shark attack and is not a surfer but she did lose the main function of her pancreas due to her own body's attack on itself and life as we knew it before, will never be the same. I bawled like a baby as I watched the ambulance carry Bethany to the hospital and her mom praying to God "please don't take her". There were so many phrases that Helen Hunt said in the movie that resonated with me as I have faced this past year and a new normal in our lives, in fact many of them I have said or thought myself.

There is a scene in the hospital cafeteria where you can see the struggle in Bethany's older brother that is so much my own son Joshua and how he has dealt with Bekah's dx and our new normal. Bethany's determination and fight, remind me a bit of Bekah. Bekah won't let me do a lot of her care because she is determined to do it herself. The strength the movie portrays Bethany as having, reminds me of Bekah and her strength and determination.

I don't want to give away the whole movie but I do encourage you to go see it and if you can, go to the opening weekend on April 8th. This is a beautiful movie that has an inspiring story and is appropriate for pretty much all ages. There is no gore or swearing and even the beach scenes are done modestly. Unlike a lot of movies with a Christian theme to them, this movie is not cheesy. If you are not a Bible thumping, Jesus lover, like me, I think you will still take away so much from this movie. Here is the trailer:

Spring Break

2011-04-04T01:00:00.000-07:00

It's spring break here for my kids! That means I'm taking the week off of blogging (and facebook) and I probably won't be reading or commenting on any blogs either. I am going to try to just shut down my computer for the week and hang out with my kids. Have a great week all!

But first meet our new pup

Happy Anniversary!

2011-04-03T01:00:00.000-07:00

April 3, 1992, I said "I do" to my best friend and the love of my life. It was the best decision I ever made. Here's a little montage of the last 22 years (we dated for 3 years before we got married) I'm sure you'll get a kick out of my hair (can you say big hair era). I have been with Jason longer than I was ever alive with out him. I am so thankful for such an amazing man to call mine!

I fooled 'em

2011-04-01T19:53:00.000-07:00

Happy April 1st! I wanted to share with you the lovely trick I played on my family. They were all unsuspecting becuase I had not been feeling well and I am not nearly as good at pulling pranks as my jovial husband. When dinner came around I served them this:

It looks innocent enough. A pot pie and a cupcake. Actually looks pretty good huh =) It was delicious! The trick was that the pot pie was pudding with starburst shaped into peas and carrots and hershey's cookies and cream bites as the "chicken" in a graham cracker crust covered with a regular pie crust and then baked. The cupcakes were actually meatloaf with mashed potatoes for the "frosting".

here is the pie before the top crust went on, you can see the yummy "carrots and peas"

once the crust is on, you never know what is inside

the final baked pies (they leaked a little so I probably filled them too full)

un-frosted cupcakes (meatloaf)

yummy pink "frosting" actually mashed potatoes

finished cupcakes

Now for Bekah's reaction (I had done this for the older kids before but they were awesome to keep quiet and go with my trick)

she has never had pot pie before and is actually kind of picky

first bite


yummy!

I hope you didn't fall for any April fools day pranks! Or if you did it was all in fun. Happy April fools day!

The pink backpack

2011-03-30T17:23:00.000-07:00

In our house we call it the pink back pack or diabetes bag. What is inside that pink bag we carry around with us? Let me show you.

Here is a better view of the contents

1 hand wipes 2 ketone strips 3 tissues 4 cake mate 5 glucose tabs 6 back-up meter 7 sugar stash (an empty crystal light container with a juice box and some smarties) 8 sugar stash #2 (an empty crystal light container with a juice box, starbursts and a couple of chocolates) 9 extra sites, alcohol wipes and test strips 10 syringes, extra lancets and an extra cartridge for the pump 11 sugar free Hawaiian Punch pouches

12 meter remote that works with pump 13 first aid kit 14 glucogon 15 lithium batteries for pump and meter

Depending on how long we are going to be out I will grab the insulin and throw it in a baggie and toss it in the bag as well. Sometimes I will grab a snack and toss in there too. (Usually it's a granola bar.) Or I will put a few snacks in a crystal light container and take out one of the sugar stashes.

Here is what the contents of some of the containers looks like:

I love using these containers becuase not only is it earth friendly (reuse) but I can mix and match the containers if we need to use another bag or Bekah prefers to take her purse. She is getting more grown up and a lot of times just wants to take her school purses with her. These containers are also very easy to grab and not have to go digging for sugar or other needed items and it keeps the stuff clean. Ever had a juice box collapse and leak all over your bag? Another good reason to use the containers.

Here is a photo of her school purses:

This is what usually goes inside those bags (depends on the day which bag is the favorite)

In here we have her meter with some starbursts an extra lancet and glucose tabs plus a sugar stash with a juice box and some smarties

I am ok with such a little amount being carried back and forth because in her classroom, the office and PE office is a large pencil box with extra sites, back-up meter, extra lancets, juice, snacks, extra strips, extra batteries and glucogon (there may be more I just don't remember right now-I will share them this summer as we are gearing up to go back to school) If one of her purses is the diabetes bag that she chooses and the pink backpack isn't going with us then of course the glucogon gets tossed in as well as the above supplies.

I am following the very cool gals Reyna, and Alexis who also did a blog and the awesome gals Hallie and Wendy who vlogged on the subject for this project. They would love your feed back as well. What is in your D bag?

It's a girl!

2011-03-29T16:28:00.000-07:00

My son, Josh has been wanting a dog for over a year now. It was the only thing on his Christmas list and we just couldn't do it. Emotionally we were still grieving our husky a bit and life with D was too new. As the mom, I am realistic as to whom will be taking care of said dog.

We got our husky when Megan was just a baby and Jason then left a few months later to attend school in Seattle during the week and was only home on weekends. I was stretched in so many ways! Many people wonder why I am as patient as I am, well lets just say between the husky and the baby my patient muscle was worked so hard that I almost lost my sanity. It was not pretty and so I have been extremely reluctant to get a puppy when I have a toddler to potty train etc.

As the year has progressed we have seen so much more responsibility in Josh that we think he can handle being responsible to take on the primary care for an animal. We also decided sometime in February that we wanted to proceed with getting a diabetes alert dog. There is a lot of time and energy that will go in to just obtaining this type of dog with the special training it will need. It is also a costly endeavor and we will need to do a lot of fund raising etc.

We didn't want Josh to feel like his desires came second to his sister, or that we were ok with getting a dog for her but not him. I never want my kids to feel like D is more important than they are. Yes diabetes has come in to our lives and some days rocks our world but we are all about living life to the fullest D or no D and that means that each and every family member feels respected and loved unconditionally.

Josh was hoping and praying that for his birthday he would get a dog. We decided that if he wanted to spend his birthday money on a dog that he could do that. Yesterday he went and picked out his dog from a litter of Australian shepherd-Collie mix that are almost weaned. He just decided to call her KIMBA (not sure of the spelling yet) and she gets to come live with us sometime this weekend. I am sure if you are a faithful reader of my blog you will get to read about the antics that this new little darling will bring in to our lives. Isn't she cute?? I am excited to meet her!

Audiologist postponed...

2011-03-28T08:58:00.000-07:00

Let me start this post by sharing the good of the weekend. The most wonderful thing happened! Since the time change, Mr. David has decided that midnight (sometimes later) is when he needs to go to sleep. It has been wearing on me. I usually am up until then but am used to having a few minutes to unwind sans children before I do the midnight BG check and head off to slumberland. Friday, I could tell I needed sleep. I was way more emotional and sensitive than usual (Reyna you saw a bit of it). At 10:00 on Friday night I asked my husband if he minded trying to get David to sleep or at least letting me take a nap until David was ready. At 10:30PM my head hit the pillow and I remember nothing (I don't even think I moved) until my eyes opened at 7:30AM. I felt amazing! I think I had forgotten what it feels like to wake up rested. I think it had been since before I was pregnant with David that I had gotten 9 hours of sleep in one sitting. What an awesome hubby I have!

Saturday about mid-day Bekah complained to me that her ear hurt. I had a big sense of relief as I figured that maybe this was why she had not passed her hearing screening last week. She still seemed to be in good spirits and we went to CHAP. We saw Denise (of my sweetest boy) and her boys and had a blast jumping with painted feet on a mattress. I came home with paint on my rear (and paint on my car seat because I was unaware that I had sat in paint). My purse joined in the action too, I think I set it down on the chair I had been sitting in. It was a blast none the less and a little paint in unexpected places won't keep us away.

As we were at CHAP Bekah began to sort of fade. It was pretty obvious that she wasn't feeling well. When we got home she just laid on the couch and her ear began to drain a bit. I didin't want to take her to the ER just then so I thought I'd see how the night would go. I just tried to keep her comfortable and did frequent BG and ketone checks. Here is what our night looked like: (ketones were always at 0.1)

I had started giving her Ibuprophin before I took her temp so I had to wait and took her temp around noon. Her temp was 100.1 and I had done a temp basal increase at first to +30% and then I upped it to +70%. I called our clinic's same day services to see if there was a pediatrician working and sure enough there was so off we went to the doc. (I am so thankful that I was able to take her to the clinic on a Sunday instead of having to wait or going to the ER)

My poor girl had so much wax in there, the doc couldn't see what was going on. There was a bit of miscommunication at first and the doc was digging in the wrong ear. Bekah has white earwax (it looks a bit like cotton) and it was pretty well attached to the ear canal. By the time we left Bekah was in tears becuase the other ear was more sore than the one we had gone in to be seen about. Given her other symptoms, the doc decided that an antibiotic (both oral and drops) was in order.

Bekah was hungry and hadn't eaten much all day so we stopped at Subway. She is not much of a sandwich kid so I let her just get some Sunchips and a light lemonade. Her BG was 235 so I did a correction and I bloused her for the 30g of carb and then she s l o w l y ate some of the chips. We headed to Target to pick up her script. She had only eaten half of the bag of chips so I decided that I'd watch her demeanor and give her a juice box if I deemed necessary. I thought we would be quick and back to the car in just a couple of minutes. It took a little longer than I had expected and at one point Bekah said she needed to sit down. I immediately gave her the juice box. She said she didn't feel low. I made her drink it anyway. As soon as we walked out the door of Target, she began to puke. (at least it was in the parking lot) CRAP!

I just stood there with her until she was done emptying the contents of her stomach and then calmly (on the outside) escorted her to the car. I did not have any thing to wash her hands with to get a good BG reading so I raced home and got her comfortable on the couch. As I was driving I was going over in my head the glucogon protocol and the mini glucogon protocol. I was ready with the honey to massage on her gums as she was busy checking her BG level...5,4,3,2... 190. Whew! I knew we weren't completely out of the woods so I turned off the temp basal increase and checked again in an hour and got 107. Then again in an hour 108, hour later 178. Deep sigh of relief. At bedtime her BG had skyrocketed up to a 294 so I did another temp basal increase. It was nice then to see numbers the rest of the night that began with a 1.

Needless to say, going to the audiologist on Tuesday would be unproductive. I have postponed the appointment until after her follow up with her pediatrician. I'm pretty sure we got the answers we were seeking this weekend. I fully expect Bekah to pass the next hearing test that she takes.

Hearing loss, could it be a complicaton of T1D?

2011-03-23T20:25:00.000-07:00

I was putting the final touches on this blog post while David was napping when the phone rang. It was the school nurse informing me that she had tested Bekah's hearing twice in the past couple of weeks and neither time did she pass in her right ear. We discussed how this was an issue last year and I had taken her in to her pediatrician where she seemed to pass after a second try. (If you have read Bekah's dx story, this is when my mom-dar started to go off just a bit wondering what was it that just wasn't right) The nurse referred Bekah to the district audiologist where there is a sound proof booth to get a more accurate test result. I hung up and promptly called the audiologist to make an appointment. I had to leave a message and then as I sat at my computer in silence the thoughts came rushing in, you D-moms know the thoughts. Those thoughts that we keep in the back of our mind, the possible complications of T1D.

Ask any mom of a child with T1D, she knows well what the possible complications are and she will rattle off a list that you would never know from her smile and cheerful attitude that she kept inside of her head. That list looks a bit like this but it is not something we as D-moms dwell on or we would literally go crazy. "The list" just stays back in the recesses of our brain and tries to push it's way forward only on sick days or days when we are battling high BG after high BG. Total strangers think they have the one up on us when they inform us of some of these complications. (That is a blog for another day) What they don't know is that sometimes when it is quiet and we are alone with our thoughts that "the list", sometimes in graphic detail, is right there in front of us and we can't push it down.

This was one of those times "the list" came to the forefront of my head. I know retinophathy (or blood vessel damage in the eyes specifically the retina) is a complication but I had never heard of ear damage being a possible complication. I am a nerd, my brain wants to soak up information like a sponge and there are times when this is a blessing and times when it's not so much of a blessing. This was one of those times that it wasn't a blessing. I began to think about the fact that general neuropathy (nerve damage) was a complication and we have nerves in our ears. I decided that I needed to know if indeed hearing loss could be a complication of type one diabetes. So I consulted the all knowing one...Google.

The first article that I found was awful, I can't find it again or I would share the link. It talked about a little girl with T1D who was experiencing hearing loss in her right ear and it turned out to be what the doctor thought was a rare complication and she could possibly go completely deaf. (If you saw my facebook plea for prayer support that is where it stemmed from). I then took a deep breath and furthered my search. Thankfully nothing else I found was as scary. This was the main gist that I got from the rest of my research. I decided that I need to wait and "cross the bridge" when (if) we get there. I don't know why I torture my self like that. I think in this case, nothing could have prepared me for the day Bekah was dx with T1D and I don't ever want to be that caught off guard again.

I didn't write this blog post to bring up that bad D stuff. I wanted to share my research with you other D-moms and I needed to get it out of my head. Tuesday is Bekah's appt with the audiologist. I will keep you posted. It's probably just that her right ear doesn't drain properly or she gets wax build up in that ear. Probably has nothing to do with D. Hopefully it will be an easy (painless) fix. I did go to that dark ugly place for a little while but I am back now looking at the glass half full, knowing we will get to meet yet another special person on Tuesday and God only knows the reason our paths need to cross.

Kids say the darndest things about D

2011-03-21T16:47:00.000-07:00

Have you seen the show hosted by Bill Cosby, Kids Say the Darnedst Things? I love kids and their innocent way of telling it like it is. I decided to do a diabetes version of this on my blog today. Feel free to join in on the fun and blog or comment about your kiddos and their cuteness about D.

My nephew was sick and my sister gave him some Tylenol to help with his symptoms. He looked at her and innocently said "Can people with diabetes have Tylenol?" Not knowing where he was going with it, my sister just matter of factly answered with a "yes". My nephew's eyes lit up as he exclaimed, "I know we can give Bekah Tylenol and that will make her better!!" (Oh Jaxson how I wish this was true, bless your sweet little heart)

my nephew Jaxson with a cupcake beard

David, my 2 year old, looked up at the jars of candy that I keep on the counter for Bekah's low blood sugar (I have a jar of smarties, one of jelly beans and one with starbursts) and said, "I want candy". I responded with, "not right now" (he knows that if Bekah has a low BG or if he goes potty are really the only times he will get to indulge in these tasty treats.) With out missing a beat he looked and me and said "I(m) low". I look at him and say, "nice try buddy, you aren't low". He was determined, "Bekah low". I trump him with"no she just checked and was 142, that is not low". He scratched his head and said, "how abooout Megan?" (o's streched out for dramatic effect) I chuckle at his persistence and simply said, "you are silly, you know Megan doesn't get low blood sugar". (My husband has had a few hypoglycemic episodes and the last time I made him check his BG becuase I wanted to know what his BG was- it was 62) David then pipes up as he looks across the room at Jason, "Daddy, you need to check?" The kids loves his candy what can I say. I decided that maybe he should try to "go" on the potty so I had an excuse for giving in to his cuteness.

We have lots of testing supplies from different vendors and I have put some of them in a box for "play". David likes to pretend to check his BG or my BG or the Teddy Bear's BG. He is a CDE or Endo in the works I think ;) The other day he had a lancing device (with out the needle) and had figured out how to cock it back and press the button to make a clicking noise. After a few practices, he then decided it was a gun and began "shooting" everything in site. Oh the fun that non D families miss out on =)

(not a D moment but still funny) Ok then there is this photo that makes me laugh every time I see it. My little David was born with a sense of humor. This was taken just after he turned one. I was doing laundry and turned around to find this:


look how proud he is sporting his new neck wear

Washington state's take on blood glucose monitoring

2011-03-20T14:11:00.000-07:00

I live in the Evergreen state (Washington) and if you read the Wall Street Journal you might have seen this article that talks about how 11 physicians met to discuss if it was cost effective to continue for the state to pay for children with diabetes to receive test strips enough to check their BGL more than once per day. My children get their health coverage from a state program called Apple Health for Kids. We actually (almost) experienced first hand what this could be like for families. Each year, we go through a re-evaluation to determine if our children are still eligible to receive benefits through this program. February was our month to be evaluated for 2011. When they reinstated our benefits, they put in April 2011-March 2012, leaving out March 2011. Imagine my horror when I open a letter from our insurance company (Columbia United Providers) telling me that the claims pending for Bekah's endo visit and pharmacy needs were denied. I called and was treated very poorly (a first for me in dealing with CUP) by the woman who answered the phone. She all but called me a liar and told me "they almost NEVER make mistakes at the state level". Many phone calls later (taking multiple hours of wait time) and I was able to resolve the issue. We could not get back on CUP until April so I had to used the open coupon to get what we needed for the month of March. When I called the pharmacy to let them know how to bill for March they called me back saying that the state would only allow 100 blood glucose test strips for 90 days. I told them the situation and they had our prior-auth on file so they made the calls necessary to get the test strips that we needed. (Thankfully I have a few great friends in the DOC that had sent me some strips a few months ago and I was able to tap into those to get us by until the issue was resolved) It only took a couple of days to get the answers that we needed and got the 300 test strips for March. I didn't get the open coupon to pay for the blood ketone strips but I have a couple of boxes of those stashed so I chose not to fight it.

It seems a little scary to me that it was even a question in the state's mind that we would need to be testing Bekah's BGL more than once per day. It makes me sick to think about having that restriction. I was ready to write letters and even show up at the door step of whomever I needed to get what I felt was necessary to care for my daughter. (This cowgirl can play rough if necessary)

The other thing that was in question at this committee meeting, in regards to children with diabetes, was the coverage of CGMS. As much as I would love to have a continuous glucose monitoring system for Bekah, I am able to get by with out one and we still see some pretty great numbers and have minimal lows. A CGMS would help me to detect lows a little before they happen (although Bekah is pretty good at catching them in the 70s) and maybe be better about catching those high numbers to be able to keep a better glycemic control. We had a random 430 the other day (I think there must have been a bubble in her tubing) and we could have corrected sooner with a CGMS detecting it. Her last A1C was 7.2% and I am happy with that although I would love to see it a little lower and a CGMS might help with that. The committee voted against the coverage of CGMS . They decided that it doesn't impact the quality of life of a child with diabetes enough to justify the expense. I think I have to agree. There are a lot of things that the state needs to spend money on and CGMSs are really not a necessary expense (unlike test strips).

Since a CGMS is something we will have to pay out of pocket for, I have done some research and decided to put my money aside for a DAD instead. A diabetes alert dog is an investment that I am excited to make. We had a Siberian husky for almost 11 years. Dakota died just a few days before David was born. It has been 2 years and I think it is time to get another dog and why not a DAD. There are many programs out there and our family has decided to go with Warren Retrievers. I have talked with the owner, Dan Warren, multiple times and his method seems to be top notch and very family oriented. It's not a cheap endeavor but I think would be similar to a CGMS out of pocket over 3 years or so. (If you decided to get one too and go through Warren, tell them I sent you)


It's not the best picture of our beautiful Dakota but here you can see her ready to play

How do you like them apps?

2011-03-17T01:00:00.000-07:00

My husband is a programmer by trade. In trying to figure out how to keep up with the times and also help the T1 community, he has taught himself how to make phone apps. He built one for calculating insulin doses and is charging 99 cents with the proceeds going to help us obtain our goal of getting a diabetes alert dog.

He would like to make more apps to help the T1 community in particular. If there is anything that you would like to see in a phone app please leave a comment and let me know. It doesn't have to be for T1, just anything that you have not seen out there but think is a great idea. For now he is only building for the android market.

Here is his description and screen shots: (keep it simple is his motto) If you happen to use this app, feed back is welcome to be sent to jasontimm@gmail.com phone app in the subject

This app helps you determine the correct amount of insulin units for a particular meal. You can either just enter carbs and insulin-to-carb ratio, or you can also enter data to correct for high or low blood glucose levels. It is simple and easy to use.

My daughter was  diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes last year and we needed a tool just like  this, so I decided to make one and offer it to you.  Proceeds from this  app will go to help us get a Diabetes Alert Service Dog for my daughter.

A recap of the past couple of weeks...

2011-03-15T01:00:00.000-07:00

It has been an amazing couple of weeks in my little world. In some ways I wish I could live them all over again. For those of you that are faithful followers, thanks for keeping up with me over the last couple of weeks as my blog exploded with a new post everyday (almost). For those of you who just peek in from time to time, I wanted to give you a recap of the past couple of weeks. There have been some amazing guest posts that you don't want to miss and just all around fun.

It all started on the first of March with an announcement for a giveaway (won by Joanne) and declaration that Bekah's dia-versary was coming up in a week. I then had guest posts from my sister who gave an aunt's perspective on T1D and Bekah's dx. She says "I have seen so much strength in my niece it brings me to tears. I have seen my sister go through a nightmare moms never want to go through. I think about them every night as I kiss my kids goodnight knowing that a nightmare or very sick kid is the only thing that will interrupt my sleep and meanwhile 120 miles away my sister is doing the same thing only she will be interrupted by nightly checks not knowing what the monitor will read at 3am. Then get up in the morning with all 4 of her kids and start again."

Day 2 was a guest post from my daughter Megan. As she talked about what it's like to have a diabetic sister, she said, "I cant change what happened and why would I, if this would have never happened i wouldn’t know how much I love my sister and how much I need her even though im the older one."

My niece did a post for day three. She and Bekah are BFFs. Makaila shared a word from the cousin, stating "This year having a cousin with diabetes I have learned when you have diabetes you have to have shots, and at first your cousin having diabetes is a little scary but you get used to it and lots of times I even forget she has it."

The next day, one of my longest running friendships was displayed. As one of my closest and dearest friends shared her thoughts on T1D, she said "I've watched my dearest and closest friend go through more than I can even imagine going through as a Mama. I've watched her strength grow stronger and stronger with each day that T1D is in her life and the life of her family. I've watched her become a hero to her daughter and witnessed the undying love a mother has for her child. Its one thing to talk about the love a parent has for her child, quite another to witness it in the eye of a storm."

My 16 year old son, Josh was next to share. As her brother recalled what the last year has been like along with Bekah's dx, he simply said "I remember everyone was really worried about Bekah"

My sweet husband was the last of the guest posts. As Daddy chimed in, he said, "I am a better person through it all. And so is the rest of my family. I hope that in small and big ways we will go on to encourage others in similar situations. I hope that we can give courage to those with fears, hope to those that feel they and the ones they love have been dealt a blow, and inspiration to others as we rely on God to take us through each and every day. And most of all, I see now more than ever that each day is a gift we are given and the value of our lives depend on what we do with that gift. Cherish every day you have to share with your spouse and your children as it is more valuable than anything else in this life."

March 8th is our day to celebrate God's grace every year. I believe that God wants life to be fun and He wants us to experience joy. There certainly are times to mourn but then we need to get back up and dust ourselves off and squeeze the joy out of life. We had a party for Bekah, complete with balloons, pizza, cupcakes and a huge banner made and donated by a very talented friend. The best part about the party was we were surrounded by some of our favorite people as they stepped out of their busy lives to be with us that night to celebrate our girl and God's amazing grace!

At the party we collected stuffed animals to donate to the pediatric ER (where Bekah was first admitted) at our local hospital. She received a stuffed animal on dx day. It was so scary to go from the doctor's office to the ER and be poked and prodded, it really helped her to have a friend. This is a tradition we will keep up. We will celebrate, although probably not as big every year, and we will take new stuffed animals over to the hospital to give back what blessed us so much.

Here Bekah is sitting on the couch at my parents' house surrounded by all of the animals that we were taking to donate


Here is Bekah in the volunteer room holding her donation (one of my sisters had stayed in town becuase she and her kids rode the train so they got to come with us)

Friday (March 11), Josh turned 16. It's still a little surreal for me to think about having a 16 year old. I certainly don't feel old enough to have a child this old. He was adamant about going out for dinner on the actual day that he was born 16 years ago. Bekah had a rehearsal for the fashion show she was to be in the next day so I arranged for a friend to take her and we went out to dinner with out her. I feel a little guilty admitting it was the most relaxed family dinner I have had (in about a year). I would start to count carbs and then remembered, the pancreas was off duty that night. You can read all about the fashion show here and I will leave you with a final picture, taken by our friend at the rehearsal.

A fashion show for camp...

2011-03-12T20:27:00.000-08:00

The camp that Bekah will attend this summer, Gales Creek Camp had a fundraiser fashion show this weekend. American Girl fashions were the product being modeled. Friday night was rehearsal and Saturday was the show. (and Sunday but we weren't a part of that show) We headed over to P-town to an upscale mall at 7:30AM and got home at 6:30 PM. It was a fun filled event. My mom had Jason drive her over because she hates Portland traffic and she bought tickets for him and which ever of our kids that wanted to go. You'll be impressed to know that Josh was the only 16 year old boy in attendance becuase he wanted to support his sister (I love my son). I hung out back stage (two stores down), along with David, to help Bekah and let my family watch the show. There were actually 2 shows one at 10 AM and the other at 3 PM. I was very impressed at how well this event went. There were prizes and little lunches complete with cute little pink cupcakes.

I peeked my head in after escorting the girls down two stores to the stage to watch my sweet little girl, strut her stuff. As I was standing there I saw one of the volunteers (an older camper or counselor from GCC) walk over, a little shaky to grab a drink. I knew as I watched that she was low. She had that look and her hands were shaky. I saw that she was a little flustered at the drink choice and then noticed that she had in her hand a light lemonade. I walked over and quietly asked if she was low and said, "that's not going to do the trick let me go grab you a juice." (she was very thankful) I stood at the door for a second and watched Bekah walk out on the stage and then as she got to the other side I dashed two stores down to our stuff and grabbed a juice box and then ran it back over to get that girl the boost that she needed. Woohoo juice box to the rescue!! (she told me, it was the one thing she had forgotten that morning but had been running high so she didn't think she would go low)

The girls didn't get to keep their clothes but did get a little prize bag that included a paper doll set. They also did a drawing for a few items and Bekah got a couple of little t-shirts for Bitty baby.

Now here is a quick video of my sweet little bunny, strutting her stuff and a few pics of the event.

Most of the pictures, I got backstage with my camera but Jason got the video and last two shots with our camera.

First show was satin nighty with out the robe

mom had to get pics of the robe just for kicks

During the break between shows we went for a walk to get some fresh air. four of these girls will all be attending GCC during the same week this summer

for the second show she got to wear the robe and got her hair done by some college girls that were there to volunteer

the finale, all of the girls came out and sang a song

Sweet 16...

2011-03-11T01:00:00.000-08:00

My dearest Joshua,

How did you get to be 16 so quickly? It feels like just yesterday that I was carrying you (10 days late) in my belly thinking I would never get to meet you. Yours was my most difficult birth. Laboring for literally days, pushing for hour after hour until finally the doc decided you were stuck. They wheeled me back for a c-section where I felt the burn of every incision. The anesthesiologist threatened to send Daddy out and put me all the way under but I begged him to let me hear you cry first. I felt like I was fighting for your life ( I wasn't, you were fine but I was scared). As soon as I heard your beautiful cry and knew that Daddy was with you, I said ok and I went to sleep. Daddy was amazing and fought the nurses who wanted to give you a bottle before I woke up. He would not let any of our family peek at you even though they had been at the hospital all day and night and it was now the wee hours of the next morning until I woke up and saw your beautiful face first.

You have been my pioneer. The first one to teach me how to parent. You have been resilient as I have made far more mistakes than I care to admit. You are growing in to such an incredible young man. You are becoming more responsible and have your Daddy's kind heart. You are an amazing big brother and I think that all of your siblings are blessed to have you to look up to. I am proud of you son! I love you!

Happy Birthday Joshua!

the waves keep on comming...

2011-03-10T01:00:00.000-08:00

Monday morning, March 7th, I woke up like a usual Monday morning. Why does 6:30 feel so early on Mondays? I quickly checked FB and blogger and then went to wake the girls up. I went down stairs and made Bekah's lunch and got my coffee. I was then setting the table up for Bekah. (she likes to be independent but I still have to have things set out for her or she gets stressed out) I set her lunch to the left and placed her daily BG log in the middle with a pen and her meter sat just off to the right. That is when it hit me like a tidal wave! It was this Monday a year ago that we were setting the table for a tea party. Getting ready to celebrate a friend's birthday. It was about this time on a Monday (her actual dx day is tomorrow but there is something about the day of the week that hit me hard) that I took this photo.

I never thought I would be brave enough to share this photo. This photo depicts the ugliness of diabetes as it has emaciated my beautiful daughter. This picture rarely leaves me, it is ingrained in my head. It puts a lump in my throat and knot in my stomach every time I look at it. Look at how sick she was, the pale face, sunken eyes and you can see her bones sticking out of her skin. How does a mother let this happen? Oh the fear and the blame, the guilt and the grief overtook me! I was able to choke back the tears until I got the girls to school. I know that letting my self feel the grief is what is going to set me free from it.

These are usually the photos that I share when I talk about "that day"...

The photo is of Bekah and one of Nicole's (my friend that shared a guest post) daughters. I wanted to do something special for her birthday becuase having baby triplet sisters is tough work and she is a great big sister who just needed some special princess time. Bekah was so cold she had to wear a sweatshirt over her dress. You can see how pale she is but she is still happy...the subtle ways of D.

So again a wave comes and goes and I feel stronger becuase I let it run it course and didn't fight against it or push it away. Yes there is joy coming as I pause and thank God once again for giving us a second chance, for the privilege of counting carbs and bolusing insulin day after day to keep my precious one healthy and happy! The joy comes in being thankful, but we do need to let ourselves feel the grief. One, two, five, ten years in there will still be waves of grief and I hope I will remember that feeling them is what will help me grow and then take the time to pause and thank God yet again for his magnificent grace so that I can let the joy back in.

This song really sums up my heart.

Party Time!!

2011-03-08T22:11:00.000-08:00

Oh my heart is so full right now! I just came home from Bekah's dia-versary party and it was absolutely amazing!! Megan was my photographer for the evening and she did a great job getting shots of the fun. I will let the pictures speak for themselves (mostly). Actually why don't you come skadoo (sorry David is really in to Blues Clues right now) with me into the pictures and we can party together all over again...

This was the first place went ventured to about 3 weeks after dx. I remember it feeling so awkward like taking your first newborn out for the very first time. I thought it only appropriate to celebrate here.

The banner

Bekah and her best bud

Amazing dia-buddies (I seriously don't know where I'd be with out this amazing lady and her sweet girl)

My nephew

Jaosn's sister (yes she is only a year older than Josh)

Jason's mom (not really fair having a mother-in-law that is so gorgeous)

a good friend

My parents (aren't the adorable)

Best dia-buddy who Bekah is going to camp with this summer and going to be in the fashion show with this weekend

Our amazing, absolutely amazing (did I say amazing?) CDE I love this gal so much!

Good friends

their beautiful daughter

Yay for cousins

nom nom cupcakes and pizza

My sister Tammi and her little guy (she surprised me and rode the train down, I cried when I saw her)

my niece

My other sister, Polli and her BFF (who is like a third sister to me)

Add caption

My grandma (isn't she gorgeous) she tells everyone her age is an unlisted number (she is 87 I think)

a great friend


Jason's dad and other sister (she has two beautiful daughters who couldn't come with her becuase they go to bed early)

What a fun party!! God is good!

Happy Dia-versary Bekah!

2011-03-08T00:30:00.000-08:00

Today is the day we will celebrate for years to come that God let us keep you here on earth a while longer. I know that Heaven is an amazing place and no offense but I hope I get to see it before you do my sweet girl. There is so much more for you to do and lives for you to impact. You are simply amazing! I am so proud of your strength and bravery!

When I see your face
There’s not a thing that I would change
Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you’re amazing
Just the way you are

Happy Dia-versay Bekah-boo!

Here is a sneak peak at the banner that will be at the party tonight. (it's 6 feet by 3 feet) I feel so blessed that my friend would donate her time talent and resources to do this for us.

PS the giveaway winner was comment #26

Joanne said...: I think that is one of the sweetest things I've read in a long time. Bekah is lucky to have such a great cousin! Congrats, Joanne! You have 48 hrs to email me at timm.heidi@gmail.comto claim your prize

Daddy chimes in...(a guest post)

2011-03-07T01:00:00.000-08:00

Hello All! My wife has asked me to step up to the plate and share my thoughts with you as they relate to our experiences over the past year. I feel honored to have such an opportunity here on this fantastic blog :) Heidi has done such an awesome job at telling our story and sharing with all of you bits of encouragement, hope, and raw life. Thank you all for supporting her and us in this way. Writing from the heart can be difficult, but knowing that there are those that understand is comforting in ways that cannot be measured.

I thought for a while about what I could write here and truthfully, the possibilities are limitless. That's code for "I like to talk and share and could ramble on for hours". But, I thought that I would share a few thoughts and then include a private journal entry that I wrote shortly after Bekah's diagnosis and PICU experience.

On March 8th of last year, we took our precious daughter to see a doctor knowing that something was not right. The doctor did some routine tests and took her vitals and then left the room. When he came back in, he said that we needed to take a seat. That was one of the scariest things I have ever heard. That is never a good thing to hear from a doctor. I braced myself and thought for sure that he was going to tell us that she had Leukemia. Her rapid weight loss and lack of energy seemed to point in that direction. But he did not say that. He told us that she had Type 1 Diabetes. At first I was relieved as even then I knew that people can live long lives with T1D and at least she wasn't being handed a terminal diagnosis. On the other hand a million things went through my mind as I really had no idea at all what it meant to have T1D.

Unfortunately, the next thing the doctor said is that we needed to go immediately across the street to the hospital and have Bekah admitted to the ER. She had a blood sugar level of 876 and was suffering from Ketoacidosis. Not knowing exactly what that meant, we followed the instructions. As soon as we got there and they assessed the situation, they told us they were going to have her transported to Children's Legacy Emmanuel Hospital in Portland. Now, when your child goes from a doctor's office to an ER to a PICU at a specialty hospital, you know that something is seriously wrong. Little did we know at the time that many children who experience the symptoms Bekah had end up in comas and never wake up. It is probably best that we did not know then what we know now or we would have had an even more difficult time in the PICU. But, Heidi and I do make a good team and especially when we are fighting for our daughter's life. In the hours and days that followed, we would experience much, learn much, and go through a range of emotions.

The staff in the PICU was incredible. They saved my daughter's life and I am eternally grateful for that. God worked in my daughter and in the hands of her nurses and physicians and as He always does, He kept us and gave us what we needed each moment. What happened from there was sort of a blur. We had three other kids to arrange care for, one of which was a one year old that required constant attention and who wanted Heidi's attention whenever he could get it. Unfortunately, the situation became even more chaotic over the next couple of days. It turns out that our bank account had been drained of $1000 due to fraud, my son's school called and had to call an ambulance to come attend to him due to chest pains, and
I suddenly fell victim to an acute (and severe) case of vertigo. For those of you that haven't had that pleasure, vertigo is a sickness that makes you extremely dizzy and nauseous. Mine was severe enough that I could not walk or stand up and I had to be taken away from the hospital in the middle of it all in a wheelchair. That sucked - really bad.

Can you imagine the worthlessness I felt? Here was my family experiencing the biggest blow in our lives and where was I? Stuck on the couch at home unable to do ANYTHING. What a loser husband and father I felt like. I missed out on some of the classes I was supposed to attend for learning how to care for my daughter. I was not there to provide breaks for my wife or to comfort her or my daughter in this new world we found ourselves in. In fact, I felt pretty darn bad.

I wanted to share a private journal entry I wrote shortly after all of this occurred. As you read it, you can see what I was struggling with and where I have found my strength through all of it. I share it not to solicit sympathy, but to share my raw feelings at the time. Maybe some of you can identify with them... There were other things going on in my life at the same time - some disappointments about relationships with my church and some doubt in my ability to lead a business as I was coming off of a business failure not too long ago. Here it is:

----------

I am feeling loss. I know that it is good for me, but I feel loss. Loss of control. Loss of many things that I just assumed I would always have.

I lost what I thought church was. I lost what I thought normal was. I lost the confidence I had that I could build a business that mattered. I feel beaten down. And, at the same time, I realize that God has allowed these things for a reason. His purpose is my desire even if I have to experience loss to discover it.

My natural reaction is to be sad. To feel lonely or abandoned. To feel that I have no value. To feel very broken.

And that is okay.

I also feel scared. Scared that I do not have what it takes to accomplish what God has in mind for me. I am scared of insulin. It keeps my daughter alive, but it is also the thing that killed my best friend. I am not good with fine details or much of anything that requires precision. And so it makes me nervous - one small mistake or miscalculation - one time of not noticing a symptom and my daughter's life may be in danger.

I know that the answer is ultimately never going to be about me being able to do anything. It is God in me. It is Him that will guide and protect me and my family. And, I have already experienced His provision in my life. I do not in any way doubt that He is in control and that He will keep us. But at the same time, I have fears and stress and anxiety in the face of all of this. Does that make me a bad person? I do not lack faith, but for some reason it isn't always enough to chase away the other feelings.

As I sit here typing, I wonder if I have what it takes. I want so much for God to use me in huge ways. I want to be a mighty warrior for Him here in this world and in the next. And I know that the very fact that I intend to be that warrior invites the enemy to attack in every way he can. I want to be dangerous. Heidi reminded me that not so long ago, I said that... I want to be so dangerous that I would be on Satan's top ten list. Bold, I know. But I have no doubt that God has called me to it and has been training me for it for a long time.

Being on your enemy's radar is never a good thing though. It means that there will be battle wounds. There will be times when it will seem that he is winning. Satan works that way. He wants me to feel defeated. He wants me to experience loss and blame it on God. He wants me to withdraw. He wants me to back down. And I have to admit, I do not have the strength I need to press on at times. What I need the most is to learn how to let God be my strength, my rock, my shelter. He says he will be. And, He will never leave me alone in these or any other battles.

It is so easy to get caught up in misery and self pity. It is so easy to hide in a corner and give up. But, now is the time I need to remember what God has already done in my life and in the lives of my family and grab a hold of the promises He has given. He will not forsake me. He has a hope and a plan for me - and for my daughter. He is my shelter. He is my strength. Through Him I will get up from this place and move on. I will find the victory that He has already given. I will claim it. Now is the time for me to lead my family. To demonstrate God's power in and through my life.

God, help me to be the man you want me to be. I desire to serve you and only you. I will make it my purpose and intention to follow your leading in my life. Please be my strength and my deliverer. Take down my enemies and show me how I can best serve you. God, if it is your will, heal my daughter. I believe that you can at any time. And if that is not what is best for her or us, then give us the strength to teach her, to keep her safe, and to learn to not let Diabetes hold us back or become the center of our lives. I trust you to keep her. I trust you to help me lead my family in the paths that you call us to. Lord, make it clear to me where I am to go. Grant me clear vision as you have done before. And I know that this may be a little selfish, so I get it if you pass on this one, but you did tell us to ask for the things that are on our hearts. God, I want to know that I am on the right path. I am willing to endure whatever it takes to follow you, but I am weak and human. I humbly ask for a sign or more than one sign along our path that will confirm for me that i am making good and right decisions for my family. Thank you for never leaving me. Thank you for being my daddy that I can always run to in hard times. I would never make it alone.

----------

So there you have it. That's where I was at. Since then, I have learned so much. I have learned that God does indeed provide what we need each day to get by. I have learned that my daughter is incredible - she is the bravest little girl I know. She is tough. She is smart. And, she will not let T1D define her. I have learned that my wife is a superhero. She has a shirt that declares her true identity - it says that she is half pancreas and half ninja - how true that is! I have learned that there is no such thing as normal in life - normal means so many things to so many people. For us, T1D is part of our normal. For others, cancer is. Or autism. Or cerebral palsy. Or ADD. Or any number of other things that can happen to our earthly bodies. And I have learned to see the world through a whole new lens.

I am a better person through it all. And so is the rest of my family. I hope that in small and big ways we will go on to encourage others in similar situations. I hope that we can give courage to those with fears, hope to those that feel they and the ones they love have been dealt a blow, and inspiration to others as we rely on God to take us through each and every day. And most of all, I see now more than ever that each day is a gift we are given and the value of our lives depend on what we do with that gift. Cherish every day you have to share with your spouse and your children as it is more valuable than anything else in this life.
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I didn't want to mess up his post with my commentary but I just had to add a few words. Can you see why I love him so much? He has this beautiful heart that is in love with Jesus and wants to follow Him where ever He may lead. He is the kindest man I have ever known. He has taken on the daunting task of 3 AM checks so that I can have a half functioning brain in the morning. Thanks for this beautiful, awesome post Jason...I love you!

a brother recalls what the last year has been like...(an interview)

2011-03-06T01:00:00.000-08:00

This is from my almost 16 yr old son's perspective. His birthday is 3 days after Bekah's dia-versary. He decided that he would rather verbally answer questions instead of writing out a blog post.

What do you remember about your sister's dx with T1D?
I remember coming home from school and no one was home. That was a little odd since that rarely happens. Either you or Dad are almost always home when I get home. I passed the time by playing my new game when you called and said Bekah was in the hospital and Grandma would be coming to pick Megan and I up. We stayed with Grandma and Grandpa while Bekah was in the hospital. I remember that the day before you guys came home, the ambulance had to come to my school because I was having chest pains. I remember everyone was really worried about Bekah.

How did you feel when your sister was dx?

I don't really remember, I think I blocked out most of that.

Do you worry about T1D?

A little, I mean I think that might be why I keep having a recurring dream about it...

What dream? Will you tell me about it?

I really don't want to Mom, it's bad. I have had it for the last ten nights or so...

I pressed a little more

In my dream I am sleeping and I wake up to everyone screaming and crying because Bekah...well you know...(he hangs his head to the side with his tongue sticking out) in her sleep...I think it's because my birthday is coming up and last year before my birthday, she almost died and I had to stay with grandma and grandpa and it was just not a happy time. My birthday from now on will not really be a happy time because of all of that.

I let him know we are having a party for her to make it a happy thing and that his birthday will be awesome!

How do you think diabetes will effect your future?

I think a year ago I would have told you that it was going to have a big impact on it but now it's just normal that Bekah has it and no one is as stressed out about it.

What do you want people to know about diabetes?

I don't know...I mean I don't know that much about it. You know everything and a batch of cookies but I only know what I see around here. I don't know...

I will leave you with some thing I posted a while back. It's a photo that Josh put on his Facebook page that he took with his phone, with the caption "What does it take to break ones heart sometimes I thought a girl would break mine more than anyone and that's so true... I just never thought it would be my sister"

one of my closest and dearest friends shares her thoughts (guest post)

2011-03-05T01:00:00.000-08:00

This is from my friend Nicole. She has a blog at One Day at a Time. She is one of the few people that I didn't shut out in the last year. She is one of the few that I have, although not enough, made a deliberate effort to visit with. She has the most beautiful children including 15 month old triplets whom I adore. After nine kids she still looks like an Abercrombie model. She might not like it (good friends can ask forgiveness later) but I am posting my most favorite photo of her. Moments after her sweet babies were born...

My name is Nicole. Heidi and I have been friends for almost 30 years.

Wow.

Did I just say that? Yes, 30 years. We met in the 4th grade. (I think? Maybe was it the 3rd? It's been so long now I can't remember). I was the 'new kid' who rode the wrong bus home. Heidi was the 'nice kid' who offered me to get off at her house and her mom would take me home. What we didn't know was that was the start of a once-in-a lifetime-forever friendship. Not many people are so lucky to have a friend like Heidi.

Over the past 30 years, even if we weren't/aren't close physically, I can always feel her friendship in my heart and soul. We both married. Moved apart and moved back. Had 13 (!!) children between the 2 of us. And have been fortunate enough to be able to support each other through a rough and scary pregnancy (me) and a childs' diagnosis with a scary disease (Heidi).

When Heidi told me that Rebekah was diagnosed with Diabetes Type 1, my heart stopped. This should not happen to people like Heidi and Jason and their family. Truly GOOD people should not have to endure the pain and stress that T1D causes. And Rebekah, most of all, a sweet, kind, and quiet 6 year old should not have to go through what was to come.

All I could thinks was "It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair"

After that came the guilt. (And, yes Heidi, I AM going to talk about it because you told me to write about how T1D and your family has impacted me). You see, I said before that Heidi was and is always in my heart and soul. This experience was proof (to me anyways).

Most of the week before Rebekahs' diagnosis is blurry to me, as I had 3 month old triplets at home, hence the rough and scary pregnancy that I mentioned earlier. But I do remember that Heidi and I were talking much more than usual since she was literally my rock the first few months of being home with the babies. She came over and helped for entire days. She helped me with my struggle with breastfeeding, even helping me to hold a baby onto my breast as I fiddled with the other one. I was quite the site and all Heidi could tell me was "How cool and beautiful I looked" sitting on a mattress on my living room floor after zero sleep trying desperately to latch 2 babies on to eat. And when I got too tired to pump, she pumped ounce after ounce of her milk for my babies so that they never had to have formula.

Ok, sorry to ramble, back on track. I do remember the beginning of the week that Rebekah was sick, Heidi called me telling me about how sick Rebekah was. She was sleepy all the time and not her usual self, but that she didn't seem SICK. She didn't have a fever or anything, just tired and seemed to be losing weight. I told her she must just be having a growth spurt and she was probably fine. A few days go by and Heidi calls again. As we talked, she broke down sobbing telling me she felt like her daughter was dying right before her eyes and there was nothing she could do to stop it. That statement alone got me scared. Heidi is not a drama queen. She's very practical and calm. Always. I told her to make a Dr's appointment for her. She called back and said they would see her but not for (I think it was 3?) days. I told her to call them back and tell them that was NOT acceptable, that she wanted an appointment TODAY. NOW. Thankfully, they listened. Heidi stopped by my house on her way to the Dr. As Heidi and Rebekah stood in my kitchen, Heidi was rubbing Rebekahs' forehead and hair, Rebekah closed her eyes and her knees buckled just a tad. Tears welled up in my eyes and I said, "Heidi, she is SICK. Please call me when you get home from the Dr." Turns out she called me way before that. They were admitting Bekah into the PICU. Her diagnosis? T1D. I have medical training and I didn't realized the severity of what Heidi was telling me. That is my guilt. That, and as I think back and listen to what Heidi was telling me DAYS ago, weight loss, lethargic, tired, thirsty, I should have KNOWN what was going on. I should have insisted she get her to the Dr. days before. But I didn't. Heidi tells me all the time to drop the guilt. It's not something that is easy to drop though.

So, how has T1D impacted my life?

I've watched my dearest and closest friend go through more than I can even imagine going through as a Mama. I've watched her strength grow stronger and stronger with each day that T1D is in her life and the life of her family. I've watched her become a hero to her daughter and witnessed the undying love a mother has for her child. Its one thing to talk about the love a parent has for her child, quite another to witness it in the eye of a storm.

I've seen strength, fear, sadness, pride, guilt, relief, love, compassion, stress, shock, panic, joy and determination.

I've witnessed more emotions in any one person than I thought possible, most happening each and every day.

I would guess it's a similar feeling that my husband and I had when our triplets were in the NICU. A 'roller coaster of emotions'

And if T1D is going to show Heidi a roller coaster, it better get ready because it doesn't know Heidi like I do. It's forced her along for the ride and she will not give in.

I've experienced the making of a family of heroes. And it's not everyday that you know and love a family of heroes.

A word from the cousin...(guest post)

2011-03-04T01:00:00.000-08:00

This post was written by my niece Makaila. She is not only Bekah's cousin but her best friend as well. Mak has been Bekah's champion this year. Mak cheers her on and holds her hand to help her feel brave. Makaila has also had me check her blood sugar for fun a few times so she would know what it feels like for Bekah. Bekah and Makaila are a little like yin and yang they temper each other. It is a beautiful thing to watch how close the girls are and how much they love and support each other!

My name is Makaila I am Bekah's cousin. A year ago my mom told me my cousin had diabetes and I cried and cried because she was in the hospital. I felt very sad because diabetes is big word and I did not know what it meant. I thought Bekah was going to die. My mom, brother and I drove to her town the next day. I went to the hospital to see Bekah. I was really scared and trying to be brave so Bekah would not know I was so scared. We got to play Bingo on the TV at the hospital. Bekah won 2 times and we got these really cool barbies. I was so sad for her when my mom told me Bekah would be getting shots. I HATE shots because they HURT, every time I have to get one I cry and cry. I held Bekah's hand as she got some of her shots and pokes. Her shots have insulin in them. I am not sure what insulin is but I do know it helps Bekah. It was very exciting because FINALLY we got to take Bekah home. I think she needed the fresh air.

Although diabetes is big deal my cousin Bekah is still the same girl we just have to find out how much sugar is in her candy before we eat it. Sometimes I feel lucky that I don't have diabetes because of what Bekah has to do. I think kids with diabetes are way braver then me. My mommy told me to think of something that is good because Bekah has diabetes and I don't really know, Diabetes is scary. Actually now that I think about it Bekah is more confident.

Now that my cousin has diabetes when I grow up I want to be a Scientist to help people with diabetes. This year having a cousin with diabetes I have learned when you have diabetes you have to have shots, and at first your cousin having diabetes is a little scary but you get used to it and lots of times I even forget she has it.

Isn't she just precious?!!

Having a diabetic sister (a guest post)

2011-03-03T01:00:00.000-08:00

This guest post was written by my 12 year old daughter Megan. As a mom I wanted to "tweak" it a bit but this is Megan's real, honest post. I told her to be honest and not worry about my feelings etc so I will leave well enough alone and let you hear Meg's heart about what life is like when you have a diabetic sister.

Having a sister with type one diabetes means both good and bad. Good reasons for a sister with diabetes is you get more candy, you also truly know how much you care and you find more ways to help out around the house. When my sister got diagnosed with diabetes, I cried, I didn’t understand why my mom started getting mad at the slightest things easily. I didn’t understand why my sister got so much attention (I was used to getting a lot of that) but now I get WAY less attention but I have gotten used to it plus as an almost teenager I want nothing to do with my parents I guess I got my wish. Every time my sister used to get on my nerves I used to wish she would die, the day she went to the hospital and almost did I was scared I thought is was my fault for thinking such horrible thoughts, I thought why not me, why didn’t it happen to me. I felt like the worst person in the world but my mom told me over and over it wasn’t my fault I still feel it was a little bit but I cant change what happened and why would I, if this would have never happened i wouldn’t know how much I love my sister and how much I need her even though im the older one.

An aunt's perspective... (guest post)

2011-03-02T01:00:00.000-08:00

This post was written by my sister. She along with my parents and other sister were my rocks during the time that Bekah was in the hospital. (Ryan is her husband and Makaila is her 8 yr old daughter and Bekah's best friend)

It was around 9pm early in the spring of 2010 on Monday night. I know it was Monday because I work Mondays. The actual date I can not remember but I am sure my sister could tell you. I walked in and Ryan said Tammi your mom called Bekah is in the ICU and wants you to call her right away. I remember my knees going weak and feeling dizzy. I sat down and called my mom. I remember vaguely reading my sisters Facebook status that morning about Bekah being tired and not herself and was taking her to the doctor. By the time I called my mom Bekah had been diagnosed with Diabetes type 1. Diabetes Type 1....what did I remember about this from the A & P classes I took 10 years ago in college....not enough. I realize how I little I knew or understood about this disease...my first thought was how bad does she have it. Anyone who knows much about this disease is rolling their eyes at that thought. My second thought was NOT Bekah. Bekah is the sweetest little girl I have ever met. She has a gentle, quiet, kind spirit. My third thought went to my own Makaila. Makaila and Bekah are very close. They are very different people but have a very strong bond. As time has gone by this year I am grateful my sister is so open to discuss Diabetes so I have a better understanding of it. The more I learn the less I like it. Not too long before Bekah was diagnosed I took Makaila in to get her H1N1 shot. It was a horrible hour and half experience trying to get her to have ONE shot. Over this year I have watched Bekah go from not enjoying her shots to giving her own. I have seen so much strength in my niece it brings me to tears. I have seen my sister go through a nightmare moms never want to go through. I think about them every night as I kiss my kids goodnight knowing that a nightmare or very sick kid is the only thing that will interrupt my sleep and meanwhile 120 miles away my sister is doing the same thing only she will be interrupted by nightly checks not knowing what the monitor will read at 3am. Then get up in the morning with all 4 of her kids and start again. Although my daily life is not effected other then thoughts of Bekah and my sister here and there, it has effected my outlook on many things. I hug my kids a little more often, I see strength in my sister and niece that I am not sure I have, and I have a beautiful 8 year old who went from wanting to be a rock star to a scientist to she can find a cure for Diabetes.

Bekah and Makaila at the Tulip festival

A time to celebrate...

2011-03-01T01:00:00.000-08:00

Bekah's one year dia-versary is coming up, in a week to be exact. A few weeks ago I posted these verses from the Bible:

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

¹ For everything there is a season,
      a time for every activity under heaven.
² A time to be born and a time to die.
      A time to plant and a time to harvest.
³ A time to kill and a time to heal.
      A time to tear down and a time to build up.
⁴ A time to cry and a time to laugh.
      A time to grieve and a time to dance.
⁵ A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
      A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
⁶ A time to search and a time to quit searching.
      A time to keep and a time to throw away.
⁷ A time to tear and a time to mend.
      A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
⁸ A time to love and a time to hate.
      A time for war and a time for peace.

At the time my heart was grieving and I just needed to allow myself to be sad and feel the heaviness of grief. Today though my heart is giddy and it is a time to celebrate. As I look back on the past year and all that God has done, I am grateful and in awe. I knew a year ago that I would make it but I wasn't sure what it would look like. I trusted that God's grace would see us through. We have this saying around our house "Where God guides, He provides". I knew that God would provide the path that we needed to get through each day and I am not saying the bad days are all behind us. I know there will be yucky days and crazy weeks but I know that God is faithful. God is good ALL of the time, even when a child is diagnosed with type one diabetes! March 8, 2010 my world was rocked to it's core and on March 8, 2011 we will celebrate that God chose on that day a year ago, to let us have a second chance with our daughter and many more days to love and laugh and be a family of 6. I hope and pray that we have countless more days but really only God knows.

Today I want to let you know of the week's events. First of all is a giveaway here on my blog. To enter simply leave me a comment on my blog. Any post is fine and you can enter once per day. Please leave your name on the comment or it won't count. Comments will be counted up until 12:00(midnight) PST on March 8th. I will number the comments in order that they come in and go to random.org to chose the winner who will be announced on March 8th. No need to FB or Twitter about this (I don't use twitter much and I'm not looking to advertise anything).

This is not this week's sugar bolus...if you are looking for that click here

What will you win? Well I decided that I wanted to give away the things that have gotten me through this year. I wanted to put together a giant basket but my funds are limited. So I limited it to two things easy to ship and would fit just about anybody. First is a Starbucks card (you get to see the amount when it arrives) and the book "Jesus Calling". This book and the intimate way it was written has spoken to my heart and helped me to keep my eyes focused on God. He is really the main reason I am still standing and sane. The Starbucks is becuase coffee has been my life blood. When you get as little sleep as we Drents do, a good cup 'o joe in the morning is like heaven on earth.

This week you can expect to see a few guest posts from my family to hear about the ripple effect that diabetes has on those closest to us. One of my sisters, my children, my niece, possibly a couple of my friends and my husband all have some words to share.

Lastly on March 8th, we will PaRtY! Those who are local, please join us and those who are not, I know you will be there in spirit. We will party to celebrate God's grace and goodness, we will celebrate Bekah's life and amazing bravery over the last year. (7 yrs old doing her own site changes...hello that is BRAVE) Wear blue if you can on March 8th to honor Bekah (and all other people who live with and fight type one diabetes on a daily basis) and find someone to educate about type one diabetes. The party will be at a local pizza place and we will have balloons and cupcakes. I have a friend who is a graphic designer who is donating a banner. I have asked our friends and family to bring new stuffed animals to be donated to our local pediatric ER. Bekah got a bear on dx day and he is still very special. If you and your children want to join our efforts even if you are not local, I'm sure the pediatric unit at your local hospital or your local fire dept will take donations of new stuffed animals.

There is indeed a time for everything under the sun and this week is a time to CELEBRATE!

Some things make having diabetes fun...

2011-02-27T19:46:00.000-08:00

This weekend we got to experience the fun side of diabetes. The camp that Bekah will go to this summer is called Gales Creek. They are having an American Girl fashion show as a fund raiser. Bekah will be a model in the show. Saturday we loaded up a van full of girls and went over to P-town for a fitting. Bekah tried on the bitty twins nighty and the Rebecca night wear ensemble. We won't know until the dress rehearsal which she will actually be wearing. We are excited and I will blog about the whole experience. =)

Sunday we got to go over to Children's Healing Art Project also known as CHAP in P-town again and had a blast! We also had a D-meet up with Denise (I only had my phone so she got the actual pics of our IRL meet up. Watch her blog I'm sure she will post about the experience as well.) I only took the girls becuase David has a bad cold. We had so much fun! My girls LOVE art! They made collages and name tags, they got to paint a t-shirt and also created food pictures to be hung in a local P-town (my slang for Portland) restaurant. Denise has a beautiful family! She is just as cool and fun IRL as she comes across on her blog. When we saw each other becuase we follow each other's blogs and FB posts it was like we had pretty much known each other for years. She is easy to talk to and I hope we get to see more of each other in the future. Thanks again for in the invite to CHAP Denise!

You never know when someone will get it...

2011-02-27T00:57:00.000-08:00

I was sitting at the makeup counter at our local Macy's chatting up the small talk or not so small talk with the makeup lady as she gave me a mini facial. My husband had given me a little money to go buy some new makeup. I have super sensitive skin along with rosacea and have found that Origins cosmetics are the only ones that do not irritate my skin. It is not cheap stuff so I have a lot of no makeup days to stretch it out. I told her that I just felt like I needed a fresh look becuase I couldn't remember when I had worn makeup in the last year. Makeup and hair ladies must be a little like bar tenders, you just open up and spew your life story while you sit with them. I told her it had been a stressful year. Then I could feel it welling up, do I tell her about D?? I have learned that in public it's not a good idea to bring up the D word. People don't get it and I don't want to insult their intelligence by berating them with facts on the differences between T1 and T2. Plus I get so irritated at their lack of understanding (it really is not their fault as the media portrays only T2 and lumps D together in one basket). So I take a different rout of letting her know what I have been dealing with. "One of my children was diagnosed with a chronic illness," I inform her. She is still listening so I give her a bit more, "it's an autoimmune condition that is very difficult to manage." I can see the empathy on her face as she says, "my manager has been through something similar with her daughter, she gets little sleep and has to take calls from the school and from what I can tell it is just difficult, always battling insurance and such. What is it called that your daughter has?" I take a deep breath and quickly, making sure to emphasize the T1, blurt out, "type one diabetes" Her eyes light up, "that is exactly what my manager's daughter has" and I didn't need to say anymore as she continued to pampered me, she went on about how her manger has such a hard time getting people to understand becuase everybody thinks diabetes is just diabetes and that she fed her daughter too much junk food. It was actually kind of interesting becuase she then felt safe telling me her woes and I got to be the listener and hear some of her life story. It was a nice change and I did not feel dumped on, it was kind of like an old friend because she was one of the few people out there that has taken time to understand the world of T1D.

In celebration of wearing make-up again. (I'm not vain until a camera is near) I had a mommy and me photo shoot done with David. (I had to use the last punches for free pictures on my portrait club membership before the end of Feb) I have some mommy and me photos of Josh and I when he was about David's age so I thought that would be fun and Bekah was with us so we got her in on the action. (these are photos of photos so I apologize for the quality) What you don't see here is after the photo session while we were viewing the pictures Bekah felt low and checked her BG (47) and ended up laying on the floor (dirty floor) because she couldn't sit up any longer. I got down on the floor with her and just held her until her BG level came back up (I did not care what anybody was thinking or had to say). Darn D tried to ruin the fun!